Top 44 Dating Jokes

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Dating is both a scary and wonderful time. However, you probably didn’t know that it can be very funny as well. With that in mind, check out the top 44 dating jokes. 

44 – 40. Dating Jokes

44. When I broke up with my girlfriend she started crying and said I was a self-centred bastard. You should’ve seen the look on my face.

43. Q. How can you tell if your boyfriend is happy? A. Who cares?

42. Pal: “My advice for your date is, make her think you’re well travelled, girls love it!” Me: “Guess how many buses it took me to get here.”

41. Q: What does a boyfriend and mascara have in common? A: They both run at the first sign of emotion.

40. Q: How does a boyfriend show he’s planning for thefuture? A: He buys an extra case of beer.

#39 – 30. Dating Jokes

39. I had been seeing this girl for a while and I thought I should take things further, “Tell me,” I said to her, “do you believe in sex after marriage?”

38. Girlfriend: Wanna see a magic trick? Boyfriend: Sure, babe. Girlfriend: BAM! You’re single.

37. My girlfriend said she wanted a perfect holiday, so I had to stay home!

36. Q: What’s a boyfriends idea of honesty in a relationship? A: Telling you his real name.

35. Q: Why are Boyfriends like parking spaces? A: The good ones are already taken!

34. Q: What do you call a boyfriend who Masterbates more than twice a day? A: A Terrorwrist

33. Q. How do you get your boyfriend to do sit-ups? A. Put the remote control between his toes.

32. A guy tells his friends: The girl I was dating broke my heart, so I broke her Apple iPhone 5. You all know who cried more

31. Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church… everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.

30. Q: What do you call the useless piece of skin on apenis? A: A Boyfriend.

#29 – 20. Dating Jokes

29. I asked my new girlfriend how many men she has slept with. She said, “Six. What about you?” I said, “None, I’m straight.”

28. My girlfriend asked, “Do you want to get married?” I said, “Sure.”She said, “Great, when?” I said, “Well like every other guy, when I meet the right girl.”

27. Q. When would you want a man’s company? A. When he owns it!

26. Q: What do you call a man made out of garbage? A: Your ex-boyfriend!

25. Q: What do a good employee and a boyfriend have in common? A: They’re always coming early.

24. Q: What is a major turnoff? A: When your boyfriend talks about his ex.

23. Q: What does a penis and a boyfriend have in common? A: All men have one!

22. I slipped some rohypnol into my girlfriends drink last night. It was the best six hours of my life. I finally got to play my PS4 without being interrupted

21. Q: Why does your boyfriend have a hole in their penis? A: So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.

20. Q. What type of ship has two mates but no captain? A. Arelationship.

#19 – 10. Dating Jokes

19. Q: How do boyfriends exercise on the beach? A: By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini

18. Q: What is the difference between motorbike and boyfriend? A: Well, bike is first kicked than used and boyfriend is first used than kicked.

17. Q: How many ex-boyfriends does it take to tile a bathroom? A: Two – if you slice them very thinly.

16. Q: What is the difference between a sofa and a boyfriend watching Monday Night Football? A: The sofa doesn’t keep asking for beer.

15. My boyfriend likes to eat vegetables that looks like him for dinner. Good thing he’s a cute-cumber.

14. Q: What’s a boyfriends definition of a romantic evening? A: Sex.

13. Q: Did you hear about the new “morning after” pill for boyfriends? A: It changes their DNA.

12. Q: What’s the difference between me and a calendar? A: A calendar has dates.

11. I just ended a long-term relationship today. I’m not too bothered, it wasn’t mine.

10. Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because itdoesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

#9 – 1. Dating Jokes

9. Q: Why are boyfriends like cars? A: Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.

8. Q: What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a condom? A: Condoms have changed. They’re no longer thick and insensitive!

7. Do you know how to tell if your boyfriend is geting fat? He can wear your husbands clothes…

6. Q: How can you tell when your boyfriend is well hung? A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

5. If your girlfriend has a friend that annoys you, don’t tell her to stop being friends with her. Just casually mention how pretty she is.

4. My girlfriend’s dad asked me what I do. Apparently, “your daughter” wasn’t the answer he was looking for.

3. Q: Why do only 10 percent of boyfriends make it to heaven? A: Because if they all went, it would be called hell.

2. My girlfriend got a tattoo of a shell on her inner thigh Every time I lay my ear on it I can smell the sea. If I lie there long enough, I get crabs on my forehead.

1.Q: What book do women like the most? A: “Their boyfriends paycheck!”

Ideas for the top 44 dating jokes were taken from the following sources.^[1]Reader’s Digest – Relationship Jokes^[2]Super Jokes – Dating Joke^[3]UniJokes – Dating Joke