Top 101 Best Pirate Jokes

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Pirates used to roaming the oceans and cause fear. However, now they are quite funny and there are many great jokes about them. With that in mind, check out the top 101 best pirate jokes.

#101 – 90. Best Pirate Jokes

101. Why did the pirate buy an eye patch?  Because he couldn’t afford an iPad!

100. Q: What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet? A: I, I, R and the seven C’s

99. Q: What did the first mate see down the toilet? A: the captins log

98. Why Don’t Pirates Go To Strip Clubs? They already have all the booty!

97. Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? A: You think it’s the RRRRR, but it’s the C that they’re in love with!

96. How did the pirate find out he needed glasses?  He took an aye exam!

95. What’s a pirates favorite restraunt? arrrrrr-by’s

94. Why Was The Pirate Shivering His Timbers? PARRRkinson’s!

93. How does a pirate get to the airport? A carrrggghhh.

92. Q: Why did the pirate buy an eyepatch? A: Because he didn’t have enough money for an iPad!!!

91. Why wasn’t the pirate allowed into the cinema? Because it was rated arrr.

90. What Are The 10 Letters In The Pirate Alphabet? I, I, R, and the 7 Cs.

#89 – 80. Best Pirate Jokes

89. What do you call a pirate with three eyes?  Piiirate!

88. Q: What is a pirate’s favorite element? A: Aye. Ye might say aarrrrgon, but no, it’s the element of surprise!

87. What Kind Of Grades Did The Pirate Get In School? HIGH SEAS!

86. Pirates get a bad rep. They’re not all bad. Granted, they’re not saints, but many have been cannonized!!

85. How much did the pirate pay for his peg leg and hook? An arm and a leg!

84. Q: How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheaply? A: He bought it on sail.

83. Why Did The Pirate Have Red Eyes? Because he had too much sea-weed!

82. What do you call a pirate that skips class? Captain Hooky!

81. Where Dose Pirates Shop. Arr-Gos!

80. Q: How do pirates prefer to communicate? A: Aye to aye!

#79 – 70. Best Pirate Jokes

79. What Is Captain Hook’s Favorite Store? The second hand store.

78. What’s a pirates favourite type of music?  Rum & Bass!

77. What does a Pirate Santa say…? “Row row row..”

76. What kind of socks do pirates favor? Arrrrrrrgyle!

75. Q: How much did the pirate pay for his piercings? A: A buck-an-ear.

74. Why don’t pirates go to strip clubs?  Because they already have all the booty!

73. What does a pirate steal in his spare time? Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt.

72. Who gets all their movies for free?  Pirates!

71. Q: What do ye call a pirate with two eyes and two legs? A: A rookie

70. What’s a pirates favourite part of a song?  The hook!

#69 – 60. Best Pirate Jokes

69. Why did the pirate go to law school? To pass the baarrr.

68. What is a pirates favourite doll?  BAAAAARRRRBIE!

67. Q: Where can ye find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs? A: Right where ye left him.

66. Q: What does a vegan pirate do in jail? A: Starrrrrve!

65. How good was the pirates golf game? Parrrrrrrrr

64. Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A: A nervous wreck.

63. How do you save a drowning pirate? with C P ARRRRRRRRR

62. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank? Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.

61. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? Ye think it’s the R, but it’s really the C!

60. As a child, I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog.

#59 – 50. Best Pirate Jokes

59. What happens if you take the p out of a pirate?  He becomes irate!

58. Why do pirates bury their treasure 18 inches under the ground?  Because booty is only shin deep!

57. Why do Pirates cry on their own? Because they have private tears.

56. Why Is Pirating Addictive? They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!

55. Q: Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? A: Because he was sitting on the deck!

54. What Do Pirates Use Telephones For? Booty calls!

53. What did the pirate say to the sumo wrestler? You sure arrrrr fat.

52. What did the pirate say on his 89th birthday? Aye matey.

51. How Does A Pirate Clean His House? He has a yAAAAARRRRRd sale!

50. Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? A: Because they can spend years at C.

#49 – 40. Best Pirate Jokes

49. Q: What does a Dyslexic Pirate Say? A: RRRRRRA!

48. Why couldn’t the pirate learn the alphabet? Because he was always lost at C.

47. Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrrrr!

46. What’s The Difference Between a Hungry Pirate And A Drunk Pirate? One’s a rumbling tummy, and the other’s a tumbling rummy!

45. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey (I’m eighty).

44. What’s a pirate favorite country? AAARRRGHentina!

43. Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A: A carrot.

42. Why Do Pirates Always Fail When They’re Saying Their Alphabet? Because they insist there are 7 Seas!

41. How Do Pirates Know They’re Pirates? They think, therefore they AAAARRRRRRR!!!!!

40. What Has 8 Eyes, 8 Arms, & 8 Legs Four rookie pirates!

#39 – 30. Best Pirate Jokes

39. What’s a pirates favourite fish dish?  Pieces of skate!

38. Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr.

37. Q: How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook? A: An arm and a leg.

36. What’s A Pirate’s Favorite Kind Of Fish? A GOLDfish

35. What’s The Next Pirate Internet Sensation? Planking!

34. Q: What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea? A: He got marooned.

33. Q: How do pirates know that they are pirates? A: They think, therefore they ARRRR!!!!!

32. What does a Jewish pirate say? Ahoy vey!

31. Why are pirates so popular? I don’t know, they just arrrrrrr.

30. Q: What’s the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate? A: One has a rumbling tummy, and the other’s a tumbling rummy.

#29 – 20. Best Pirate Jokes

29. How do pirates know they exist?  They think, therefore they ARRRRRRR!!!

28. Q: Why didn’t the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? A: because it was rated arrrrr

27. What is a pirates favorite Star Wars character? AARRRRGGH-2 D-2!

26. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?  Because they can spend years at C!

25. What do you call a stupid pirate?  The pillage idiot!

24. What’s A Horny Pirate’s Worst Nightmare? A sunken chest with no booty!

23. Q: Why did nobody want to play cards with the pirate? A: Because he was standing on the deck.

22. How do pirates like to cook their steaks?  On a BAAAARRRRRBECUE!

21. 3.14% of sailors are Pi Rates.

20. What is a pirates favorite doll? BARRRRRRRRRRBIE!

#19 – 10. Best Pirate Jokes

19. Why did the pirate go on vacation? He needed some AARRRRGGH and AARRRRGGH!

18. Why are pirates movies the coolest? They just ARRRRRRRR!

17. What Did The Pirate Say When His Wooden Leg Got Stuck In The Freezer? Shiver me timbers!

16. Q: How do ye turn a pirate furious? A: Take away the ‘p’.

15. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet? (Arrrr?) No it’s the C (sea), my love.

14. How much is a pirate willing to pay to get his ears pierced? A buck an ear!

13. Q: What has 8 legs, 8 arms and 8 eyes? A: 8 pirates.

12. Q: What do Jewish Pirates say? A: Ahoy vey!

11. Why Did The Pirate Give Up Golf? He kept hooking the ball!

10. Why did the pirate go to college? to become an arrrrrrchitect!

#9 – 1. Best Pirate Jokes

9. What did the first mate see down the toilet?  The Captains log!

8. Why couldn’t the pirates play cards?  Because the captain was standing on the deck!

7. Q: How do pirates pay for a round o’ rum down at the pub? A: With Bar-Nickels!

6. Why Does It Take Pirates So Long To Learn The Alphabet? Because they can spend years at C.

5. Q: Why is pirating so addictive? A: They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!

4. Why are pirates so eco-friendly? They always follow the three arrrrrrrs.

3. Q: What did the ocean say to the pirate? A: Nothing, it just waved.

2. What do you call a pirate who steals from the rich and gives to the poor?  Robin Hook!

1. What Do Pirates And Pimps Have In Common? They both say “YO HO!” and walk with a limp!

Ideas for the top 101 best pirate jokes were taken from the following sources.^[1]Jokes 4 Us – Pirate Jokes^[2]Reader’s Digest – 21 Scurvy Pirate Jokes to Tell on Talk Like a Pirate Day^[3]Ranker – The Best Pirate Joke^[4]Party Rama Blog – The Top 20 Pirate Jokes^[5]The Pirate Empire – 16 Terrible Pirate Jokes^[6]Jokes.lol – Pirate Jokes