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Confucius was a Chinese philosopher, politician, editor, and teacher. He was very famous for his sayings. This is not the place for that. With that in mind, check out the top 101 Confucius say jokes.
Table of Contents
#101 – 90. Confucius Say Jokes
101. Confucius say wise man never play leapfrog with unicorn.
100. Confucius say man who eat many prunes, sit on can for many moons.
99. Man who excels at putting worm on hook is Master Baiter
98. Confucius say girl who sit on judge’s lap get honorable discharge.
97. Confucius say: It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
96. Confucius say passionate kiss like spider web-lead to undoing of fly.
95. Confucius say man who jump through screen door, strain self.
94. Confucius say man who stand on street corner with hands in pockets, feeling nuts.
93. Confucius say couple on seven day honeymoon, make whole week.
92. Confucius say man who eat too many prunes, get good run for money.
91. Confucius say man who eat too many jellybean, fart in technicolor.
90. Confucius say man who finger girl having period, caught red handed.
#89 – 80. Confucius Say Jokes
89. Confucius say man who lay woman on ground, get piece on earth.
88. Confucius say baby born in car with automatic transmission, grow to become shiftless bastard.
87. Confucius say man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
86. Confucius say man trapped in pantry, have ass in jam.
85. Confucius say man who pull out too soon, leave rubber behind.
84. Confucius Say, “Boy who go to bed with sex problems on mind wake up with solution in hand.”
83. Confucius say two wrongs not make right, but two rights make U-turn.
82. Confucius say no man is island, but some women are whales.
81. Confucius say man with tight trousers, pressing his luck.
80. Confucius say house without bathroom, uncanny.
#79 – 70. Confucius Say Jokes
79. Confucius say fly who sit on toilet seat, get pissed off.
78. Confucius say man who snort coke, get bubbles up nose.
77. Confucius say soldier who go to bed horny, wake with dishonorable discharge.
76. Confucius say secretary become permanent fixture, when screwed on desk.
75. Confucius say man who masturbate, only screwing himself.
74. Confucius say even greatest of whales, helpless in desert.
73. Confucius say: Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient.
72. Confucius say woman who slide down bannister, make monkey shine.
71. Confucius say wash face in morning, neck at night.
70. Confucius say woman who dance wearing jock strap, have make believe ballroom.
#69 – 60. Confucius Say Jokes
69. Confucius say learn to masturbate-come in handy.
68. Confucius say man who put cream in tart, not always baker.
67. Confucius say man with head on railroad track, listening for train to come, get splitting headache.
66. Confucius say virgin with thimble on finger, never feel prick.
65. Confucius say all men eat, but Fumanchu.
64. Confucius say foolish man give wife grand piano-wise man give wife upright organ.
63. Confucius say he who have last laugh, not get joke.
62. Confucius say Kotex is not best thing on earth, is next-to-best thing on earth.
61. Confucius say secretary not permanent fixture until screwed on desk.
60. Confucius say man who learn to masturbate come in handy!
#59 – 50. Confucius Say Jokes
59. Confucius say rape should not happen-woman run faster with skirt up, than man with pants down.
58. Confucius say never raise hands to angry child-leave groin exposed.
57. Confucius say man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent.
56. Confucius say It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
55. Confucius say he who fart in church, sit in own pew.
54. Confucius say war not determine who right, war determine who left.
53. Confucius say finding old man in dark, not hard.
52. Confucius say shallow woman like man with short temper.
51. Confucius say man who sleep with bitchy wife, wake with itchy trigger-finger.
50. Confucius say never trust man with short legs-brains too near bottom.
#49 – 40. Confucius Say Jokes
49. Confucius say man who fall in vat of molten glass, make spectacle of self.
48. Confucius say he who crosses ocean twice without washing, dirty double crosser.
47. Confucius say man with big mouth, beware of foot.
46. Confucius say man who sit on tack, get point.
45. Confucius say he who live in stone house, should not throw glasses.
44. Confucius say man who leap off cliff, jump to conclusion.
43. Confucius say woman who put detergent on top shelf, jump for joy.
42. Confucius say man who put cock on stove, have hot rod.
41. Confucius say man under wheelbarrow playing with tool, not necessarily mechanic.
40. Confucius say man who keep feet firmly planted on ground, have trouble putting on pants.
#39 – 30. Confucius Say Jokes
39. Confucius say takes many nails to build crib, but only one screw to fill it.
38. Confucius say girl who ride bicycle, peddle ass all over town.
37. Confucius say naked man fear no pickpocket.
36. Confucius say woman wearing G-string, high on crack.
35. Confucius say the end of day is near when small men make long shadows.
34. Confucius say America good place for Chinese restaurant.
33. Confucius say man who stand on toilet, high on pot.
32. Confucius say man who sink in woman’s arms, soon have arms in woman’s sink.
31. Confucius say man piss in wind, wind piss back.
30. Confucius say man who get kicked in testicles, left holding the bag.
#29 – 20. Confucius Say Jokes
29. Confucius say girl who marry detective, like to kiss dick.
28. Confucius say man who walk through airport door sideways, going to Bangkok.
27. Confucius say sailor who get discharged from navy, leave buddies behind.
26. Confucius say man who sleep with old hen, find it better than pullet.
25. Confucius say waitress who sit on lepper’s lap, keep tip.
24. Confucius say man who go to bed with itchy asshole, wake with stinky finger.
23. Confucius say, man who fart in church sit in own pew.
22. Confucius say man who marry girl with no bust, have right to feel low down.
21. Confucius say when lady say no, she mean maybe. When lady say maybe, she mean yes. When lady say yes, she no lady!
20. Confucius say woman how cook carrots and peas in same pot, not sanitary.
#19 – 10. Confucius Say Jokes
19. Confucius say better to be pissed off than pissed on.
18. Confucius say bird in hand, make difficult to blow nose.
17. Confucius say man with hole in pocket, feel cocky.
16. Confucius say cow with no legs, ground beef.
15. Confucius say he who eat crackers in bed, have crummy sleep.
14. Confucius say man who jizz in cash register, come into money.
13. Confucius say elevator smell different to midget.
12. Confucius say virginity like balloon-one prick, all gone.
11. Confucius say woman who pounce on dead rooster, go down on limp cock.
10. Confucius say he who sneeze without tissue, take matter in own hands.
#9 – 1. Confucius Say Jokes
9. Confucius say man who put face in punchbowl, get punch in nose.
8. Confucius say man like baby-want to suck tit all day.
7. Confucius say too many light bulb jokes, soon burn out.
6. Confucius say girl who sit on jockey’s lap get hot tip.
5. Confucius say man who buy drowned cat, get wet pussy.
4. Confucius say man who speak with forked tongue, should not kiss balloons.
3. Confucius say man who fishes in other’s holes, get crabs.
2. Confucius say support bacteria-is only culture some people have.
1.Confucius say: “Man cannot exchange woman of forty for two twenties…”
Ideas for the top 101 Confucius Say Jokes were taken from the following sources. [1]Super Joke – CONFUCIUS SAY JOKE[2]just one liners – Confucius say
References