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Flying in a plane is a wonderful experience. Getting to fly above the earth, gives you a great perspective, even with jokes. With that in mind, check out the top 82 airplane jokes.
Table of Contents
#82 – 80. Airplane Jokes
82. Q: How do you know you’re flying over Poland? A: Toilet paper hanging on the clotheslines.
81. When Chuck Norris goes through airport security he makes them take their shoes off.
80. Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. Maintenance Engineer: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
#79 – 70. Airplane Jokes
79. TRAIN: Why did the airplane get sent to his room? CAR: I don’t know. TRAIN: Bad altitude.
78. Q: What is the difference between an ISIS boot camp and a local school? A: How should I know? I just fly the drones.
77. Don’t make 9/11 jokes, my dad died at the twin towers. The best damn pilot in Saudi Arabia.
76. “Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.”
75. Q: What do you get when you put a flight stick in an egg? A: A yoke.
74. When Chuck Norris goes skydiving at 10,000 feet he jumps into the plane… from the ground.
73. While we all get checked by the airport security, Chuck checks the airport security.
72. Q: Wanna know how to make a small fortune running a charter airline? A: Start out with a large one.
71. Pilot: Aircraft handles funny. Maintenance Engineer: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
70. Q: Why do 747s have humps? A: So the pilot can sit on his wallet.
#69 – 60. Airplane Jokes
69. Q: What do you get when you cross an airplane with a magician? A: a flying sorcerer.
68. Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats? A: So they can see their Air Force.
67. Q: Hawe you seen the romantic comedy with David Dao? A: It’s called “10 Things I Hate About U-nited”
66. Q: What do you call a pregnant flight attendant? A: Pilot error.
65. Q: What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? A: Plane Chocolate!
64. PETER: What has a nose and flies but can’t smell? ELAINE: I haven’t a clue. PETER: An airplane!
63. In 1945 Chuck Norris drank a Redbull and jumped out a plane. For image results, Google the word Hiroshima.
62. Q: What do you call a space pilot who lives dangerously? A: Han YOLO
61. Q: What’s the difference between a fighter pilot and God? A: God doesn’t think He’s a fighter pilot.
60. Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield. Maintenance Engineer: Live bugs on back-order.
#59 – 50. Airplane Jokes
59. Q: Why do ducks fly over Oklahoma upside down? A: There’s nothing worth craping on!
58. Pilot: Target radar hums. Maintenance Engineer: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics
57. If you masterbate on a plane do they charge you with “hi-jacking”?
56. When terrorists feed their children, do they use the airplane method of “open wide” while making airplane noises? Or do they just smash it into their faces?
55. Pilot: Mouse in cockpit. Maintenance Engineer: Cat installed.
54. Yo momma so fat that when she was seated in the last row, the plane couldn’t get off the ground.
53. Q: What do you call a flying primate? A: A hot air baboon!
52. Q: What do bleached blondes and airplanes both have in common? A: They both have a black box.
51. Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Maintenance Engineer: That’s what they’re for
50. Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Maintenance Engineer: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
#49 – 40. Airplane Jokes
49. Q: What happened after Ms Piggy and an unnamed feral pig were married in a lavish ceremony over the weekend? A: The Swine Flu to Hawaii on flight H1N1
48. What do an airport and a illegal abortion have in common? The Hanger.
47. SETH: What do you call it when a giraffe swallows a toy jet? JAKE: Tell me. SETH: A “plane in the neck.”
46. Q: Where can you find Tom Cruise on a flight? A: In Risky Business class.
45. Chuck Norris does not wear a seatbelt and reclines his seat before takeoff and landing on an airplane because he can.
44. Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud. Maintenance Engineer: DME volume set to more believable level.
43. Q: What do you call a plane that’s about to crash? A: An “Error Plane”
42. Q: A plane crashed and every single person died except two, Why? A: Because they were a couple.
41. What is the ideal cockpit crew? A pilot and a dog. The pilot is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to bite the pilot in case he tries to touch anything.
40. Chuck Norris is the only weapon allowed through airport security
#39 – 30. Airplane Jokes
39. And from the pilot during his welcome message: “Delta airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!”
38. What is the difference between an pilot and a pig? The pig doesn’t turn into a pilot when it’s drunk.
37. Q: Why don`t ducks tell jokes when they fly? A: Because they would quack up!
36. A BOOK NEVER WRITTEN: “Flying for Beginners” by Landon Safely.
35. A BOOK NEVER WRITTEN: “Skydiving” by Hugo First.
34. Q: What do you call when you’re sick of being in the airport? A: Terminal illness.
33. Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Maintenance Engineer: Evidence removed.
32. Pilot: #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid Maintenance Engineer: #2 Propeller seepage normal – #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage
31. Q: Why can’t spiders become pilots? A: Because they only know how to tailspin.
30. “As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”
#29 – 20. Airplane Jokes
29. DAFFYNITION: PILOT — What you do with wood after you cut and split it.
28. Pilot: Something loose in cockpit. Maintenance Engineer: Something tightened in cockpit.
27. Q: Why did everyone want to sit next to Lisa Nowak (AstroNut) on her return flight to Texas? A: Because they knew she wasn’t going to get up for any bathroom breaks
26. Chuck Norris was once asked to place his legs and fists in the cargo bay of a plane because weapons aren’t allowed in the cabin.
25. Chuck Norris was once asked to place his legs and fists in the cargo bay of a plane because weapons aren’t allowed in the cabin.
24. Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield. Maintenance Engineer: Suspect you’re right.
23. Q: What’s the difference between a pilot and a pepperoni pizza? A: A pepperoni pizza can feed a family of four.
22. Q: Can bees fly in the rain? A: Not without their little yellow jackets
21. Pilot: IFF inoperative. Maintenance Engineer: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
20. When Chuck Norris was 5 he threw a paper airplane.
#19 – 10. Airplane Jokes
19. I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage. I lost my case.
18. Q: Whats the difference between a jet engine and a flight attendant? A: At the end of the flight the jet engine stops whining
17. Q: What do you call the movie where pilots fight to take off? A: The Hanger games.
16. TEACHER: Where are the Great Plains located? TOMMY: At the great airports!
15. Chuck Norris can fold airplanes into paper.
14. Q: What do women and airplanes have in common? A: They both have a cockpit.
13. Q: Why did the students study in the airplane? A: Because they wanted higher grades.
12. “Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with you with our compliments.”
11. Q: What do you a call pilot that took economics? A: Anna F
10. Yo mama so stupid that when she turned on airplane mode…She thought she could fly.
#9 – 1. Airplane Jokes
9. Pilot: Number 3 engine missing. Maintenance Engineer: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
8. Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. Maintenance Engineer: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
7. Q: How do you know your overweight? A: You have to purchase two airline tickets.
6. Q: How is Southwest Airlines capitalizing on Tiger Woods infidelty woes? A: By introducing a special Tiger Woods rate where mistresses fly free!
5. Q: What do you call a black pilot? A: a pilot, you racist.
4. Q: What seperates three whores form two alcoholics? A: The cockpit door!
3. Q: How do you know your friends broke? A: When they get mad they can’t afford to fly off the handle so they gotta go greyhound off the handle.
2. Q: Why will a pilot never starve to death? A: He can always boil his tie. (pilots eat with food in lap; getting tie dirty)
1.Chuck Norris put his phone on air-plane mode and flew it.
Ideas for the top 82 airplane jokes were taken from the following sources. [1]Jokes 4 Us – Pilot Jokes[2]Super Jokes – Airplane Joke[3]Unijokes – The Best Airplane Joke[4]Think & Grin – Airplane Joke[5]Aviation – What is your favorite aviation joke?
