Top 76 Intelligence Jokes

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You may think that you are smart. However, are you smart enough to understand all of these jokes? Check out the top 76 intelligence jokes and find out.

#76 – 70. Intelligence Jokes

76. Are you the square root of -1? Because you can’t be real.

75. Dates a zombie: so someone finally likes me for my brain.

74. Self Control – the only way to survive in a world full of idiots.

73. Told my girlfriend that my mom is deaf, so speak loud and slow. Told my mom that my girlfriend is retarded…

72. You take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success and, really, there’s no real difference between me and George Clooney.

71. What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist.

70. I heard you were good at algebra. Can you replace my X without asking y?

#69 – 60. Intelligence Jokes

69. I’m pretty sure I’m going to die without knowing what 95% of a scientific calculator is used for.

68. Keep talking, someday you’ll say something intelligent!

67. eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.

66. Books are just TV for smart people.

65. Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

64. Why do shepherds never learn to count? Because if they did they would always be falling asleep.

63. Why do I always know where to go when I am canoeing? Because I “canoe” it.

62. Three men are trapped on an island. They find a genie’s lamp and agree they will each get a wish.

61. Seek knowledge from cradle to the grave.

60. This must be the 8th castle because I just found my princess.

#59 – 50. Intelligence Jokes

59. Why do soccer players do so well in math? They know how to use their heads!

58. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

57. That awkward moment when your child looks to you for wisdom and you’re like, “Honey, I don’t even know what day of the week it is.”

56. A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

55. I would love to insult you… but that would be beyond the level of your intelligence.

54. I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, all it was doing was gathering dust.

53. A wise man once said… Nothing, he only listened.

52. Maybe if we start telling people the brain is an app they will start using it.

51. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

50. If you were a triangle youd be acute one.

#49 – 40. Intelligence Jokes

49. The human brain is one of the most complex objects in the universe. Is it any wonder that so many people never learn to use it.

48. A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

47. Artificial Intelligence stands no chance against Natural Stupidity.

46. I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

45. My IQ came back negative.

44. If I wanted to kill myself I’d climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

43. I typed “married” but it was auto-corrected to “martyred”. Damn,smartphone has gained intelligence.

42. My brain is not equipped with facial or name recognition technology.

41. The only reason I’ve been going out with this guy all summer is because I have no idea how to operate my gas grill.

40. Why did the M&M go to school? Because he really wanted to be a Smartie!

#39 – 30. Intelligence Jokes

39. The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google the names they call you when it ends badly.

38. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

37. Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you’re CuTe

36. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

35. Do you have 11 protons? Cause your sodium fine.

34. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.

33. A rolling stone… somebody pushed it.

32. Do you want to know how I get all these insults? I use something called intelligence.

31. If I was smarter, I would know so much more stuff.

30. To kick start my New Year: I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

#29 – 20. Intelligence Jokes

29. Intelligence is like an underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off.

28. I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, all it was doing was gathering dust.

27. Waitress: ‘Do u have any questions about the menu?’ Me: ‘What kind of font is this?’

26. You have a room temperature IQ – if the room is in Antarctica.

25. 80 % of the brain is fluid. Unfortunately, in your case, it’s brake fluid.

24. We just got a fax. At work. We didn’t know we had a fax machine. The entire department just stared at it. I poked it with a stick.

23. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth.

22. Are you made of beryllium, gold, and titanium? You must be because you are BeAuTi-ful.

21. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

20. Shock me, say something intelligent.

#19 – 10. Intelligence Jokes

19. What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette? Artificial intelligence.

18. It’s not often that one gets the opportunity to speak about someone intelligent, respected and admired. Unfortunately tonight I have to talk about (NAME).

17. How do you measure a blonde’s intelligence? Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

16. We just got a fax. At work. We didn’t know we had a fax machine. The entire department just stared at it. I poked it with a stick.

15. A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.

14. You’re sweeter than 3.14

13. Wanna measure the coefficient of static friction between us?

12. My mind’s made up, don’t confuse me with facts.

11. You have the nicest syntax I’ve ever seen.

10. Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

#9 – 1. Intelligence Jokes

9. My brain is not equipped with facial or name recognition technology.

8. The first man wishes he was 25% smarter, then he swims off the island. The second man wishes he was 50% smarter, then he cut down the tree, made a boat, and rowed off the island. The third man wished he was 100% smarter, then he walked across the bridge.

7. Scientists say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons, and Electrons. They forgot to mention Morons.

6. Intelligence is like an underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off.

5. Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.

4. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.

3. You have two parts of brain, ‘left’ and ‘right’. In the left side, there’s nothing right. In the right side, there’s nothing left.

2. A ‘Jim’s Dozen’ is 11, because I take one for myself.

1.Maybe if we start telling people the brain is an app they will start using it.

Ideas for the top 76 intelligence jokes come from the following sources.^[1]SuperJokes – Intelligence Joke^[2]One Line Fun – Intelligence one liners^[3]Jokes 4 All – Intelligence Joke