Top 101 Funny Horse Jokes

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Do you love horses? Do you love jokes? Then check out the top 101 funny horse jokes that will have you neighing!

#101 – 90. Funny Horse Jokes

101. Q: What do you call a horse wearing Venetian blinds? A: A zebra!

100. What kind of bread does a racehorse eat? Thoroughbred.

99. Why did the man stand behind the horse? He was hoping to get a kick out of it.

98. Q: When does the person living next to you get annoying? A: When he is NEIGH-BORED.

97. A horse walks into a bar. The barman confuses idioms with jokes and offers him a glass of water, but can’t make him drink.

96. Q: What did the horse say when it fell? A: “I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”

95. What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bor!

94. Q: How does a cowboy get a stallion to do odd jobs around the farm? A: Pay him under the stable.

93. Q: What kind of horses go out after dusk? A: Nightmares!

92. Why should you never be rude to a jump jockey? In case he takes offence.

91. Q: What do you call a well balanced horse? A: Stable.

90. Q: What’s invisible and smells like hay? A: Horse farts.

#89 – 80. Funny Horse Jokes

89. Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth? A: A mechanic

88. Q: Why don’t racehorses wear underwear? A: Because it rides up on them!

87. I tried water polo the other day. My horse drowned.

86. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe? Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.

85. What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Neighbours.

84. Where do you take a sick pony? To the horse-pital.

83. Q: Did you know that Mister Ed’s real name was Bamboo Harvester? A: Yeah, I got it straight from the horses mouth.

82. Q: What’s the best way to lead a horse to water? A: With lots of apples and carrots!

81. Q: How do you make a small fortune breeding horses? A: Start with a large fortune.

80. Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.

#79 – 70. Funny Horse Jokes

79. Q: What kind of horse likes to be ridden at night? A: A nightmare!

78. What disease was the horse scared of getting? Hay fever!

77. Q: Did you hear about the horse with the negative altitude? A: She always said Neigh

76. Q: When do vampires watch horse racing? A: When it’s neck and neck.

75. Q: Why do horses like to fart when they buck? A: Because they can’t achieve full horse power without gas.

74 .Have you heard the one about the runaway horse? It’s a terrible tale of WHOA!

73. What’s black and white and eats like a horse? A zebra.

72. Q: What do you call 144 horses in a box? A: Gross!

71. Q: What is black and white and eats like a horse? A: A zebra.

70. Q: What do race horses eat? A: Fast Food.

#69 – 60. Funny Horse Jokes

69. Q: Why did the man stand behind the horse? A: He was hoping to get a kick out of it

68. Where do horses go when they’re sick? The horsepital.

67. Q: How does a winning jockey communicate with his horse? A: He lays his cards on the stable.

66. Q: Which side of the horse has the most hair? A: The outside!

65. I had a bet on a horse yesterday. It came in so late they had to pay the jockey overtime

64. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “Why the long face?”

63. Q: What did the horse say when it fell? A: “I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”

62. Q: What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A: A Macintosh

61. Q: What does a horse say when you don’t give them enough hey? A: Ney.

60. Are you a horse? Yay or neigh?

#59 – 50. Funny Horse Jokes

59. Q: What do you call a horse that lives next door? A: A neigh-bor!

58. Black Beauty… Now there’s a dark horse.

57. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe? A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.

56. Q: Why did the pony have to gargle? A: Because it was a little horse!

55. Q: What did the waiter say to the horse? A: I can’t take your order. That’s not my stable.

54. Q: What do you call a baby donkey? A: A burrito!

53. What’s the hardest thing about learning to ride a horse? The ground!

52. What did the horse say when it fell? I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!

51. Did you hear about the depressed horse? He told a tale of whoa.

50. Q: How did the cowboy ride into town on Friday, stay for three days, and ride out on Friday? A: His horse’s name was Friday!

#49 – 40. Funny Horse Jokes

49. Q: What disease was the horse scared of getting? A: Hay fever!

48. Q: Where do horses shop? A: Old Neigh-vy!

47. Q: How do you know when a foal is sick? A: ITS A LITTLE HOARSE.

46. Q: What street do horses live on? A: Mane St.

45. I put a bet on a horse that had excellent breeding. After the horse left the starting gate, he stopped and closed it behind him.

44. Q: What kind of bread does a horse eat? A: Thoroughbred

43. Why can’t horses dance? They have two left feet.

42. Why did the pony have to gargle? Because it was a little horse!

41. Q: What is a horses favorite state? A: Neighbraska.

40. Q: When does a horse talk? A: Whinney wants to!

#39 – 30. Funny Horse Jokes

39. Q: Why did the horse cross the road? A: Because it wanted to see its neighbers!

38. Q: What is a horses favorite song? A: Watch Me (Whip / Neigh Neigh)

37. Q: What do you call a scary female horse? A: A nightmare!

36. Q: Where do you put 2 horses that just broken up? A: In the pasture

35. Q: What do you get if you cross a horse with a bee? A: Neigh buzz

34. Q: What do you call a noisy horse? A: A herd animal.

33. Q: What do you call a boy named Ryder who likes to ride a horses back? A: HORSE BACK RYDER.

32. Q: What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race? A: Sherbet

31. I put a bet on a horse to come in at 10 to 1 – and it did! Unfortunately all the others came in at 12.30.

30. What’s a horse’s favorite sport? Stable tennis.

#29 – 20. Funny Horse Jokes

29. Q: What do you call a promiscious pony? A: A Little Whorse

28. Q: Did you hear about the horse that wears condoms? A: They call him the “Trojan” horse.

27. Q: What did the horse say when it fell? A: I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!

26. Q: Why did the Anorexic blonde start eating hay? A: The doctor told her she needed to eat like a horse.

25. Q: What did one horse say to the other horse? A: The pace is familiar but I can’t remember the mane.

24. Q: How do you get a horse drunk? A: Drink him under the stable.

23. Q: What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class? A: Why the long face?

22. Q: What did the mare tell her filly after dinner? A: Clear the Stable.

21. Q: What is a young Colts favorite sport? A: Stable Tennis.

20. Q: What did the teacher say when the horse walked into her class? A: “Why the long face?”

#19 – 10. Funny Horse Jokes

19. A horse walks into a bar. “Hey,” says the barman. “Yes please,” says the horse.

18. Q: Where do horses go when they’re sick? A: The horsepital!

17. Q: Did you hear about the blonde water-polo player? A: His horse drowned

16. Q: How does a horse from Kentucky greet another horse? A: With Southern Horspitality!

15. Q: What did the momma say to the foal? A: Its pasture your bedtime

14. Q: What do you ask a sad horse? A: “Why the long face?”

13. Q: Why did the horse cross the road? A: Because somebody shouted hay!

12. Q: What is the best type of story to tell a runaway horse? A: A tale of WHOA!

11. Q: Why did the horse eat with its mouth open? A: Because it had bad stable manners!

10. Q: What do you call a horse that lives next door? A: A neigh-bor!

#9 – 1. Funny Horse Jokes

9. When do vampires like horse racing? When it’s neck and neck.

8. A horse walks into a bar. The barman asks: “Why the long face?”

7. Q: How long should a horse’s legs be? A: Long enough to reach the ground

6. Q: Why are most horses in shape? A: Because they are on a stable diet.

5. What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race? Sherbet.

4. Q: A man rode his horse to town on Friday. The next day he rode back on Friday. How is this possible?  A: The horse’s name was Friday.

3. Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him? The doctor described his condition as stable.

2. Q: Where do horses get their hair done? A: Maine.

1. Q: What’s the quickest way to mail a little horse? A: Use the Pony Express.

Ideas for the top 101 funny horse jokes were taken from the following sources.^[1]Ducksters – Horse Jokes^[2]Jokes 4 Us – Horse Jokes^[3]Horse & Hound – 15 great (or awful) horsey jokes to get you through Blue Monday^[4]Cowgirl – 15 Horse Jokes To Share With Your Friends^[5]Reader’s Digest – 17 Horse Jokes You Can’t Help but Laugh At^[6]LaffGaff – Funny Horse Jokes And Puns