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Husbands are supposed to be the head of a household. However, many times it doesn’t really seem like that. With that in mind, check out the top 24 husband jokes.
#24 – 20. Husband Jokes
24. What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? 1) After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. 2) A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
23. Why didn’t the husband change the baby for a week? Because the text on the diapers package said ’18-40 lbs’.
22. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? Rename the mail folder “Instruction Manuals.”
21. Two husbands were having a conversation, First guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!” Second guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
20. Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They’re hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don’t work half the time.
#19 – 10. Husband Jokes
19. A man speaks frantically on phone, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!” “Is this her first child?” the doctor queries.”No, you idiot!” the man shouts. “This is her husband!”
18. “Mommy, mommy, I found daddy!” “How often do I have to tell you not to dig around in the garden!”
17. “My wife suffers from a drinking problem.” “Oh is she an alcoholic?” “No, I am, but she’s the one who suffers.”
16. A wife tells her husband while watching a Mexican TV series: “Look, how much he loves her…” “Yes. But do you know how much he’s being paid for that?”
15. Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather than briefs? Yes, but you’ll have an even better chance if he doesn’t wear anything at all.
14. After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” The husband replied: “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice it.”
13. Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A. A widow.
12. Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what?
11. I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much is that it’s the only time he hears someone tell him, “Wow, that’s a big one!”
10. Wives want to videotape the birth of their child, while husbands want to videotape the conception.
#9 – 1. Husband Jokes
9. “A happy marriage is nothing but a give and take relationship; the husband gives and the wife takes.”
8. I had to get rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.
7. How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.
6. My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
5. My husband said he wanted more space. So I locked him outside.
4. What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband? Miss her. Pity her.
3. A wife sending a short message to her husband: It was just said on the news that they found a hideous corpse with a hollow head, a cigar among ugly rotten teeth and a bottle of liquor in his hand. I’m worried about you!. Please, give me a ring…
2. The wife of a boxer wakes up because of the sounds that come from the dining room. She wakes her husband up: Rocky, I think someone wants a particular boxing lesson…
1.Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife’s panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband’s dick hard, not his life…
Ideas for the top 24 husband jokes come from the following sources.[1]SuperJokes – Husband Joke[2]Jokes 4 All – Husband Joke[3]UniJokes – The Best Husband Joke
References