Top 69 Fear Jokes

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For many people fear is something that completely takes over their life. However, you don’t have to be one of them. With that in mind, check out the top 69 fear jokes that are sure to help you overcome your fear.

#69 – 60. Fear Jokes

69. There are only five types of fear. 1.Terror 2.Panic 3.14 missed calls from Mom 4.Username or password is incorrect 5.”We need to talk.”

68. Why do Germans fear getting cheese in their hotdogs? Because for them it’s considered to be a Wurst-Käse scenario.

67. What do you call an extreme and irrational fear of transformers? Transphobia.

66. I had a fear of speed bumps. I slowly got over it

65. Some people don’t realize the original “Mad World” is by Tears for Fears I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad

64. I have this wierd irrational fear of two letter words. I get extremely scared just thinking about it.

63. What did the tied up lobster fear more than boiling water? Claw-Strophobia

62. I finally understand why parents don’t want their kids to get vaccinated. It all comes down to fear. Fear that their child is going to definitely end up smarter than them.

61. I have a deep-seated fear of running water. Or any liquid with legs really.

60. I went to the doctor to see why I had such a big fear of snakes…He said I have a reptile dysfunction.

#59 – 50. Fear Jokes

59. Flat-earthers have only one fear. Getting buried too deep.

58. Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight … not because he’s afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

57. The sun sets from fear of Chuck Norris.

56. I was recently diagnosed with a fear of all things Italian…My psychiatrist named it “atsalottaphobia.”

55. I fear my last words will be ‘‘hold my beer and watch this.’’

54. I‘m developing a phobia of german sausage I fear the wurst

53. A flat-earther’s greatest fear is…Sphere itself.

52. Me: I’m here for medication to help with my fear of the spice girls Doctor: we have 3 types so tell me

51. What’s the most feared animal in the Romanian Savannah? Vlad the Impala

50. I used to have a fear of vaulting…But then I got over it. (Vaulting as in gymnastics)

#49 – 40. Fear Jokes

49. Have you heard about the man with an irrational fear of empty spaces? Nothing scares him

48. Why do Artificially Intelligent systems fear popcorn? Kernel panic.

47. What do infantile criminals fear the most? The Hanging Gardens of Babylon.

46. When Andrew Waugh was surveying Mt Everest in 1856 he came up with a height of exactly 29,000 ft. Fearing people would think that was just an imprecise estimation he reported it as 29,002 ft. Because of this, some say he was the first to place two feet on the summit of Everest.

45. What is the most fearful disease for a fruit? Lemon-AIDs

44. A friend has a fear of pi. I keep telling him it’s irrational, but he doesn’t listen.

43. When my cousin was just a few months old, we discovered that he had an irrational fear of hair. He just absolutely hated it. After a few years though, it started to grow on him.

42. I’ve always had an irrational fear of speed bumps…But don’t worry, I’m slowly getting over it…

41. What do you call a phobia of a clown wielding a chainsaw running straight at you? Common sense

40. I have an extremely rare phobia of Michael Jackson joining the group that sang “Stayin’ Alive.” It gives me the Hee-Hee Bee Gees.

#39 – 30. Fear Jokes

39. Franklin D. Roosevelt once said “There is nothing to fear but fear itself … and Chuck Norris”

38. A flat earther was asked to describe fear…They said there was nothing to fear but sphere itself.

37. “Never fear failure, always embrace it.” My mom said as she released me from her hug.

36. I asked my dad why did he become a pilot. He said, “to conquer my greatest fear.” “The fear of flying?”, I asked. “No,” said dad. “The fear of dying alone.”

35. What’s a pirates worst fear on a blind date? A sunken chest and no booty.

34. Women who don’t ask men out for fear of rejection…should take inspiration from Theresa May.

33. The only thing round earthers have to fear…is nuclear war. That’ll flatten things pretty quickly.

32. FDR: The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. Truman: I’m gonna have to stop ya right there.

31. Authorities fear that the collapsed bridge in Genoa was made with ‘Mafia’ concrete…they’ve found 6 more bodies than there were people missing.

30. I’m a germaphobe and my doctor said to face my fear So I did it, I booked my flight to Germany.

#29 – 20. Fear Jokes

29. I live my life in constant fear…That one day the real “World’s Greatest Dad” will come back to claim his rightful mug.

28. If you accidentally knock up an anti-vaxxer, fear not! You’ll probably only have to pay a few years of child support.

27. This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I’m afraid to pee

26. I went to the doctor fearing I might be losing my hearing. Good news! The doctor didn’t have anything bad to say. He didn’t have anything good to say either. Come to think of it, he didn’t have anything to say at all.

25. My father nearly died choking on a sausage in Germany From that moment on, we feared the wurst.

24. I’ve been diagnosed with a fear of giants. It’s called Feefiphobia

23. Reddit no longer has to fear the Catholic Church! Now that it has turned 14 the priests are no longer interested.

22. My friend keeps asking me why I have such a fear of ‘No Entry’ signs I say “Don’t go there”

21. What is a vegans worst fear? Laryngitis.

20. So you know the fear of spiders is arachnophobia? What’s the fear of chainsaws? Common sense.

#19 – 10. Fear Jokes

19. What’s the suicide bomber’s worst fear? Dying alone.

18. I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my Latina mother-in-law who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. She gets off at 6.

17. What’s a fat ghost’s biggest fear? Being exercised

16. Let me tell you why you shouldn’t fear those rats They don’t got no back bone

15. I’d tell you a joke about the fear of navigational errors But I’m afraid it’d be lost on you.

14. I threw a boomerang six years ago and it never came back. Now I live in constant fear.

13. What is Apple’s greatest fear about China? That they stop their sensor ships.

12. A feudal peasant declares that he no longer wants to be a farmer. He wants to tear down his farm an build a nuclear reactor there instead. Further, he says that he fears no punishment from any peasant, soldier, or king. Another peasant turns to him and asks: “uh, ok, but whattabout cher’ noble?”

11. I have a fear of overly designed buildings. A complex complex complex

10. I have a fear of long distances I go to great lengths to avoid them.

#9 – 1. Fear Jokes

9. I used to have a fear of hurdles But I got over it

8. A hypochondriac’s fear I don’t think I’m a hypochondriac but I worry a lot that I might be.

7. Public speaking is a more popular fear then snakes and you don’t see anyone walking in Australia and shout look out a podium

6. When you’re alone in Germany being approached by a group of old men You have to fear the wurst

5. What do diabetic Redditors fear? Cake Day Karma

4. I have a fear of elevators…but I’m taking steps to avoid it!

3. I’ve developed an irrational fear of escalators. I always find myself taking steps to avoid them.

2. I used to have a major fear of speedbumps…Now I’m slowly getting over it.

1. Mathematician: Doctor, I have a fear of the irrational Doctor: Don’t worry mate, all the things u worry about are just imaginary Mathematician: That makes it even worse!

Ideas for the top 69 fear jokes come from the following sources.^[1]Upjokes – Fear Joke^[2]Upjokes – Phobia Jokes^[3]Jokes4All – Fear Joke^[4]Worst Jokes Ever – Fear Joke