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Valentines day is a time where you can show your appreciation for your loved ones. However, there are also a lot of funny quotes about the day. With that in mind, check out the top 49 funny Valentines Day quotes.
Table of Contents
#49 – 40. Funny Valentines Day Quotes
49. My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to. Rita Rudner
48. Today is Valentine’s Day. Or, as men like to call it, Extortion day. Jay Leno
47. Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch. Cathy Carlyle
46. A youth with his first cigar makes himself sick. A youth with his first girl makes everybody sick. Mary Wilson
45. If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something. Fran Lebowitz
44. Remember, your Valentine’s card shows you care enough to send the very best, even though you’re too lazy to put it in your own words. Melanie White
43. To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia. H. L. Mencken
42. Love is a game that two can play and both win. Eva Gabor
41. Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet service to see who they really are. Will Ferrell
40. Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in. Richard Jeni
#39 – 30. Funny Valentines Day Quotes
39. I want a man who’s kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire? Zsa Zsa Gabor
38. Valentine’s day has gotten blown way out of proportion. Valentine’s Day just used to be for your girlfriend or your wife but now everyone’s like ‘Oh, happy valentine’s day!’ I even got a Valentine’s Day card from my grandmother. How ridiculous is that? We stopped having sex years ago! Greg Giraldo
37. Love; A temporary insanity curable by marriage. Ambrose Bierce
36. Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements. Kathy Mohnke
35. Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is. Author Unknown
34. Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Phyllis Diller
33. What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork. Pearl Bailey
32. Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion. Mirabeau
31. Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell. Joan Crawford
30. I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Rita Rudner
#29 – 20. Funny Valentines Day Quotes
29. Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. Albert Einstein
28. February is a month of months, and there is one special day: Valentine’s Day on the 14th. I know it’s still a ways off, but I just can’t wait. Janice, if you’re watching, will you make me the happiest man in the world and get out of my apartment? Ed Helms
27. Husbands are like fires – they go out when they’re left unattended. Cher
26. It’s better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week. Laurence J. Peter
25. All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. Charles M. Schulz
24. Valentine’s Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don’t have a special someone, you’re alone. Lewis Black
23. One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry. Oscar Wilde
22. To comfort your sister if she’s alone during Valentine’s day, you may say: 80 percent of my socks are single but I have never seen them crying because of that. Uknown
21. Falling in love is so hard on the knees. Aerosmith
20. Every year, girls are like, ‘This is the year I get diamonds!’ And guys are like, ‘This is the year I get a blowjob!’ Everybody’s disappointed. Aisha Tyler
#19 – 10. Funny Valentines Day Quotes
19. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? Unknown
18. I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV. Tracy Smith
17. A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. Tim Allen
16. I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it? Jean Illsley Clarke
15. If you‘re alone during Valentine’s day, it is priceless for you. Otherwise, you would spend a few hundred pounds. Unknown
14. My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem, but they don’t really know me. Garry Shandling
13. Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia. Judith Viorst
12. Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. Groucho Marx
11. Get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day. Mickey Rooney
10. Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots. Hoosier Farmer
#9 – 1. Funny Valentines Day Quotes
9. Love thy neighbor — and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier. Mae West
8. Never go to bed mad — stay up and fight. Phyllis Diller
7. Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position. Christopher Marlowe
6. If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question? Lily Tomlin
5. No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. Unknown Source
4. True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. Erich Segal
3. The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead. Ann Landers
2. Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. Groucho Marx
1.You are never alone on Valentine’s Day if you’re near a lake and have bread. Mike Primavera
Ideas for the top 49 funny Valentines Day Quotes were taken from the following source. [1]Pollen Nation – 15 Funny Valentines Day Joke[2]Life Daily – The Best 20 Humorous Valentines Day Quotes[3]Flokka – 20 Funny Valentines Day Quotes[4]Red Book – 15 Funny Valentine’s Day Quote to Warm Your Cold, Dead Heart
