Les Listes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Funny jokes are great to lighten the mood. With that in mind, check out below for the top 101 funny jokes.
Table of Contents
#101 – 90. Funny Jokes
101. I think Fear Factor would have been much scarier if it had just been people in their twenties trying to figure out how to have careers!
100. What does a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common? In the end, someone is going to lose a trailer.
99. What does Dumbo do after taking a photocopy? He compares it with the original document for spelling mistakes!
98. Just changed my Facebook name to “no one” so when I see stupid posts I can click like and it will say “no One likes this”.
97. There are two types of people in this world, Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
96. What’s the difference between a dog and a fox? About 10 beers.
95. My wife saw a spider and told me to take it out instead of killing it. So we went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
94. It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
93. I woke up with a dead leg this morning. That’s the last time I take out a loan with the mafia.
92. What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married? Feyonce!
91. My friends keep saying I’m the cheapest person they know but I’m not buying it.
90. I went on a once in a lifetime holiday. Never again.
#89 – 80. Funny Jokes
89. What do you call a Chinese Billionaire? Cha-Ching!
88. Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.
87. My wife thinks I’m cheating on her. It’s affair assumption.
86. Did you hear about the atheist who couldn’t use exponents? He didn’t believe in higher powers.
85. Fastest mode of communication…tell a girl a rumor a take a promise to keep it a secret.
84. Children are like farts. You can really only stand your own.
83. What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.
82. I’m like a God to my girlfriend. I’m always watching her yet she doesn’t know I exist.
81. What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt!
80. How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce “unionized.”
#79 – 70. Funny Jokes
79. I asked my wife to let me know next time she has an orgasm but she said that she doesn’t like to call me at work.
78. It’s very rare that a defibrillator fails. But when it does, no one is shocked.
77. Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly.
76. I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
75. How do you keep a man from drowning? Get his wife/GF off his back.
74. I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
73. What do the Titanic and the movie Sixth Sense have in common? Icy dead people.
72. What happened to the overconfident lion-tamer? He was consumed by his own pride.
71. A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. He’s now a seasoned veteran.
70. A guy on the street yesterday said, “Bro, do you want this pamphlet?” I replied, “Brochure”.
#69 – 60. Funny Jokes
69. What did one snowman say to the other? Nice balls.
68. What do you call a pig with high aspirations in life? Hambitious
67. What do you call a big pile of kittens? A meowntain.
66. Two fish are sitting in a tank. One looks over at the other and says: “Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?”
65. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
64. How many Alzheimer’s patients does it take to change a light bulb?…To get to the other side!
63. Wanna hear a joke about Potassium? Whether they say ‘yes’ or ‘no’: K.
62. Never argue with a fool, they will lower you to their level, and then beat you with experience.
61. I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
60. What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
#59 – 50. Funny Jokes
59. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain.
58. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? Elephino!
57. Why did the orange stop? Because, it ran outta juice.
56. I have already acted on your memo on saving power in my department by an immediate ban on employee empowerment!
55. There’s no “I” in Denial.
54. Never ask for the “high five” from a short person, you can ask for a “low five”!
53. What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? Boobies.
52. “This is your captain speaking, AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING.”
51. What did one butt cheek say to the other? Together, we can stop this sh*t.
50. Why can’t a bike stand by itself? Because it is two tired.
#49 – 40. Funny Jokes
49. Why did the storm trooper buy an iphone? He couldn’t find the Droid he was looking for.
48. Behind every great man is a woman with a hostage.
47. Did you know you can’t run in campgrounds? You can only ran, because it’s past tents
46. If con is the opposite of pro, does it mean Congress is the opposite of Progress?
45. I hate Russian dolls…so full of themselves.
44. Two whales walk into a bar. The first one says, “Weeeeeooooouuuhhhh.” The next whale says, “Shut up, Steve. You’re drunk.”
43. Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. He’s never gonna give you up.
42. What’s the key to making a good mailman joke? The delivery.
41. Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
40. When I was 18 I wanted to kill myself but I am a procrastinator so I started smoking instead.
#39 – 30. Funny Jokes
39. Why did the policeman smell bad? He was on duty.
38. What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes *whack* “damn” and a skydiver goes “damn” *whack*.
37. Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year.
36. My girlfriend changed a lot after she became vegan. Its like I’ve never seen herbivore.
35. I’m not going to say my wife is a bad cook but she does use the smoke alarm as a timer.
34. What happens if a cop catches you peeing in public? Urine trouble.
33. What do you get when you spell “man” backwards? Flashbacks.
32. My teacher pointed at me with her ruler and said that at the end of this ruler is a dumb. I got a detention after asking, “Which end?”
31. I’m addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want.
30. My granddad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo.
#29 – 20. Funny Jokes
29. How does NASA organize their company parties? They ‘planet’.
28. I told my dad to embrace his mistakes. He cried. Then he hugged my sister and me.
27. My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
26. My clever friend said that onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.
25. I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
24. A baby seal walks into a club.
23. There were two peanuts walking down a dark alley, one was assaulted.
22. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
21. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
20. Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? For drizzle!
#19 – 10. Funny Jokes
19. What’s the difference between my ex and the titanic? The titanic only went down on 1,000 people.
18. A plateau is the highest form of flattery.
17. My wife was complaining the other day saying that I never take her anywhere expensive anymore. So I said “come on, get in the car we’re going to the gas station”.
16. What do you call a hippies’ wife? Mississippi
15. What do you call a magic dog? A labracadabrador.
14. My mom never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
13. I saw a man at the ATM the other day standing on one leg. When I asked him what he was doing, he replied, “just checking my balance”.
12. How many introverts does it take to change a light bulb? Why does it have to be a group activity?
11. They really should stock ATM’s better. I went to 5 different ones today and they all said insufficient funds.
10. What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!
#9 – 1. Funny Jokes
9. What do they call the hunger games in France? Battle royale with cheese.
8. I like my women like I like my coffee. From a third world country and at a reasonable price.
7. It takes a lot of balls to golf like me.
6. How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
5. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
4. Got approached by a prostitute today who said that she would do anything for $10. Guess who just got their car washed?
3. What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything.
2. What do you call sleepwalking nun…A roamin’ Catholic.
1. What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef stroganoff.
Ideas for the top 101 funny jokes were taken from the following sources.[1]Buzz South Africa – 52 Short Funny Joke[2]Answer Africa – 160 Best Funny Short Jokes[3]Jokes lol[4]Distractify – The 40 Funniest Short Jokes: These Are Too Clever!
