10 of the Most Funny New Years Resolutions Ever Made
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It is a new year again. That means for most of us it is time to start thinking about our New Year’s resolutions. Some of us may even choose to make some funny New Years resolutions and add to that funny buck list. However, statistical studies show:
- 27% of people break their resolutions by the first week of January
- 31% lose their resolution by the second week of January
- 41% do not last more than one month, and 55% have stopped after six months[1]Statistic Brain – New Years Resolution Statistics
Most likely you will probably also break your New Year’s resolution as well.However, there have been some crazy and ridiculous New Year’s resolutions. Check out below for 10 of the most funny new years resolutions ever made.
#10: The Sport of Extreme Ironing
In 2013, Bill Mann, a columnist for USA Today proposed one of the most funny new years resolutions ever. His New Year’s resolution was to try extreme ironing.[2]USA Today – 5 weird New Year’s resolutions Extreme ironing is an “extreme sport” where participants take ironing boards to unique locations and iron pieces of clothing.
In the 1990s, a British man, Phil Shaw, founded the sport. One day after work while doing chores, he decided that to go rock climbing instead. Instead of stopping his chores, he brought his ironing board with him instead. However, don’t limit yourself to just rock climbing with you are extreme ironing. In fact, it can take place anywhere. For example, you can do it while canoeing, while driving, while climbing trees, while riding a horse, or even skydiving.
#9: Avoiding Silly Security Flaws
At the end of 2017, Apple had a massive security flaw in their macOS High Sierra operating system. The flaw allowed anyone to easily access a Mac computer. All they had to do was click ‘other’ on the login screen and type in ‘root’ as the username. They didn’t even need a password.[3]techradar – Apple has now fixed the major macOS High Sierra security flaw This is not a good image for Apple, who promotes their own unbeatable security. However, they managed to fix this security flaw.
As one of their funny New Years resolutions, they promised to avoided any other similar security flaws in their system. Unsurprisingly, like most people who make funny new years resolutions, they failed. In fact, in 2018, critics found that it was easy to change the Apple App Store password. In fact, you could do this without even having to know the old password. This virtually allowed anyone access to your Apple App Store account.
#8: Queen Elizabeth I’s Funny New Years Resolutions
Queen Elizabeth I was a fan of fans. Historically, it was a royal tradition for the the court to give the Queen gifts on the New Year. One year, she mentioned that she would like a fan as a present. Hearing this, the Earl of Leicester gave her a magnificent fan encrusted with diamonds, rubies and other valuable gems.[4]National Portrait Gallery – The Queen’s Likeness: Portraits of Elizabeth I
The rest of the court saw this and wanted to one up the Earl. As such, they also decided to give her beautiful fans as gifts. In fact, after this, giving fans to the Queen became a tradition. Over the course of her life, she received thousands of fans as gifts. In fact, you can even see it in famous paintings of her such as The Darnley portrait.[5]National Portrait Gallery – Queen Elizabeth I
#7: Stop Seeing Plays
Sometimes, what may seem as a funny New Years resolutions now, may not have always been so. In fact, it’s important to look at it in light of the time period it came from. For example, today, many people consider going to the theater as a cultivated activity for people with a discriminating taste. In fact, you might even include it as a New Year’s resolutions to broaden your cultural horizons.
However, this was not always the case. In fact, Samuel Pepys, a member of England’s Parliament in the 17th century, wrote in his diary that he will ‘abstain…from plays’,[6]The Diary of Samuel Pepys – Tuesday 31 December 1661 In the 17th century, English Puritans viewed the theater as being morally wrong. They went so far as to describe dancing as the ‘Devil’s Mass’ and female actors as ‘notorious whores’.[7]Victoria and Albert Museum – 17th-Century Theatre Pepys is famous for his private diaries. They serve as a firsthand account to many historical events during the period as well as to the Puritan thinking of the time. Therefore, while to make the New Year’s resolution to not go to the theater may sound ridiculous to a modern day reader, it wasn’t during that period of history.
#6: Not Liking Children
Many people probably know of someone who does not like children. You might even understand why. Babies and children can be loud, annoying, and take up a lot of your time. However, there are not a lot people who actively make it a New Year’s resolution to not like children. However, Jonathan Swift, the famous author of Gulliver’s Travels, wrote down this very goal as a New Year’s resolution. In his famous book, A Tale of a Tub, Swift made a list of aspirations when he became old. Among other things, he included to ‘Not to be fond of Children, or let them come near me hardly.’[8]BrainPickings – Famous Resolution Lists: Jonathan Swift, Susan Sontag, Marilyn Monroe, Woody Guthrie Because critics know him as a famous satirist, they need to take his resolve with a grain of salt. However, perhaps coincidentally, he did not have any children.
#5: Become the 1st Person to be President of the Soviet Union, Great Britain, and Germany at the Same Time
Godfrey Harold Hardy was a great Cambridge mathematician from the 1900s. He famously showed the importance of theoretical mathematics within the educational community. In addition, he was famously a bachelor his whole life, with math being his only lover. In addition, he also gave one of the most funny New Years resolutions ever. He wanted to become the first person to simultaneously be the president of the USSR, Great Britain, and Germany.[9]Ramanujan’s Place in the World of Mathematics
#4: Being a Nice Theater Critic
To be a nice theater critic sounds like an oxymoron. It is the definition of a critic to be critical. In the animation Ratatouille, the character Anton Ego, a restaurant critic, best sums up the stereotype when he said, ‘We risk very little yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read’.[10]Forbes – Finally: A Business Memoir That Owes More To Nassim Taleb Than To Jack Welch Therefore, it’s ironic when the famous theater critic, Louis Kronenberg, complained that he had to break his New Year’s resolution to be ‘kind and courteous’ when reviewing theater plays.[11]The Complete Book of 1940s Broadway Musicals
#3: Locking Yourself In Until You Finish Writing
Writers block is the plague of many writers. However, there are several things you can do to help overcome it. For example try stepping away and doing something else creative, moving around, or writing in the morning. Another more extreme way to overcome writer’s block is to lock yourself in until you finish.
However, J.M. Coetzee, a Nobel Prize winner for Literature, began his career using exactly this method. In fact, before his 30th birthday, he followed through with his funny New Years resolution by locking himself inside his house with just his clothes and ‘vowing that he would not emerge until he had written a thousand words’.[12]J.M. Coetzee and the Life of Writing: Face to Face with Time
#2: Wishing for Nothing!
Nihilism is the belief that life is meaningless. Understandably, many people associate it with extreme pessimism and skepticism. Therefore, when The Times asked the nihilistic writer, Samuel Beckett, for a small article in their magazine about what his 1984 New Year’s resolution was, they should have been ready for his answer. He responded back by telegraph with the following message: ‘RESOLUTIONS: ZERO. HOPES: ZERO.'[13]The Telegraph – The first stirrings of a writer’s voice
#1: Taking a Bath Everyday
The point of making a New Year’s resolution is to improve yourself. Common example might include reading more books and eating fewer sweets. However for most people, cleaning themselves daily does not usually come to mind.
However, the famous American singer and song writer from the early 1900s, Woody Guthrie’s, made the funny New Years resolution to take a bath.[14]Woody Guthrie – Woody Guthrie’s New Years Rulin’s! Perhaps, where he grew up and the period he grew up in made it less likely to take a daily bath or shower, but to today’s society this seems like a ridiculous New Year’s resolution.
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