Top 101 Teacher Jokes

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Being a teacher is a hard and important job. However, that doesn’t mean it can’t be fun and you can’t joke around. Check out below for the top 101 teacher jokes.

#101 – 90. Teacher Jokes

101. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?” After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”

100. Where Does a Math Teacher Eat Dinner? At a multiplication table!

99. Math teachers have too many problems.

98. How Is a Teacher like a Judge? They both give out sentences.

97. English teachers never write students off.

96. Q: Teacher: You missed school yesterday, didn’t you? A: Student: Not really.

95. Why did Johnny take a ruler to bed? Because he wanted to see how long he slept!

94. What did the ghost teacher say to the class? Look at the board and I will go through it again.

93. Why Wasn’t the Geometry Teacher at School? Because they sprained their angle!

92. Why was the students report card all wet? Because it was below C ( sea ) level.

91. Does it count as differentiated instruction if I print their worksheets in different colors?

90. Why Did the Music Teacher Need a Ladder? To reach the high notes!

#89 – 80. Teacher Jokes

89. Q: Why did the students like their trigonometry teacher? A: He never gave homework asSINments.

88. What is the Great Depression? when you get a bad report card

87. Why did the broom get a poor grade in school?… Because it was always sweeping during class!

86. What Does a Math Teacher Do about Constipation? He works it out with a pencil.

85. Why does the principal keep talking to me about having more “arty eye”? I teach reading, not art.

84. Q: Why did the teacher turn the lights on? A: Because her class was so dim.

83. The school calendar’s days are numbered.

82. Q: Why did the teacher wear sunglasses? A: Because his class was so bright!

81. Teacher: Why have you got cotton wool in your ears, do you have an infection? Pupil: Well you keep saying that things go in one ear and out the other so I am trying to keep them it all in!

80. Q: Why did the teacher go to the beach? A: To test the water.

#79 – 70. Teacher Jokes

79. My teacher said to me today, “You missed school yesterday, didn’t you?” I said, “Not really.”

78. Where do door-makers get their education? The school of hard knocks

77. My friend used to teach Computer Science but then he lost his drive.

76. What school do you greet people in? Hi School!

75. My math teacher asked me why I was doing my sums on the floor. I said, “You told us to do them without using tables.”

74. Q: Teacher: I hope I didn’t see you looking at John’s exam? A: Student: I hope you didn’t either.

73. Why Do Chemistry Professors Enjoy Teaching about Ammonia? Because it’s basic material.

72. How Does a Math Professor Propose to His Fiance? With a polynomial ring!

71. What is 5Q + 5Q? 10Q ….. and You’re Welcome!

70. Teachers deserve a lot of credit. Of course, if we paid them more, they wouldn’t need it.

#69 – 60. Teacher Jokes

69. Q: What did the ghost teacher say to the class? A: Look at the board and I will go through it again.

68. Q: Teacher: If I had 6 oranges in one hand and 7 apples in the other, what would I have? A: Student: Big hands!

67. What Kind of Food Do Math Teachers Eat? Square meals.

66. How do you spell Hard Water with 3 letters? ICE!

65. What do you call a teacher without students? Happy

64. My teacher pointed his ruler at me and said, at the end of this ruler there is an idiot. I got in trouble after asking which end.

63. Teachers who take class attendance are absent-minded.

62. My teacher asked me today, “If your Dad earned $1,000 a week and gave your Mum half, what would she have?” I said, “A heart attack.”

61. Son: I can’t go to school today. Father: Why not? Son: I don’t feel well Father: Where don’t you feel well? Son: In school!

60. Why do magicians do so well in school?… They’re good at trick questions.

#59 – 50. Teacher Jokes

59. Q: How is an English teacher like a judge? A: They both give out sentences.

58. If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.

57. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a vampire? Lots of blood tests.

56. What’s the king of all school supplies?… The ruler.

55. Teachers always tell us to follow our dreams….BUT yet they don’t let us sleep in class.

54. My teacher told me I failed my exam. I told them they failed to educate me.

53. A teacher was asked to fill out a special questionnaire for the state. One question said, “Give two reasons for entering the teaching profession.” The teacher wrote: “July and August.”

52. What do you call a teacher without students? Happy.

51. What Do You Say to Comfort a Grammar Teacher? “They’re, there, their.”

50. Kid comes home from 1st day at school. Mum asks, ‘What did you learn today?’ Kid replies, ‘Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.’

#49 – 40. Teacher Jokes

49. Why Did the Teacher Write on the Window? Because the the lesson needed to be clear.

48. Who should be your best friend at school? Your princi-pal!

47. What is the center of gravity? The letter “V”!

46. Why Do Teachers Fart in Class? Because they’re not private tooters.

45. Q: Why did closing her eyes remind the teacher of her classroom? A: Because there were no pupils to see.

44. Q: What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you? A: Pick them up and roll them back

43. Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of Pupil: Life imprisonment!

42. What’s the Difference Between a Teacher and a Train? The teacher says “Spit your gum out” and the train says, “Chew, chew!”

41. What Kind of Tests Do Witches Take? Hex-aminations.

40. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Gladys…. Gladys, who?… Gladys the weekend—no homework!

#39 – 30. Teacher Jokes

39. When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench and said, “Madam, I’ve waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court.” Then he smiled as he said, “Now, sit down at that table and write 500 times, ‘I will not pass through a red light.'”

38. What is a math teacher’s favorite sum? Summer!

37. What do you call a teacher without students? Broke…oh wait, that’s a regular teacher

36. What would happen if you took the school bus home? The police would make you bring it back!

35. What’s the Difference Between a Teacher and a Large Pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four.

34. Why Did the Teacher Marry the Janitor? Because he swept her off her feet!

33. Q: Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? A: She couldn’t control her pupils!

32. A globe means the world to a Geography teacher.

31. Q: Teacher: What is the shortest month? A: Student: May, it only has three letters.

30. My teacher’s a real joker. She came in to class today and said, “We’ll only have half a day of school this morning.” When we all cheered, she said, “We’ll have the other half this afternoon.”

#29 – 20. Teacher Jokes

29. A new teacher, trying to make use of her psychology courses, started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up.” After a few seconds, little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Johnny?” “No Ma’am, “he said, “but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”

28. Where Do Door Knockers Get Educated? The school of hard knocks.

27. Teacher: ‘Craig, you know you can’t sleep in my class.’ Craig: ‘I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.’

26. When I was a toddler, my parents would always say, “Excuse my French” just after a swear word. I’ll never forget the first day at school when my teacher asked if any of us knew any French.

25. Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger …

24. Father: How do you like going to school? Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I’m not too keen on the time in-between!

23. Q: Teacher: If you got $20 from 5 people, what do you get? A: Student: A new bike.

22. Why did the M&M go to school?… Because he really wanted to be a Smartie!

21. Q: Teacher: Didn’t I tell you to stand at the end of the line? A: Student: I tried but there was someone already there!

20. Q: Teacher: Give a a sentence beginning with “I”. A: Student: I is…. Q: Teacher: Stop there, you need to begin with “I am”. A: Student: Okay…I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

#19 – 10. Teacher Jokes

19. Q: Why did the teacher write on the window? A: Because she wanted the lesson to be very clear!

18. What’s the longest piece of furniture in the school? The multiplication table.

17. My teacher said today, “I want you to give me the longest sentence you can think of.” I said, “Life imprisonment.”

16. Pupil: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn’t do? Teacher: Of course not Pupil: Good, because I didn’t do my homework

15. I asked my teacher for advice when taking my maths exam and he said that you should always read through the paper first. That’s the last time I listen to him. I was halfway through my horoscope when I heard, “Okay, pencils down.”

14. What’s a Teacher’s Favorite Nation? Expla-nation.

13. We had an exam in class today and afterwards the teacher said to me, “I hope I didn’t see you looking at John’s answers.” I said, “I hope so too.”

12. Time Is a Great Teacher…Unfortunately it kills all its students.

11. What Do You Get When You Cross a Teacher and a Vampire? Lots of blood tests.

10. What Do You Call a Teacher Without Students? Happy.

#9 – 1. Teacher Jokes

9. What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?… A teacher says, “Spit out that gum!” and a train says, “Chew! Chew!”

8. What do you do if your teacher rolls her eyes at you? Pick them up and roll them back.

7. Pupil: I don’t think I deserved zero on this test! Teacher: I agree, but that’s the lowest mark I could give you!

6. Teacher: Why were you late? Student: Sorry, teacher, I overslept. Teacher: You mean you need to sleep at home too!

5. Q: Teacher: Answer my question at once. What is 7 plus 2? A: Student: At once!

4. Stressing the importance of a good vocabulary, the teacher told her young charges, “Use a word ten times, and it shall be yours for life.”

3. I remember my teacher telling me that looking out of the window wouldn’t get me anywhere. Did I have a smug look on my face later on in life when I handed him his burger and fries at the drive through.

2. What Do You Call a Music Teacher with Problems? A very trebled man.

1. Why don’t you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they’re all in HIGH School!

Ideas for the top 101 Teacher jokes were taken from the following sources.^[1]Teach Hub – Top 20 Teacher Joke^[2]Ducksters – Teacher Joke^[3]Ranker – The Funniest Teacher Joke^[4]Jokes 4 Us – Teachers One Liner Joke^[5]LaffGaff- Funny Teacher Joke And Puns^[6]My Town Tutors – Teacher Joke: Top Jokes for Teachers