Top 101 Funny Puns That Will Make You LOL

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Everybody loves puns. The best part is that the first time you read them, they might not seem that funny; however the more you think about it the funnier they get. With that in mind, check out the top 101 puns.

Table of Contents

#101 – 90. Funny Puns

101. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

100. I was walking through a quarry…I said to the foreman, “That sure is a big rock!” “Boulder,” he corrected me. So I stuck out my chest and shouted, “THAT SURE IS A BIG ROCK!!”

99. Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar…You can’t tell me that’s just a coincidence!

98. A termite walks into a bar and says, “Where is the bar tender?”

97. Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion. I imagine he’ll be given a tough sentence.

96. Apple is designing a new automatic car. But they’re having trouble installing Windows!

95. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?

94. I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said Wii!

93. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

92. A book just fell on my head. I’ve only got myshelf to blame.

91. Dr.’s are saying not to worry about the bird flu because it’s tweetable.

90. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

#89 – 80. Funny Puns

89. I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn’t talking to me.

88. Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!

87. To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing!

86. Q: What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? A: Guardians of the Galaxy.

85. What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi!

84. I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

83. Friend:Who are we looking for? Me: We’re finding Nemo. Friend:Then why are we looking around the school? We should be looking in the school toilets!

82. How did I escape Iraq? Iran.

81. R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist.

80. My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

#79 – 70. Funny Puns

79. Next thing you know it starts raining. The wife’s friend is shocked. She said, “How in the world did he know that?” Without missing a beat the wife said to her, “Rude Olaf the Red knows rain dear.”

78. eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.

77. Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

76. “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”

75. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

74. I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.

73. I just found out that I’m color blind. The news came completely out of the green!

72. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter!

71. I used to go fishing with Skrillex. But he kept dropping the bass!

70. Coffee has a rough time in our house. It gets mugged every single morning!

#69 – 60. Funny Puns

69. I don’t take offense. Fence thieves will take a fence, though.

68. My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.”

67. The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

66. I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup. It was Won Ton.

65. Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie!

64. I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts’ which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.

63. A mexican magician was doing a magic trick. He said, Uno, Dose, and he disappeared without a trace

62. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

61. “Doctor, there’s a patient on line 1 that says he’s invisible”

60. How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!

#59 – 50. Funny Puns

59. My girlfriend thought I’d never be able to make a car out of spaghetti…You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta!

58. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

57. A monastery decided to start a fish and chips store. When the store opened, a client comes in, and asks one of the clerics: are you the fish fryer? Oh, no, the cleric answers, I’m the chip monk!

56. Oxygen is proven to be a toxic gas. Anyone who inhales oxygen will normally dies within 80 years.

55. A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don’t even own bikes…

54. Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

53. I’ve started sleeping in our fireplace. Now I sleep like a log!

52. A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

51. What should a lawyer always wear to a court? A good lawsuit!

50. If a short psychic broke out of jail, then you’d have a small medium at large.

#49 – 40. Funny Puns

49. I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.

48. The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar. It was tense!

47. A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason… details are sketchy.

46. I don’t engage in mental combat with the unarmed.

45. About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went down hill fast.

44. What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha.

43. My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!

42. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.

41. Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.

40. Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball.

#39 – 30. Funny Puns

39. I just found out I’m colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

38. My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn’t concentrate.

37. Don’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap.

36. The quickest way to make antifreeze? Just steal her blanket!

35. I’m emotionally constipated. I haven’t given a shit in days.

34. Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything.

33. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!

32. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

31. What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.

30. Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards.

#29 – 20. Funny Puns

29. I’m glad I know sign language, it’s pretty handy.

28. What did Adam say to Eve before Christmas? “IT’S CHRISTMAS…” “EVE!!!”

27. What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? “Hey, close the door! I’m dressing!”

26. Sure, I drink brake fluid. But I can stop anytime!

25. When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.

24. There once was a Russian guy named Olaf who was mean, rude, and crude. One day his wife and her friend were in the kitchen discussing Christmas. Suddenly Olaf shouted, “It’s gonna rain any moment now!”

23. I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.

22. Worker: The allies have invades normady! Hitler: Wow… I did NAZI that coming!

21. Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

20. Time flies like an arrow…Fruit flies like a banana!

#19 – 10. Funny Puns

19. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!

18. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!

17. I’ve just written a song about tortillas – actually, it’s more of a rap.

16. Somebody stole all my lamps…and I couldn’t be more de-lighted!

15. What do you do with chemists when they die? Barium!

14. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!

13. *Plays game where I burn fake trees* ME – Hahahahah!!! HAHAHHAHA! Person next to me – What are you doing ME – WHAT DO YOU THINK? Person – You are playing with fire? ME – YOU JUST FELT THE BURN!!!

12. My wife refuses to go to a nude beach with me…I think she’s just being clothes-minded!

11. I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

10. When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.