Top 88 Valentine Jokes

Valentine’s Day is a day when couples can celebrate their relationship. However, for those of us with no significant others, it can be a sad day. But don’t be too sad. Check out the top 88 Valentine jokes below to help pick up your spirits!

#88 – 80. Valentine Jokes

88. Q: Why does Cupid always make so much money at the casino? A: Because he’s a Valentine’s Card Shark.

87. Q: What did the whale say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? A: Whale you be mine!

86. Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? A: Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?

85. Q:  What happened when the man fell in love with his garden? A: It made him wed his plants!

84. Two antennae met on a roof, fell in love and got married. Their wedding ceremony wasn’t fancy. The reception, however, was excellent.

83. What happened when the man fell in love with his garden? It made him wed his plants!

82. What did the girl cat say to the boy cat on Valentine’s Day? A. You’re purrr-fect for me.

81. What would you get it you crossed Odie with the God of love? A stupid cupid!

80. What did the valentines day card say to the stamp? Stick with me and you’ll go places

#79 – 70. Valentine Jokes

79. I gave my girlfriend a cannoli for Valentine’s Day. When she asked why, I said, “I cannoli be happy when I’m with you.”

78. Knock Knock. Who’s there? Olive, Olive who? Olive you!

77. Q: What did the boy bear say to the girl bear on Valentine’s Day? A: I love you beary much!

76. What’s the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak? February 14th.

75. What is another way of saying Happy Valentines day! S.A.D, Singles Awareness Day!

74. If you were a triangle you’d be acute one.

73. Q: Did Adam and Eve ever have a date? A: No, but they had an Apple.

72. I just saved a bunch of money on Valentine’s Day by switching to single.

71. Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine? He fell in love with a pincushion!

70. Knock Knock Who’s there? Emma Emma who? Emma hoping I get lots of cards on Valentine’s Day!

#69 – 60. Valentine Jokes

69. Q: What kind of Valentine’s Day candy is never on time? A: ChocoLATE

68. You wanna hear a joke? Valentine’s Day Scientists have discovered a certain food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive on Valentines Day by 90 percent…. Wedding cake.

67. Why do melons have to get married in churches? Because they cantaloupe!

66. Q: What did the blueberry say to his wife on Valentine’s Day? A: I love you berry much.

65. Do you have a date for Valentine’s day? Yes, February 14th.

64. Q: What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? A: Be my Valenstein!

63. Q: What did one watermelon say to the other on Valentine’s Day? A: You’re one in a melon!

62. Valentines Day is the day that the “V” and “D” come together.

61. Nymphomaniac (nim(p)-fə-ˈmā-nē-yak) n. A women as obsessed with sex as the average man.

60. What did one oar say to the other? “Can I interest you in a little row-mance?”

#59 – 50. Valentine Jokes

59. Girl: “I can’t be your valentine for medical reasons.” Boy: “Really?” Girl: “Yeah, you make me sick!”

58. Q: What did one beet say to the other on Valentine’s Day? A: You make my heart beet faster!

57. Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune? A: Because it couldn’t get a date.

56. Roses are red, violets are blue. If he’s busy on Valentines Day, the side chick is you!

55. Q: If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her? A: Antelope.

54. Q: Where do hamburgers take their sweethearts on Valentine’s Day to dance? A: To the meatball.

53. Why shouldn’t you fall in love with a pastry chef? A. He’ll dessert you.

52. What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream? “I’m sweet on you!”

51. What did the man with the broken leg say to his nurse? “I’ve got a crutch on you!”

50. What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day? Forget-me-nuts.

#49 – 40. Valentine Jokes

49. What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day? Hogs and kisses!

48. What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts!

47. Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day? Sure, they’re very scent-imental!

46. What did the elephant say to his girlfriend? “I love you a ton!”

45. Q: What did the light bulb say to the other light bulb on Valentine’s Day? A: I love you a watt.

44. Where do all the hamburgers take their girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? A. To a meatball.

43. How did the phone propose to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? A. He gave her a ring.

42. Q: What did Pilgrims give each other on Valentine’s Day? A: Mayflowers

41. Q: What did the toast say to the butter on Valentine’s Day? A: You’re my butter half!

40. Q: What is a vampire’s sweetheart called? A: His ghoul-friend.

#39 – 30. Valentine Jokes

39. Q: What did one mushroom say to the other on Valentine’s Day? A: “There’s so mushroom in my heart for you!”

38. What did the paper clip say to the magnet? “I find you very attractive.”

37. Why did the stupid boy put clothes on the valentines he was sending? Because they needed to be ad-dressed!

36. Q: What did the calculator say to the pencil on Valentine’s Day? A: You can always count on me.

35. Q: What did the rabbit say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? A: Somebunny loves you!

34. Q: What did cavemen give their wives on Valentine’s Day? A: Lots of ughs and kisses.

33. What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine’s Day? A hug and a quiche!

32. Q: What was the French cat’s favorite Valentine’s Day dessert? A: Chocolate mousse

31. What did one pickle say to the other? “You mean a great dill to me.”

30. Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy? It was Valenswine’s Day!

#29 – 20. Valentine Jokes

29. Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable? A. Because it’s all heart.

28. Q: What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine’s Day? A: You’re not so baaaa-d!

27. Q: What food is crazy about Valentine’s Day chocolates? A: A cocoa-nut.

26. Q: What do you call a very small valentine? A: A valen-tiny!

25. What do single people call Valentine’s Day? Happy Independance Day

24. Q: What happens when you fall in love with a French chef? A: You get buttered up.

23. I’m gonna spend Valentines day with my ex…… box 360

22. Knock Knock Who’s there? Frank Frank who? Frank you for being my friend!

21. Q: What did the boy bee say to the girl bee on Valentine’s Day? A: You are bee-utiful!

20. What did one flame say to the other on Valentine’s Day? “We’re a perfect match.”

#19 – 10. Valentine Jokes

19. What did the painter say to her boyfriend? “I love you with all my art!”

18. Did you hear about the romance in the tropical fish tank? It was a case of guppy love.

17. Q: What did the drum say to the other drum on Valentine’s Day? A: My heart beats for you.

16. Q: What Valentine’s Day candy is only for girls? A: HER-SHE’s Kisses.

15. What is the true purpose of Valentine’s Day? To remind single people they are single.

14. Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend? She didn’t suit his taste!

13. What did the pencil say to the paper? “I dot my i’s on you!”

12. Q: What did one muffin say to the other on Valentine’s Day? A: You’re my stud-muffin!

11. Why is Valentine’s Day the best day for a celebration? Because you can really party hearty!

10. What is the difference between a calendar and you? A calendar has a date on Valentine’s day.

#9 – 1. Valentine Jokes

9. What Valentine’s Day candy is best to give a girl? A. Her-She Kisses.

8. Q: Why didn’t the skeleton want to send any Valentine’s Day cards? A: His heart wasn’t in it.

7. What’s the best part about Valentines Day? The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.

6. Q: What did one snake say to the other snake? A: Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey.

5. What’s the perfect thing to say to a coffee-lover on Valentine’s Day? “Words cannot espresso what you mean to me.”

4. What did the bat say to his girlfriend? “You’re fun to hang around with.”

3. Me: “I love you.” You: “Is that you or the wine talking?” Me: “It’s me talking to the wine.”

2. Q: What is a ram’s favourite song on February 14th? A: I only have eyes for ewe, dear

1. What did the boy candy say to the girl candy? “It’s Valentine’s Day and we’re mint for each other.”

Ideas for the top 88 Valentine jokes were taken from the following sources.^[1]Readers’ Digest – Valentine’s Day Jokes^[2]Jokes 4 Us – Valentine’s Day Jokes^[3]Fun Kids Jokes – Valentine’s Day Jokes^[4]Boys’ Life – 20 Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes and Comics^[5]Guy Sports – Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes