Top 68 Santa Claus Jokes

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You better be nice this year because Santa Claus is watching. However, did you know that he also loves jokes! With that in mind, check out the top 68 Santa Claus jokes.

#68 – 60. Santa Claus Jokes

68. Who delivers Christmas presents to elephants? Elephanta Claus!

67. Q: Why is Santa so jolly? A: Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

66. Why does Santa’s sleigh get such good mileage? Because it has long-distance runners on each side!

65. Who delivers Christmas presents to pets? Why, Santa Paws of course!

64. What did Santa get when he crossed a woodpecker with kleenex? Rapping paper!

63. Who delivers presents to dentist offices? Santa Jaws!

62. What does Santa like to have for breakfast? Mistle-“toast”!

61. What goes oh, oh, oh? Santa Claus walking backwards!

60. Santa Claus was never laughing, he was just calling out your momma’s name.

#59 – 50. Santa Claus Jokes

59. What smells most in a chimney? Santa’s nose!

58. I would like to be Santa Claus. He knows where all the naughty girls live.

57. Q: Why did Santa send his daughter to college? A:  To keep her off the North Pole.

56. Q: Why does Santa Claus like to go down the chimney? A: Because it soots him!

55. Q:Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? A:He only comes once a year.

54. What do you call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

53. What do you do if Santa Claus gets stuck in your chimney? Pour Santa flush on him!

52. Q: What do you call Santa if he also lives in the South Pole? A: Bi-Polar.

51. What would you call Father Christmas if he became a detective? Santa Clues!

50. Q: What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A: A rebel without a Claus.

#49 – 40. Santa Claus Jokes

49. Where does Santa stay when he’s on holidays? At a Ho-ho-tel!

48. You might be a redneck if, Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.

47. Why does St. Nicholas have a white beard? So he can hide at the North Pole!

46. Why does Santa owe everything to the elves? Because he is an elf-made man!

45. How many chimneys does Saint Nick go down? Stacks!

44. Where does Santa stay when he’s on holidays? At a Ho-ho-tel.

43. What kind of motorcycle does Santy ride? A “Holly” Davidson!

42. Four-year-old to her two-year-old sister: “Let’s play Christmas. I’ll be Santa Claus and you can be a present and I’ll give you away.”

41. What does Santa use when he goes fishing? His north pole!

40. What do you call a kitty on the beach on Christmas morning? Sandy Claws!

#39 – 30. Santa Claus Jokes

39. What do you call Santa when he has no money? Saint “Nickel”-less!

38. When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!

37. What do the elves call it when Père Noël claps his hands at the end of a play? Santapplause!

36. What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly? Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.

35. How is Santa Claus like a smart blonde? They both don’t exist

34. Teacher: Little Johnny, do you believe in the Devil? Johnny: No, teacher, it’s just like Santa Claus. I know he’s really my dad

33. Why does Santa take presents to children around the world? Because the presents won’t take themselves!

32. How does Père Noël take pictures? With his North “Pole”-aroid!

31. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic

30. Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest senator and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a $100 dollar bill. Who gets it? A: The old drunk, of course — the other three don’t exist.

#29 – 20. Santa Claus Jokes

29. The 3 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus.

28. What does Kris Kringle like to get when he goes to the donut shop? A jolly roll!

27. What do you get if Santa comes down the chimney while the fire is still burning? Crisp Kringle!

26. Yo’ Mama is so poor, she told your little sister that Santa Claus was dead.

25. What does Santa put on his toast? “Jingle Jam”

24. What’s red & white and red & white and red & white? Santa rolling down a hill!

23. What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh! Ho, Ho, Swoosh? Santa caught in a revolving door!

22. What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus when he looked out the window? Looks like “rain”, “Dear”!

21. What is invisible but smells like milk and cookies? Kris Kringle burps!

20. An honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa Claus were walking down the street and saw a $20 bill.  Which one picked it up?? Santa!  The other two don’t exist!

#19 – 10. Santa Claus Jokes

19. What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish!

18. Why does Santa like to work in his garden? Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!

17. Q: Why is Christmas just like your job? A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets the credit.

16. What is twenty feet tall, has sharp teeth and goes Ho Ho Ho? Tyranno-santa Rex!

15. What’s red and white and falls down the chimney? Santa Klutz!

14. What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a duck? A Christmas Quacker!

13. What’s red and green and flies? An airsick Santa Claus!

12. Q: What do you call a broke Santa? A: Saint Nickel-less

11. What does Santa say to the toys on Christmas Eve? Okay everyone, sack time!

10. What’s red & white and red & white and red & white? Santa rolling down a hill!

#9 – 1. Santa Claus Jokes

9. What do you call Saint Nick after he has come down the chimney? Cinder Claus!

8. What do you call someone who doesn’t believe in Father Christmas? A rebel without a Claus!

7. The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn’t real. It’s when he learns Chuck Norris is.

6. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing, it was on the house.

5. Q: What did Santa sing when he went down the chimney? A: “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…”

4. What does Mrs. Claus sing to Santy on his birthday? “Freeze a jolly good fellow!”

3. How do we know Santa is such a good race car driver? Because he’s always in the pole position!

2. Where does Father Christmas go to vote? The North Poll!

1.What does Santa get if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claustrophobic!

Ideas for the top 68 Santa Claus jokes come from the following sources.^[1]Super Jokes – Santa Claus Joke^[2]email Santa – Snicker at silly Santa Jokes!^[3]santa claus – Santa’s Top 20 Christmas Jokes of 2018^[4]distractify – 29 Seriously Funny Adult Christmas Jokes Because Santa Isn’t Just for Kids