Top 50 Anti Valentines Day Jokes for Singles

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Valentine’s Day is coming around. However, for those of us who are single this day only makes around relationship status painfully obvious. However, this year don’t feel too sad by checking out the top 50 Anti Valentines Day jokes.

Table of Contents

#50 – 40. Anti Valentines Day Jokes

50. Somebody left a grocery list in this cart that said…cheese and sh** like that. So my soul mate is out there.

49. “Too many women throw themselves into romance because they’re afraid of being single, then start making compromises and losing their identity. I won’t do that.” — Julie Delpy

48. “When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.” — Elizabeth Gilbert

47. What do single people call Valentine’s Day? Happy Independance Day

46. What’s a queen without her king? Well, historically speaking, more powerful.

45. My boyfriend is so handsome, looking all invisible and sh**.

44. The best thing about being a single woman is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that bed of yours. Left. Right. Middle.

43. “I won’t cry for you. My mascara is too expensive.” — Adriana Lima

42. I was asked what I look for in a relationship…apparently “a way out” wasn’t the right answer.

41. Getting into a relationship may seem like a good idea but so was getting on the Titanic and look what happened there.

40. “I think, therefore I’m single.” — Liz Winston

#39 – 30. Anti Valentines Day Jokes

39. “Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to reflect on all your horrible dating choices since last Valentine’s Day.” — Someecards

38. “Can’t wait to spend Valentine’s Day with my boyfriends… Ben & Jerry.” — Unknown

37. “Everyone has a knight in shining armour, mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.” – Unknown

36. Roses are red, violets are blue. If he’s busy on Valentines Day, the side chick is you!

35. “I’m single because I was born that way.” — Mae West

34. “This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something.” — Elizabeth Gilbert

33. Relationships are like Yard Sales; They look good from a distance, but up close it’s just a bunch of sh** you don’t need.

32. I’m going to spend Valentine’s Day with my ex Box 360.

31. 99% of my socks are single and you don’t see them crying about it.

30. I’m single because I don’t need anyone to ruin my life…I’m ruining it perfectly on my own.

#29 – 20. Anti Valentines Day Jokes

29. To all the single people on Valentine’s Day, don’t be sad. Think of all the Money and time you are saving on not getting a gift.

28. “Instead of celebrating Valentine’s Day this year, I’m celebrating Discount Chocolate Tuesday.” — Unknown

27. “Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.” — Sex and the City

26. Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.

25. “Being single is pretty good. It’s a nice sense of irresponsibility.” — Michael Douglas

24. “I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.” – Unknown

23. “To love blindly is to love selfishly, because the goal of such love is not the real advantage of the beloved but only the exercise of love in our own souls.” — Thomas Merton

22. Our break up was due to religious differences. He thought he was god…I didn’t.

21. I can’t wait for Valentine’s Day because I get to make cupcakes for a special someone and that special someone is me.

20. Current relationship status: Made dinner for two…ate both.

#19 – 10. Anti Valentines Day Jokes

19. “My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.” — Warsan Shire

18. Today may be Single’s Awareness Day, but chin up! Tomorrow is half-rice candy day!

17. “You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose.” — Jo Courdert

16. What’s better than having a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day? Being single on February 15th. All the candy and wine is half off, and no one cares if you get fat.

15. “Today is Valentine’s Day. Or, as men like to call it, Extortion day.” — Jay Leno

14. “I regard romantic comedies as a subgenre of sci-fi, in which the world operates according to different rules than my regular human world.” — Mindy Kaling

13. Stop asking why I’m still single. I don’t ask why you’re still married.

12. “Valentine’s Day is for couples. Us SINGLES have the other 364 days of the year to enjoy ourselves!” – Unknown

11. Boy: Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day? Girl: Yes, February 14th.

10. Like Dorothy, I attract men who are brainless, heartless, or cowards.