Top 66 Chess Jokes

Les Listes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Chess is a thinking man’s game. However, that doesn’t mean it has to be no fun. With that in mind, check out the top 66 chess jokes.

#66 – 60. Chess Jokes

66. If you forget the rules of Chess don’t worry… you’re allowed to check

65. I had dinner once with a Chess Grand Master in a restaurant with checked tablecloths…It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

64. Why is the white bishop piece in chess the fastest? Because it’s on F1.

63. Q: Why do chess masters always get a match on Tinder? A: Because they’re mating experts.

62. When someone has two queens in chess…You know there’s been cheating.

61. Q: Why do grandmasters use Tinder in Prague? A: Because they want to find a Czech mate.

60. Why did the chess grandmaster go to Prague? To see his Czech mate

#59 – 50. Chess Jokes

59. “Is chess better than sex?” It depends on the position.

58. Today I was playing chess and blundered a major piece…Rookie mistake

57. Two beginners: “I improved my English, Spanish, French, Russian and Italian.” “Then you must be a genius!” “Why?” “You can speak so many languages…” “I am talking about chess openings and not languages.”

56. I just had lunch with a champion chess player…Took her 8 minutes to pass the salt.

55. Why do dyslexic chess players have such fresh breath? Because they’re so good at finding Tic Tacs.

54. Why do you never see chess jokes? No one likes them, they always have a bad pawn

53. My computer beat me at chess. But I beat it at kick boxing.

52. For Me, Chess is a Lot Like Tinder…I know a few openings, but continually struggle to put myself into mating positions

51. Chess was invented in Australia…Why else would they say Checkmate?

50. Q: What does Arnold Schwarzenegger say at the start of a chess game? A: I’ll be Black.

#49 – 40. Chess Jokes

49. I got arrested for playing chess in the street. I said: “it’s because I’m black isn’t it?”

48. Why do Islamic people don’t play chess? Because the woman can move freely

47. It would be confusing to be a chess player in Australia when you have some money to deposit. Check, mate

46. Saudi Arabia banned chess, calling it a dangerous game The Queen doesn’t wear a burkha. The Queen roams freely wherever she wants to, the Queen is more powerful than the King, the Queen goes alone to opponent’s territory. Most importantly, there’s only one Queen.

45. Why can’t people in the U.S. play chess? Because their king is actually a pawn.

44. Q: Where do chess players like to go to look for a bargain? A: The pawnshop.

43. How do Australian chess players send their food back? “It’s stale, mate.”

42. In a park people come across a man playing chess against a dog. They are astonished and say: “What a clever dog!” But the man protests: “No, no, he isn’t that clever. I’m leading three games to one!”

41.  “My wife said, she will leave me, when I take part in this chess tournament next week.” “So what will you do?” “1.e4, like always!”

40. I need to get a new chess set because all my pawns are damaged and sticky. I should have never left them in the same box as the bishops.

#39 – 30. Chess Jokes

39. Why was Michael Jackson bad at chess? He couldn’t decide if he was black or white.

38. A chess player said to his friend: “My dog can play chess!” “How strong? What’s his rating?”

37. Chess is blasphemous…Bishops are not allowed to move in a cardinal direction.

36. Where do you get more chess pieces? at the pawn shop!

35. When Kasparov beat Carlsen I cheered so loud I nearly lost my voice. Now I’m a hoarse chess nut.

34. What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

33. Chess is a very progressive game…Because if the soldier gets to the enemy’s territory, his reward is getting to marry the king.

32. A chess player joined the Mormon Church. One day he wanted to take part in a chess tournament held on a Sunday. “The heavenly father does not allow this… to play games on Sundays.”, one of the church members said to him. The chess player left the Mormon Church the following days and never returned.

31. I have a European friend who I play chess with or as I like to call him, my Czech mate

30. Q – Which group of women are the best chess players? A – Feminists. Their opponents begin with King and Queen, but ‘they’ always start with 2 Queens.

#29 – 20. Chess Jokes

29. Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion yesterday in less than 5 moves. Finally my high school karate classes came in useful.

28. Two Psychics are playing a game of chess…They look at the board and then firmly shake their hands and nod and say “Good Game!” and leave.

27. Today, I managed to beat the chess world champion. Turns out, his moves were useless against a bat.

26. Q: Where do chess players go to chill? A: To a pawn island

25. Two chess players are immersed in a game of chess: Suddenly one of them makes a move and shouts: “Check!” The other: “Shut up, Idiot!”

24. Chess is banned under Islam…They hate that the queen moves freely.

23. I was playing chess with my friend and he said “Let’s make this interesting” So we stopped playing

22. I prayed to god to have the best chess skills in the world…Checkmate atheists

21. Have you heard of the chess board challenge? Its where you segregate the whites and the blacks and make the whites start a war

20. A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ‘But why?’ they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer”

#19 – 10. Chess Jokes

19. Why is it so hard for an American to win a game of chess? They already lost both of their towers

18. Why did the chess player get tense in a diner? Because the waiter said “Check”.

17. Two chess players walked to the railway station but were intensely discussing the spanish chess opening. After some time they realized that they were walking in the wrong direction. One of them said: “Shit, I didn’t memorize the right way to the railway station.”

16. I taught my dog to play chess. But he’s pretty dumb. I manage to beat him two out of three times.

15. How come the English never lose at chess? Because >!the queen never dies!<

14. What do you do when you’re weirdly attracted to a chess player, but can’t make out whether they’re a guy or a girl? Check and mate

13. Two chess players wanted to go to a chess tournament together by car. After some time the driver had to check his street map: “What do you think? Is it better if we take the main variation or the side variation?”

12. “So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov – Problem was, we had a checkered tablecloth and it took him two hours to pass the salt!”

11. Did you hear about the fairy godmother that needed extra minutes to decide her first move in a chess game? Wants pawn time.

10. New York can’t play chess. They’re missing two towers

#9 – 1. Chess Jokes

9. I’ve recently started to learn about the history of chess boards. Seems they have quite the checkered past.

8. Why can’t a British person ever lose a chess game? Their Queen never dies.

7. I defeated a chess grand master in three moves. I stood up; picked up a chair and hit him with it.

6. I like to play chess with old men in the park although it’s hard to find 32 of them

5. Q: Why are artists so bad at chess? A: Because they like to draw.

4. A car accident: First driver leaves his car shouting: “It is your fault, you took the wrong way.” “There is only one right way! Ne4!”

3. Q: Why are Brits good at chess? A: Because their queen never dies.

2. Anti-vaxxers are like teaching a pigeon to play chess…They don’t know jack about it, they don’t wanna hear you explain it, and in the end they knock down the pieces and strut around like they won the game.

1. My girlfriend told me if I use any more chess terminology, she’ll break up with me “Check,” I said. She moved out the next day. “Checkmate,” I said.

Ideas for the top 66 Chess Jokes come from the following sources.^[1]chess.com – Hilarious Chess Joke You Should Read Right Now‎^[2]upjoke – chess joke^[3]the chess world – 13 Chess Joke You Should Read