Top 61 America Jokes

Les Listes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

The United States is the strongest nation in the world right now. This gives us a lot of opportunities to make fun of it. With that in mind, check out the top 61 America jokes.

#61 – 60. America Jokes

61. Trust America to name a State after a bucket of fried chicken.

60. Only in America……do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

#59 – 50. America Jokes

59. America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.

58. You got Hillary running for senate. Yeah, that’s what America needs — another white male senator.

57. Not saying I have a dark sense of humour, but if it went to America it would be shot for resisting arrest.

56. What do sex in a canoe and American beer have in common? They’re both fucking close to water.

55. Only in America……do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

54. Q: What’s the difference between America and yogurt?  A: If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years, it develops a culture.

53. What’s the difference between the USA and a USB? One connects to all of your devices and accesses the data and the other is a computer hardware standard.

52. What is big, annoying, and full of blubber? 90% of America’s population

51. What did Tennessee? Same thing Arkansas.

50. Only in America……do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

#49 – 40. America Jokes

49. Why did Bob fall off the swing while playing? Because he had no arms. Knock Knock who’s there not bob

48. What’s the difference between the US and yogurt? If you leave yogurt alone for 300 years, it develops a culture.

47. Q: What’s the most dangerous job in America? A: The graveyard shift at a KFC in the projects.

46. yo mama’s so stupid she got locked in Matress World and slept on the floor.

45. If Canadians speak “English Eh?”, do Americans speak “English B”?

44. USA’s been so good at the Olympics, it’s trumped the rest!

43. Welcome to America- Where being obese is genetics but being gay is a choice.

42. Only in America: We work hard on a farm so we can move into town, where we can make more money… so we can move back to the farm.

41. They should make a border between America and Donald Trump

40. Why is america collecting so much coal? they are putting BARACK OBAMA on Mount Rushmore, But That Will NEVER Happen

#39 – 30. America Jokes

39. What’s the difference between America and a bottle of milk? – In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.

38. I had to go see my doctor today because I’m having an unusual problem. I say to him, “I’ve got a problem, every time I finish masturbating I sing the American national anthem”. The doctor said, “Don’t worry, a lot of wankers sing that”.

37. If you think things are bad in America now……..just wait till Trump watches The Purge.

36. Fortnite is like America… At one time it was good and free. Now it’s neither.

35. My friend calls me up and asks “Hey are you free tonight?” And I say of course, I’m American.

34. Before America can declare war, congress has to ask Chuck Norris.

33. After a number of meetings and discussions, a blonde 18-year-old was dismissed from FFA, the Future Farmers of America group. She couldn’t keep her calves together.

32. Only in America……do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

31. Whats Black and don’t work? (49% of the USA)

30. My grandparents once told me…”Son be grateful for what you have, because there are fat people starving in America.”

#29 – 20. America Jokes

29. Knock knock? Who’s there? 9/11. 9/11 who? You said you would never forget… 🙁

28. What was Osama Bin Laden’s favorite drink? A Double Manhattan.

27. Only in America……are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

26. If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? – America.

25. What do you call a worker in America that will work hard for reasonable pay and never whine? An immigrant.

24. Q: How do you find how many fat people are in America? A: Throw a cookie into the street.

23. What is the biggest city in America? Obesity.

22. School and Boot Camp are a lot alike, the only difference is that in school you don’t have to get deployed to get shot at

21. 9 out of 10 Americans are stupid… I’m so glad I’m in the 1%.

20. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

#19 – 10. America Jokes

19. Necrophilia in Alabama is fun for the whole family even grandma.

18. Only in America……do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.

17. Only in America……do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

16. The Russians thought that America was starting a nuclear war when Chuck Norris farted!

15. Only in America……do we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well: ‘Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’.

14. I love magicians. Who’s that guy in America who made those landmarks disappear? Oh right, yeah, Bin Laden.

13. Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese. – He wants to make America grate again.

12. If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language? An American.

11. How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon? 4.

10. When Columbus discovered America, Chuck Norris has already worked there as Texas ranger.

#9 – 1. America Jokes

9. Why wasn’t Jesus born in the USA? Because God couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.

8. what happened when the american broke his arm? he went broke.

7. Q: If George Washington was alive today, what would he do? A: Scratch mercilessly at the coffin walls, while screaming at the top of his lungs!

6. Black Friday: Because only in America, people trample over others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.

5. why do Germans love Americans? because Americans are the most hated people in the world now.

4. Only in America……do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

3. “You’re da bomb!” “No, you’re da bomb!” In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

2. What does Matthew McConaughey say at the Republican convention…We’re gonna take back what is ours, alt right, alt right, alt right, hee heeeee…

1.Only in America……can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Ideas for the top 61 America jokes come from the following sources.^[1]SuperJokes.net – JOKES ABOUT AMERICA USA^[2]Thought Catalog – 10 Great Jokes About Americans^[3]Worst Jokes Ever – America Joke