Top 101 Bad Dad Jokes
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Dad jokes are some of the worst jokes out there. That’s what makes them so great! With that in mind, check out the top 101 bad dad jokes you should know!
Table of Contents
#101 – 100. Bad Dad Jokes
101. I tried to have a conversation with my wife when she was applying a mud pack. You should have seen the filthy look she gave me.
100. How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
99. Five out of four people admit they’re bad with fractions!
98. Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe!
97. My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?”And I told him, “No it doesn’t!”
96. Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
95. My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water. I Schwepped her of her feet.
94. To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket… You can hide but you can’t run.
93. What’s made of brass and sounds like Tom Jones? Trombones.
92. My wife keeps telling me to stop pretending to be butter. But I’m on a roll now.
91. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
90. What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
#89 – 80. Bad Dad Jokes
89. What has two butts and kills people? An assassin.
88. Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
87. How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Three: the left ear, the right ear, and the final frontier.
86. I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!
85. This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
84. What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!
83. Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
82. What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
81. Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.
80. What’s brown and sticky? A stick!
#79 – 70. Bad Dad Jokes
79. Can February March? No, but April May!
78. What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.
77. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
76. What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
75. Dogs can’t operate MRI machines…But catscan.
74. I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.
73. How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put some boogie in it!
72. Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
71. A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge asks her, “First offender?” She says, “No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!”
70. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way!
#69 – 60. Bad Dad Jokes
69. A proud new Dad sits down with his own father for a celebratory drink. His father says, “Son, now you’ve got a child of your own, I think it’s time you had this.” And with that, he pulls out a book called, “1001 Dad Jokes”.
68. People don’t like having to bend over to get their drinks. We really need to raise the bar.
67. What’s ET short for? Because he’s only got tiny legs!
66. My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home!
65. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “do you know how to drive this thing?”
64. I’ve just watched a T.V. documentary about beavers. It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.
63. I got an e-mail saying, “At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!” and I thought…”That’s just spam.”
62. I’ve never gone to a gun range before. I decided to give it a shot!
61. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
60. This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in.
#59 – 50. Bad Dad Jokes
59. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
58. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it!
57. I’m the Norse god of mischief but I don’t like to talk about it. I guess you could say I’m low-key.
56. What happens when you go to the bathroom in France? European.
55. After dinner, my wife asked if I could clear the table. I needed a running start, but I made it!
54. Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn’t know it was on fire.
53. I invented a new word today: Plagiarism!
52. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
51. What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
50. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint!
#49 – 40. Bad Dad Jokes
49. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it!
48. I’ll call you later. Don’t call me later, call me Dad.
47. Last night, I had a dream that I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.
46. What are bald sea captains most worried about? Cap sizes.
45. I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that’s just nuts
44. What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.
43. There’s been an explosion at a cheese factory in Paris. There’s nothing left but de Brie.
42. My son must have been relieved to have finally been born. He looked like he was running out of womb in there.
41. What do you call a donkey with only three legs? A wonkey!
40. Where do you learn to make ice cream? At sundae school.
#39 – 30. Bad Dad Jokes
39. 5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.
38. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
37. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese.
36. Why do Norwegians build their own tables? No Ikea!
35. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire!
34. Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with!
33. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down!
32. I know a lot of jokes about retired people but none of them work!
31. I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a complete rip-off.
30. If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?!
#29 – 20. Bad Dad Jokes
29. My wife says she’s leaving me because she thinks I’m too obsessed with astronomy. What planet is she on!
28. Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it!
27. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
26. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised!
25. The rotation of earth really makes my day.
24. What do you call an old person with really good hearing? Deaf defying.
23. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
22. Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four doors, they’d be chicken sedans.
21. I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
20. What do you call a cake baked by a hooker? Hoe-made.
#19 – 10. Bad Dad Jokes
19. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant
18. What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory!
17. Why did the coffee go to the police? It got mugged.
16. When the grocery store clerk asks me if I want the milk in a bag, I always tell him, “No, I’d rather drink it out of the carton!”
15. The new Dad says, “Dad, I’m honored,” as tears well up in his eyes. His father says, “Hi Honored, I’m Dad.”
14. I’ll call you later. Don’t call me later, call me Dad!
13. No matter how kind you are…German children are kinder.
12. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.
11. Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, “No, just leave it in the carton!”
10. What rhymes with boo and stinks? You!
#9 – 1. Bad Dad Jokes
9. I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.
8. Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.
7. I always used to get small shocks when touching metal objects, but it recently stopped. Needless to say, I’m ex-static.
6. One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has been deported. We don’t have Oleg to stand on.
5. A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.
4. My mum bought me a really cheap dictionary for my birthday. I couldn’t find the words to thank her.
3. How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.
2. So a vowel saves another vowel’s life. The other vowel says, “Aye E! I owe you!”
1.I tried drag racing the other day. It’s murder trying to run in heels.
Ideas for the top 101 bad dad jokes come from the following sources.[1]Pun.ME – 40 Best Dad Jokes which are embarrassingly awful[2]BestLife – 60 Dad Jokes So Bad They’re Actually Hilarious[3]LaffGaff – The Best Bad Dad Joke
References
