Top 48 American Jokes

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The United States is a great country in its own right. However, there are also a lot of jokes you can make about it. With that in mind, check out the top 48 American jokes that will make you LOL!

#48 – 40. American Jokes

48. Q: What do urine samples and American beer have in common? A: The taste.

47. Q: What do you call a worker in America that will work hard for reasonable pay and never whine? A: An immigrant.

46. If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language? An American.

45. What is every Californian’s favorite part about the winter? Watching all of the bad weather on TV.

44. Q: If George Washington was alive today, what would he do? A: Scratch mercilessly at the coffin walls, while screaming at the top of his lungs!

43. Q: Why do people come to America?  A: People come from all over the world to pursue their dreams of driving a taxi or selling hot dogs or working in a sweatshop.

42. How can you tell if an Oklahoman is married? There’s dried chewing tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck.

41. Only in America you can get a pizza delivered to your house faster than an ambulance.

40. Why is america bad at chess? We already lost two towers.

#39 – 30. American Jokes

39. Knock knock? Who’s there? 9/11, 9/11 who? You said you would never forget…

38. What happened when the american broke his arm? He went broke.

37. Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese. – He wants to make America grate again.

36. My friend calls me up and asks “Hey are you free tonight?” And I say of course, I’m American.

35. An American takes a sightseeing tour around London. While watching around he smiles and tells the guide: “Listen pal, why is everything so small here? Look at this building for example. In America it would be 10 times as big…I completely agree, sir! That’s the madhouse.”

34. An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage. The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked, “Where were you on the night of October to April?”

33. What’s a seven-course meal in North Dakota? A hamburger and a six-pack.

32. Q: How many Americans does it take to pave a driveway? A: Depends how thinly you slice them.

31. How do you get 100 Americans into one box of Donuts?

30. How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky? If it’d been invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

#29 – 20. American Jokes

29. What are the four seasons in Minnesota? Almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.

28. What do sex in a canoe and American beer have in common? They’re both fucking close to water.

27. How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon? 4.

26. I had to go see my doctor today because I’m having an unusual problem. I say to him, “I’ve got a problem, every time I finish masturbating I sing the American national anthem”. The doctor said, “Don’t worry, a lot of wankers sing that”.

25. Only in America will a fat person order a double big mac, extra large fries, and a DIET soda!

24. Apparently Monica Lewinsky didn’t vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

23. What do you call a Hawaiian murder mystery? A Hula-Dunnit.

22. Why do Germans love Americans? Because Americans are the most hated people in the world now.

21. What differentiates a zoo in Louisiana from other zoos? The Louisiana zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe. 

20. What is the difference between Indiana sports fans and puppies? Eventually, the puppies will grow up and stop whining so much.

#19 – 10. American Jokes

19. 9 out of 10 Americans are stupid… I’m so glad I’m in the 1%.

18. Q: What do sex in a canoe and American beer have in common?  A: They’re both fucking close to water.

17. An American tourist visits an oil-rich country. He gets into the customs  checkpoint, the customs agent asks him “Occupation?” The American replies “no, just, visiting.”

16. How do you know you’re from Ohio? You own only three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.

15. How do you know you’re in the presence of a real Coloradan? He carries his $3,000 mountain bike atop his $500 car.

14. “God created War so that Americans would learn Geography” – Mark Twain

13. It’s so hot in Arizona, cows are giving evaporated milk and the trees are whistling for dogs.

12. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth? A mechanic.

11. What did Tennessee? Same thing Arkansas.

10. What’s the difference between America and a bottle of milk? – In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.

#9 – 1. American Jokes

9. What do you call a worker in America that will work hard for reasonable pay and never whine? An immigrant.

8. An Arkansas state trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40. He says to the driver, “Got any ID?” The driver asks, “‘Bout what?”

7. What is the West Virginia state flower? The satellite dish.

6. Do you know what you get when you play a country tune backward? You get your job back, your house back, your wife back, your dog back …

5. If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? – America.

4. Q: What happened when the american broke his arm? A: He went broke.

3. Americans always say we should get together sometime, but they never call you back.

2. What do they call 100 John Deeres circling a McDonald’s in Iowa? Prom night.

1. What’s the difference between the US and yogurt? If you leave yogurt alone for 300 years, it develops a culture.

Ideas for the top 48 American Jokes were taken from the following sources.^[1]Though Catalog – 10 Great Jokes About Americans^[2]Reader’s Digest – The 50 Funniest Jokes About All 50 States^[3]Quora – What are some jokes about Americans?^[4]Worst Jokes Ever – America Jokes^[5]Quick Funny Jokes! – American Joke