Top 53 Australia Jokes

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Australia is a big country. At the same time it is quite isolated. This leads to many funny and interesting quirks about the country. With that in mind, check out the top 53 Australia jokes.

#53 – 50. Australia Jokes

53. Q: What is the Australian animal that most resembles the Australian male? A: The wombat, because he eats, roots, and leaves.

52. You know you’re a hipster bogan when your coffee machine costs more than your washing machine.

51. What is the difference between an Australian wedding and an Australian funeral? One less drunk at the funeral

50. How do you apologize to a koala? BEAR your heart and soul.

#49 – 40. Australia Jokes

49. Q. Why do kangaroos hate rainy days? A. Because their children play inside.

48. What do Australians put in their pockets that Americans throw away? Snot.

47. Two politicians go out to lunch together. In the middle of lunch one of them jumps up and says, “Bugger. I forgot to lock the office safe before we left.” The other politician replies “No worries. We’re both here.”

46. Your taxi driver was a surgeon before arriving in Australia.

45. Q: Why did the wombat cross the road? A: To see its flat mate

44. If someone wants to visit a good spot within 2 hours of Melbourne, tell them to go to St Kilda via Punt Road.

43. How many Aussies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three. One to hold the bulb and two to turn the ladder.

42. Q: What’s the difference between Cinderella and the Melbourne football team? A: Cinderella wanted to get to the ball.

41. Why do so many Australian men suffer premature ejaculation? Because they have to rush back to the pub to tell their mates what happened!

40. What did the Australian do after raking the leaves? He fell out of the tree

#39 – 30. Australia Jokes

39. Why are murders in Tasmania so hard to solve? Because there are no dental records and all the DNA matches.

38. Why is Australia such a dry country? We don’t have a king or queen to reign on it.

37. Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.

36. Q: Why did the manager hire the marsupial? A: Because he was koala-fied.

35. Why do Australian football players do so well in math? They know how to use their heads.

34. What do you call an Aussie with 100 girlfriends? A farmer.

33. Why did the wombat cross the road? To see its flat mate

32. Why wasn’t Jesus born in Australia? He couldn’t find 3 wise men or a virgin.

31. Q: Why do so many Australian men suffer premature ejaculation? A: Because they have to rush back to the pub to tell their mates what happened!

30. Want to hear a joke about the construction industry in Australia? Too bad, they’re still working on it.

#29 – 20. Australia Jokes

29. Q: What kind of music do kangaroos listen to? A: Hip Hop

28. Two Aussies are drinking together. One says, “When I die, will you promise to pour a beer on my grave?” The other replies, “No worries mate, but I’ll have to pass it through my kidneys first.”

27. Australians don’t have sex, Australians mate.

26. Q: What is the difference between an Australian wedding and an Australian funeral? A: One less drunk at the funeral.

25. Why do kangaroos hate rainy days? Because their children play inside.

24. What is the Australian animal that most resembles the Australian male? The wombat, because he eats, roots, and leaves.

23. Q: What did the Australian do after raking the leaves? A: He fell out of the tree

22. What do you call an Aussie in the finals of the World Cup? A referee.

21. What do you call a farting Aussie? Ned Smelly.

20. Q: What does an Australian politican have in common with an Aussie pornstar’s mouth? A: They’re both full of crap!

#19 – 10. Australia Jokes

19. Q: How many Australian men does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. It’s a woman’s job.

18. How does a kangaroo pick his favorite rugby team? He jumps on the bandwagon.

17. What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo? A pouch potato!

16. An Aussie said, “Take away your snow capped mountains, culture, and good food, and what would New Zealand be?” The kiwi answered, “Australia”.

15. What does an Australian politican have in common with an Aussie pornstar’s mouth? They’re both full of shit.

14. A Kiwi, an Englishman, and an Australian walk into a bar. The barman says, “Is this some kind of bloody joke?”

13. Q: How does every Aussie joke start? A: By looking over your shoulder.

12. Why isn’t the Australian national football team allowed to own a dog? Because they can’t hold on to a lead.

11. How many Australian men does it take to change a light bulb? None. It’s a woman’s job.

10. What kind of music do kangaroos listen to? Hip Hop

#9 – 1. Australia Jokes

9. What do you call a talking kangaroo? A quantum leap.

8. Q: What do Australians put in their pockets that Americans throw away? A: Snot.

7. How does every Aussie joke start? By looking over your shoulder.

6. If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what to you call someone who speaks one language? Aussie.

5. Q: Why wasn’t Jesus born in Australia? A: He couldn’t find 3 wise men or a virgin.

4. You know you’re in Australia when you’re surprised the train arrives on time.

3. Q: What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo? A: A pouch potato!

2. Why did Tasmanians evolve to grow two heads? So they can have an intelligent conversation when they visit the mainland.

1.When is a bear not a bear? If he doesn’t have the right koalifications.

Ideas for the top 53 Australia jokes come from the following sources.^[1]Jokes 4 Us – Australia Joke^[2]Yellow Octopus – 39 BEST UNTOLD AUSTRALIAN JOKES^[3]Quick Funny Jokes – Australian, Aussie Jokes