Top 43 Funny New Year Jokes

Les Listes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Ringing in the New Year is a great time to bring in a little bit of humor. With that in mind, check out the top 43 funny New Year Jokes.

#43 – 40. Funny New Year Jokes

43. A drunk man comes inside a bar and says, “Happy New Year everybody.” and the waiter says, “We are in June you drunk man.” And the drunk man says, “Oh my god my wife is going to kill me I have never been so late in my life!”

42. Q: What did the dog say on New Year’s? A: Woof.

41. If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!

40. My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.

#39 – 30. Funny New Year Jokes

39. Q: What’s the best thing about New Year’s Eve? A: No more Christmas Carollers!

38. A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

37. You don’t have to wait until midnight to see my balls drop.

36. Q: What do New Year’s Parades have in common with Santa Claus? A: No one is awake to see either of them.

35. If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!

34. Q: Why does the person who runs Time’s Square on New Year’s feel like a failure? A: He always drops the ball.

33. Q: Why do you need a jeweler on New Years Eve? A: To ring in the new year.

32. Q: What happened to the person who stole a calendar on New Year’s Eve? A: He got 12 months.

31. I have only one resolution. To rediscover the difference between wants and needs. May I have all I need and want all I have. Happy New Year!

30. Q: What do comedians spend alot of time doing on New Years Eve? A: Waiting for a punchline.

#29 – 20. Funny New Year Jokes

29. Q: What’s the best New Years resolution? A: 1080p.

28. Q: What happened to the fireworks who were arrested on New Years Eve? A: They were let off.

27. Q: What do you say to someone when you see them after after the ball drops on New Year’s? A: I haven’t seen you since last year!

26. My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.

25. Q: What do you tell someone you didn’t see at New Year’s Eve? A: I haven’t seen you for a year!

24. Just got out of prison after attacking a man on New years eve. Excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from ten.

23. My new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.

22. Chuck starts the new year by roundhouse kicking the old one.

21. A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

20. Q: What do cows do on December 31st? A: Celebrate Moo Years Eve.

#19 – 10. Funny New Year Jokes

19. Q: Why shouldn’t you go jogging on New Years Eve? The ice falls out of your punch.

18. Q: What should you never eat on New Year’s Eve? A: Fire Crackers.

17. New Years Eve is the only acceptable time to wear body glitter without being mistaken for a stripper.

16. Q: Why do so many people smile in December? A: It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

15. My new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.

14. Q: What’s the official snack food of New Years? A: Dick Clark Bar

13. Q: Where is New Years Eve so Mathematical? A: Times Square

12. Q: Why did the boy have to go to the doctor on New Year’s Day? A: Too many punches.

11. Q: What did the farmer give his wife on New Years Eve? A: Hogs and kisses.

10. Q: What did the cheerleaders say on New Year’s Day? A: Happy New Cheer!

#9 – 1. Funny New Year Jokes

9. Q: What does a monster say on New Years? A: Happy New Fear!

8. Q: What does it mean if you were born in September? A: That your parents started the new year with a bang!

7. Q: What does a Ghost say on January 1st? A: Happy BOO year!

6. My New Years resolution is 1080p

5. If 2017 was a person, I’d sue him for pain and suffering and lost wages.

4. Q: What happened to the iPhone bully on New Year’s Eve? A: It was charged with battery.

3. This New Year’s I resolve to be less awesome since that is really the only thing I do in excess.

2. Q: Why are there so many vampires out on New Year’s Eve? A: For Old Fangs Time

1.Q: What’s the forecast for New Year’s Eve? A: Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.

Ideas for the top 43 funny New Year jokes were taken from the following sources. ^[1]Jokes 4 Us – New Years Joke^[2]Fun Kids Jokes – New Years Joke^[3]UniJokes – The best New Years Joke