Top 63 Father’s Day Jokes

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Father’s Day is when we honor the men who raise us. With that in mind, check out the top 63 Father’s Day Jokes.

#63 – 60. Father’s Day Jokes

63. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? A: Nacho cheese!

62. Q: What did the daddy tomato say to the baby tomato? A: catch up!

61. I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

60. Dad: I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro, it’s a total rip-off.

#59 – 50. Father’s Day Jokes

59. Son: Dad, I’m hungry. Dad: Hello, Hungry, I’m Dad. Son: Dad, I’m serious. Dad: I thought you were Hungry?

58. Father: Let me see your report card. Son: I don’t have it. Father: Why not? Son: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.

57. Q: What did daddy spider say to baby spider? A: You spend too much time on the web.

56. My son wants 50% of my Father’s Day gifts. He says if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t even be a father.

55. Q: How do fathers exercise on the beach? A: By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

54. Son: For $20, I’ll be good. Dad: Oh, yeah?  When I was your age, I was good for nothing.

53. Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award? A: Because he was outstanding in his field!

52. Q: Why did the baby strawberry cry? A: Because his dad was in a jam!

51. Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached? Science student: When my father sees my report card!

50. Q: What’s the opposite of irony? A: Wrinkly.

#49 – 40. Father’s Day Jokes

49. Jacob: I have a lot of my dad’s genes. Dave: Really? I bet they don’t fit.

48. A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

47. Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

46. Q: What did one ocean say to the shore? A: Nothing. It just waved.

45. Q: What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? A: Aye Matey!

44. Man: How it is possible? Child: He became a father only when i was born. Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached? Student: When my father sees my report card!

43. Happy Father’s Day to a dad that was smart enough to teach his kid to mow the lawn so he wouldn’t have to.

42. Dad Wisdom: I know what I’m getting for Father’s Day. Last night my daughter asked me what size aftershave I wear.

41. Son: Hey, Dad, whats this movie about? Dad: It’s about two hours.

40. Pee Wee: How is the baby bird like its dad? Westy: How? Pee Wee: It’s a chirp off the old block.

#39 – 30. Father’s Day Jokes

39. Dad: Let me see your report card. Son: I don’t have it. Dad: Why not? Son: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.

38. My dad used to carry around a frayed knot in his pocket just an old tied up piece of rope. Then any time someone asked him something and the answer was, “no”, he would just pull out the frayed knot and say, “‘fraid not!” and he would burst out laughing. Nobody else thought it was funny.

37. What is fathers day? The day in June when a father remembers he hasn’t yet paid the bills for Mother’s Day.

36. Man: How old is your father? Child: As old as me.

35. “While having their evening dinner together, a little girl looked up at her father and asked, “Daddy, you’re the boss in our family, right?” The father was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, “Yes, my little princess.” The girl then continued, “That’s because mommy put you in charge, right?”

34. Q: Why are Fathers like parking spaces? A: The good ones are already taken!

33. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, I think I’ve lost an electron. The other says, Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, I’m positive.

32. Mom: Why are you home so early? Dad: My boss told me to go to hell.

31. Dad Wisdom: I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

30. Dad Wisdom: Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

#29 – 20. Father’s Day Jokes

29. I asked my dad for his best dad joke and he said, “You.”

28. Q: How do you scare a divorced dad? A: Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice!

27. Q: What do toys and boobs have in common? A: Both are made for children but it’s the fathers who play with them most.

26. Q: Did you get a haircut? A: No, I got them all cut.

25. I asked my dad to help me with a math problem. He said: “Don’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: “No, it’s a math problem.”

24. Q: Why don’t some fathers have a mid-life crisis? A: They’re stuck in adolescence.

23. Q: What is the definition of Mass Confusion? A: Fathers Day in the ghetto.

22. Q: What do you call the father you walk all over? A: Stepdad.

21. Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches A: A nervous wreck

20. Q: What did baby corn say to mama corn? A: Where’s popcorn?

#19 – 10. Father’s Day Jokes

19. Q: How do you take you coffee? A: Seriously, very seriously.

18. Dad: How old is your father? Child: As old as me. Dad: How it is that possible? Child: He became a father only when I was born.

17. Son: Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

16. Dad Wisdom: I had a dream about a muffler last night … I woke up exhausted!

15. There’s a big difference between bad jokes and dad jokes. And that difference is the first letter.

14. Dad Wisdom: I gave all my dead batteries away today… free of charge.

13. Q: How do you know your dad is planning for the future? A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

12. Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A: A stick.

11. Q: What do you call your dad when he falls through the ice? A: a POPsicle!

10. Dad: Hi, Sweetie, how was school today? Daughter: You can read all about it on my Facebook, Dad!

#9 – 1. Father’s Day Jokes

9. Dad: What is the lunchmeat that tastes like hot dogs? Son: Bologna? Dad: This isn’t bologna, son, but a serious question.

8. Dad Wisdom: Our wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.

7. Teacher (on phone): You say Michael has a cold and can’t come to school today? To whom am I speaking? Voice: This is my father.

6. Dad: You’ll never amount to anything because you procrastinate. Son: Oh yeah? Just you wait!

5. You can tell it’s almost Father’s Day. The kids suddenly want to stop at all the garage sales.

4. Son: I’ll call you later. Dad: Don’t call me Later, call me Dad.

3. Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: I don’t think they’ll fit me.

2. Being a great father is like shaving. No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow.

1. Son: For $20, I’ll be good. Dad: Oh, yeah? When I was your age, I was good for nothing.

Ideas for the top 63 Father’s Day Jokes come from the following sources.^[1]Jokes 4 Us – Father’s Day Joke^[2]Boy’s Life – 20 Funny Jokes for Father’s Day^[3]berries – 50 Father’s Day Joke to Make Him Smile