Top 58 Sex Jokes

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Sex is normal. It is the main way we reproduce. However, it can also be really funny and awkward to talk about. With that in mind, check out the top 58 sex jokes.

#58 – 50. Sex Jokes

58. What is the difference between a joke and 3 dicks? Your mom can’t take a joke.

57. What do you and your shower have in common? You both get wet when I turn you on.

56. I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they didn’t know either.

55. Why can’t gays drive faster than 68mph? Because at 69 they blow a rod.

54. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

53. What’s the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut will have sex with anyone, a bitch will have sex with anyone but you.

52. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use a lubricant.

51. What is the difference between “ooooooh”and “aaaaaaah”? About three inches.

50. That awkward moment when you’re about to hug someone sexy as hell and then you hit the mirror.

#49 – 40. Sex Jokes

49. I think the only time my ex didn’t fake an orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.

48. There is only 4 inches distance between 2 holes. Always select the right one.

47. Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

46. The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I’d like to masturbate in the cup. I said, “Well, I’m pretty good, but I don’t think I’m ready to compete just yet.”

45. China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor women are extra fertile, but because their condoms are ‘Made in China’.

44. What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.

43. My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10. Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9! That’s the best I’ve done so far.

42. Does time fly when you’re having sex or was it really just one minute?

41. Masturbation is like procrastination, it’s all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself!

40. Life is sexually transmitted.

#39 – 30. Sex Jokes

39. I think sex is better than logic, but I can’t prove it.

38. My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex… I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.

37. 20 years of sex in the dark the wife find out he was using a dildo the wife get angry and says ¨explain the dildo prick¨ the husband says ¨explain the children bitch

36. How do you make your wife scream during sex? Call her and tell her about it.

35. My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, “your daughter” wasn’t the right answer.

34. If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong …

33. Why do women love Chinese food? Because WON TON spelled backward is NOT NOW!

32. My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.

31. I just found an origami porn channel, but it is paper view only.

30. I bought a box of condoms earlier today. The cashier asked if I’d like a bag. I said “nah, I’ll just turn the lights off.”

#29 – 20. Sex Jokes

29. I think I’ll tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage.

28. Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose? They couldn’t close his casket.

27. If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.

26. Silence doesn’t mean your sexual performance left her speechless.

25. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.

24. Three words to ruin a man’s ego…? “Is it in?”

23. Don’t put a question mark where God put a period.

22. If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.

21. What’s the difference between a paycheck and a penis? You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.

20. What’s a man’s idea of foreplay? A half hour of begging.

#19 – 10. Sex Jokes

19. Whats long and hard and has cum in it? A cucumber.

18. Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.

17. Masturbation always leads to sex. It’s a gateway tug.

16. Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.

15. Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

14. 3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you ‘HANDSOME’, don’t take it as a compliment!

13. The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

12. Men approve of premarital sex until daughters are born.

11. I was masturbating today and my hand fell asleep – that’s got to be the ultimate rejection.

10. Did you get those yoga pants on sale? Because at my house they’re 100% off.

#9 – 1. Sex Jokes

9. A girl phoned me the other day and said, “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.

8. My girlfriend came out of the shower and said “I shaved my pussy, you know what that means? I said “yeah, the drain is clogged again. “

7. The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word ‘Facial’ is used.

6. I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay. She said she didn’t have time.

5. My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.

4. I was excited my teacher asked my for sex in exchange for a good grade, but then I realized I was homeschooled.

3. Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

2. How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

1.If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it’s clear why everyone calls me handsome.

Ideas for the top 58 sex jokes come from the following sources.^[1]OneLineFun – Sex One Liners^[2]Worst Jokes Ever – Sex Joke