Top 29 Asparagus Jokes

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Asparagus is one of the healthiest foods you can eat. However, did you also know that it is really funny? With that in mind, check out the top 29 asparagus jokes.

#29 – 20. Asparagus Jokes

29. Back in the day when sparrows had names, sparrows named Gus wouldn’t fare too well. People love eating Asparagus.

28. What’s the best vegetable to have in your car if you have a flat tire? Asparagus

27. What do you call an asparagus that wants to be a better person? Aspiregus

26. I want to grab just one asparagus…Why not grab a PAIR-a-gus?

25. The word asparagus is funny. It sounds like an Italian guy begging you not to kill someone named Gus.

24. Q: What do you call a song about people who love vegetables? A: Just the two of Asparagus.

23. Q: What is the difference between boogies and asparagus? A: Children enjoy eating boogies but not asparagus!

22. Q: What kind of socks do you need to plant asparagus? A: Garden hose!

21. Why did the asparagus change its name to asaragus? Because its “p” smelled funny.

20. What do you call an indecisive asparagus? An uhhhsparagus

#19 – 10. Asparagus Jokes

19. The definition of an asparagus: A bean with aspirations of becoming a paintbrush.

18. What do vegetarians say when they get a flat tire? Should’ve bought asparagus.

17. Someone who eats asparagus stalks must like them a whole bunch.

16. What did Mario say when his friend Gus was about to be shot in front of him? Asparagus

15. Q: Where did the asparagus go to have a few drinks? A: The Salad Bar!

14. What did the asparagus say when it got a flat tire? I should’ve brought a spare I guess.

13. Q: What water yields the most beautiful asparagus plants? A: Perspiration!

12. I got a flat tire on my way home from the grocery store At least I have asparagus

11. Wife and I got a flat tire driving back from the farmer’s market I should have bought asparagus

10. I bought 10 asparagus at the store but when I got home I realized I had 11. It was just a spare, I guess.

#9 – 1. Asparagus Jokes

9. I asked my wife to grab 6 asparagus stalks from the garden. She came back with 7. The last one was just a spare, I guess.

8. What did the Italian asparagus say to the man trying to kill him? Asparagi

7. What did the grocery store owner say to the customer that asked him if he sold tires? He shrugged and said, “I’ve got asparagus.”

6. My wife asked if we had asparagus. I said nope, just the one, and I’m using it.

5. Q: Why are asparagus stalks leaves never lonely? A: Because they come in bunches.

4. Q: What do you call asparagus stalks covered in solid gold? A: A bunch of money.

3. Wife: Will you grab asparagus? Me: Why? We don’t we don’t need a back up agus!

2. Two men were riding in a car made of vegatables. They ran over a huge pothole and they blew a tire. One guy says to the other: You should have brought asparagus

1. This asparagus is so fresh it has an aunty and uncle in Bel-Air.

Ideas for the top 29 asparagus jokes come from the following sources.^[1]Upjokes – asparagus joke^[2]Jokes4Us – asparagus joke^[3]punstoppable – asparagus puns