Top 53 Onion Jokes

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Onions are a great vegetable the elevates any meal you add it to. With that in mind, check out the top 53 onion jokes.

#53 – 50. Onion Jokes

53. Have you ever heard of the garlic and onions diet? you eat garlic and onions only for a week, you don’t get much thinner but people will stay far away from you so you seem smaller.

52. What does a medical equation have in common with an onion? They both make you cry

51. A lot of people cry when they cut onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.

50. I used to cry when my dad cut onions Onions was a good dog, I miss him dearly

#49 – 40. Onion Jokes

49. What’s the difference between a baby and an onion? One screams when I peel it’s skin off.

48. My friend gave me grief for tears leaking feom my face when i was chopping some strong onions. He called me a weakling, and said there was no food that made him cry.  So I threw a coconut at his face.

47. Many vegetables live above ground. Not onions though. Onions have lairs.

46. Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today’s onions from onionderthals.

45. My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.

44. My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry So I threw a coconut at her

43. I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry Onions was a good dog…

42. I always cried when dad chopped onions Onions was a good dog

41. All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.

40. Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.

#39 – 30. Onion Jokes

39. When I heard that the government may put chips into our bodies in the future, I disagreed with the idea. They should be putting in onions and sour creams.

38. “The onion” has run out of business They just say that they have no chance to best Trump at satirical news.

37. When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song ‘Walla Walla’.

36. The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.

35. I heard the government was putting chips in people. Well mine better be sour cream and onion.

34. Why does Mr Potato Head have a mobile? In case Mr Onion Rings.

33. I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.

32. If your home made onion rings don’t get crispy, do not give up. Keep on frying!

31. I was chopping up onions and my kids started to cry. Onions is a stupid name for a dog anyway.

30. I cried whenever my dad cut onions I miss Onions. He was my favourite brother

#29 – 20. Onion Jokes

29. Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.

28. The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.

27. At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying ‘Shallot’.

26. What’s small, white and laughs a lot in salads? A tickled onion.

25. I thought I heard an onion singing a Bee Gees song. But it turned out it was just a chive talking.

24. Why do onions lock their doors when they study? To make sure they’re onionterrupted.

23. The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn’t have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.

22. A green onion shouts “Yo, drop the beet!” Quite the rapscallion.

21. What kind of horse does an onion ride? A Scallion

20. My friend thought that an onion is the only food that can make you cry So I threw a coconut at his head

#19 – 10. Onion Jokes

19. I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.

18. What is the opposite of “onion”? I guess it could be either of “offioff”, “offyouoff”, “offion”, “onioff”, “offyouon” or “onyouoff”

17. My local spring onions have started singing hip hop. The little rap scallions.

16. Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.

15. Thousands of years ago, onions ruled this world. Only a few relics of its remarkable culture from the ancient civilizationion can be found.

14. During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.

13. A little known fact about me is I never cry when cutting onions Just the rest of the time.

12. How did the Jewish onion greet his cousin? Shallot.

11. I saw an onion ring. So I answered it.

10. While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears.

#9 – 1. Onion Jokes

9. Inside one in every 3.14 onions is an opinion.

8. Got this friend who always drops french fries when he eats them. I told him to try onion rings because they’re easier to hold, so he switched but it’s still a problem. They’re dropping like fries.

7. Have you seen the film about an onion that turns into a spider? It’s called Shallot’s Web

6. My wife was surprised when I cut the onion in the shape of a die. I just followed the instruction asking me to dice the onions.

5. How do vegetables greet each other Onion-hasayo

4. My dad is chopping up Onions in the other room, I’ve been crying all day. Onions was a good dog, but I’m still pretty excited for taco night.

3. If you cry when you cut an onion, here’s a tip: Don’t get emotionally attached

2. The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it ‘Chives Talking’.

1. My friend thought he was factual when he said that onions are the only vegetables that make one When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.

Ideas for the top 53 onion jokes come from the following sources.^[1]upjoke – onion joke^[2]puns and one liners – onion joke^[3]worst jokes ever – onion joke^[4]kidadl – 80 Best Onion Puns, Jokes And One-Liners