Top 56 College Jokes

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College is not only a time where you learn about yourself, it is also a great time to laugh and have fun. With that in  mind, check out the top 56 college jokes.

#56 – 50. College Jokes

56. Why couldn’t the moebius strip enroll in college? They required an orientation.

55. A boy’s FACEBOOK status: I’m online during class. ha ha ha ha ha ha… Comment from Professor: GET OUT Of the CLASS now….

54. High school graduates: You’ve just sat in a chair for 4 years. How would you like to do that again, but this time you pay for it?

53. Biddle and Payne, two elderly English professors, were having lunch in the cafeteria. During the course of the conversation, Biddle said, “A student gave me a peculiar answer in class today. I asked who wrote the Merchant of Venice and a sophomore said, “Please, sir, it wasn’t me!” “Ha, ha!” laughed Payne. “And I suppose the little snot had done it all along!”

52. A college professor reminds her class of the next day’s final exam saying, “Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!” A smartass guy sat at the back asks, “What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?” The whole class do their best to stifle their laughter but can’t help giggling. When silence is finally restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and says, “Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.”

51. Did you hear about the University of Miami fullback who stayed up all night studying for his urine test?

50. I want to reenact a scene  from fifty shades of grey. You know the one where she gets a job straight out of college?

#49 – 40. College Jokes

49. Why don’t you see giraffes in college? Because they’re all still in High School!

48. Did you hear about the power outage at the college library?… Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? When the kids are in college.

47. A professor had been after her students to bring in their 2 dollars for the class picture. Upset over the tardiness, one day she got up in front of the class and said, “Class, think how much you’re going to treasure this picture 25 years from now. You will pull it out and say, ‘There’s my friend, Julie. She’s a lawyer now. There’s my friend Robert. He’s a doctor’” Then a voice from the back of the room interrupted, “And there’s my professor. She’s dead.”

46. A banker was arrested for embezzling $100,000 to pay for his daughter’s college education. As the cop, who also had a daughter in college, was leading him away in handcuffs, he asked the banker, “I’ve got just one question for you. Where were you going to get the rest of the money?” A young hot-shot broker decides to take a day off from his stressful job and goes back to visit some of his professors at his old school. As he enters the school he sees a dog attacking a small child. The broker quickly jumps on the dog and strangles it. The next day, the local paper runs the story with the headline “Valiant Student Saves Boy From Vicious Dog.” When the broker sees the paper, he calls the editor of the paper and strongly suggests that a correction be printed, pointing out that he’s no longer a student, but a successful Wall Street broker. The next day, the paper issues a correction, with a headline saying, “Pompous Stock Broker Kills School Mascot.”

45. If you have ever price shopped for Top Ramen, you might be a college student.

44. A Boston brokerage house advertised for a “young Harvard graduate or the equivalent.” Among the inquiries received was one from a Yale grad. He said, “Do you mean two Princeton men, or a Yale man part time?

43. What do you call a good looking boy on my college’s campus?… A visitor.

42. A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store.” “But I’m a college graduate,” the young man replied indignantly. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here, give me the broom – I’ll show you how.”

41. We should really stop encouraging everyone to go to college.  The parking is bad enough as it is.

40. What does the average student at one college get on his SAT? Drool.

#39 – 30. College Jokes

39. In high school, you can’t go out to lunch because it’s not allowed. In college, you can’t go out to lunch because you can’t afford it.

38. A banker was arrested for embezzling $100,000 to pay for his daughter’s college education. As the cop, who also had a daughter in college, was leading him away in handcuffs, he asked the banker, “I’ve got just one question for you. Where were you going to get the rest of the money?”

37. What do you call a genius at my college?… A visitor.

36. “How was your blind date?” a college student asked her 21-year-old roommate. “Terrible!” the roommate answered. “He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce.” “Wow! That’s a very expensive classic car. What’s so bad about that?” “He was the original owner.”

35. How do you know that you have been in college too long? Your parents are running out of money!

34. What is the second stupidest thing in the world? An Arkansas architectural student out in the middle of the ocean trying to build a foundation for a house. What is the stupidest thing in the world? An Arkansas contractor trying to build a house on the foundation.

33. What kind of ships do students study on? Scholarships.

32. A pretty young college student visited her professor’s office after class one day. She glanced down the hall, closed the door and knelt before him as she said, “I’d do anything to pass this exam.” As she leaned even closer, she whispered seductively, “And I mean, anything…” The professor looked down at her and asked her, “Anything?” She repeated, “Anything.” The professor asked again in a quiet voice, “Anything?” The student smiled, and again said seductively, “Anything at all.” The professor’s voice turned to a whisper as he asked, “Would… you… study??”

31. Why did the sun skip college?  It already has a million degrees.

30. What’s the definition of an optimist? A college student who opens his wallet and expects to find money.

#29 – 20. College Jokes

29. Professor: Heavens! Someone stole my wallet! Wife: Didn’t you feel a hand in your pocket? Professor Yes, but I thought it was mine!

28. One day a college professor after getting irritated in his college class stands up in front of the class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and if there is one then he/she should stand up. After a minute a young man stands up. The professor then asks that guy if he actually thinks he is an idiot. The boy replied, “No, I just didn’t want to see you standing there all by yourself.”

27. An applicant was being interviewed for admission to a prominent medical school. “Tell me,” inquired the interviewer, “where do you expect to be ten years from now?” “Well, let’s see,” replied the student. “It’s Wednesday afternoon. I guess I ll be on the golf course by now.”

26. What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison.

25. Did you hear about the Louisiana Tech professor who stood in front of a mirror for two hours, wondering where he’d seen himself before?

24. Why is studying better than sex? You can finish early without feeling shame.

23. All the fraternity brothers left the house for a long weekend except for Grady, who decided to stay behind and get some studying done. One night Grady heard a noise under his bed. Fearing it might be a burglar, he leaned over and whispered, “Anybody there?” “No,” said the burglar. “That’s funny,” the boy said to himself. “I could have sworn I heard a noise!”

22. What’s the difference between an American student and an English student? About 3000 miles!

21. A son is calling his mom from college and telling her that he had just got his degree. The mother says: That’s great honey! What kind of degree? And the son, almost squealing with excitement says The best one ever, a Celsius degree!

20. Science Professor: Oxygen is a must for breathing & for life, It was discovered in 1773. College Student: Thank God! I am born after 1773 otherwise; I would have died without it.

#19 – 10. College Jokes

19. When our fraternity voted whether or not to permit alcohol, there was not a dry aye in the house.

18. A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination. On the paper, there was a single line which simply said: “Is this a question?” – Discuss. After a short time, he wrote: “If that is a question, then this is an answer.” The student received an “A” on the exam.

17. Jeb and Eudell, University of Michigan athletes, were driving from Ann Arbor to Cleveland. Just outside the city limits, they saw a sign: “CLEAN RESTROOMS.” By the time they got to Cleveland, they’d cleaned 147 restrooms.

16. The basketball coach storms into the university president’s office and demands an immediate raise. The president says, “But you already make more than the entire History department.” The coach says angrily, “Maybe so, but you don’t know what I have to put up with. Watch…” With that the coach goes into the hall and grabs a jock who’s jogging down the hallway. He says to him, “Run over to my office and see if I’m there.” Twenty minutes later the jock comes back, covered in sweat and breathing heavily. He says to the coach, “You’re not there, sir.” The president scratches his head as he says, “Oh, I see what you mean. I would have phoned.”

15. College has taught me to walk in front of moving cars with no fear. Don’t stop……….hit me………..at least I will have someone to pay my tuition.

14. Why do college students have TGIF on their shoes?… Toes Go In First!

13. Dear Board of education, we are bored of education.

12. A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. “In English,” he said, “A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language where a double positive can form a negative.” A voice from the back of the room said, “Yeah, right.”

11. An engineering student is walking on campus one day when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle. “Where did you get such a gread bike?” asks the first engineer. The second engineer replies, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, just minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes, laid on the ground, and said to me that I could take whatever I wanted.” The second engineer nods approvingly and says, “Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit anyway.”

10. Bantu:: If I climb this tree, can I see engineering college girls?? Babblu: Definitely, if you jump from there you can also see Medical college girls

#9 – 1. College Jokes

9. What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison.

8. How many fraternity brothers does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: None. That’s what pledges are for.

7. A college student was proudly showing off his new apartment to his friends one night after an evening out drinking. One of them asked him, “What’s the big brass gong and hammer for?” “That’s the talking clock”, the student replied. His friend was confused and asked, “How does it work?” The student said, “Watch…” and then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall, “Knock it off will you, it’s two o’clock in the morning!”

6. What do you call a good looking girl on my college’s campus?… A visitor.

5. A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class one day when a pre-med student interrupted him. “Why do we have to learn this stuff?” the student asked. “To save lives,” replied the professor. The student thought for a moment and then asked, “So how does physics save lives?” The professor stared at the student for a while without saying a word. Finally, he said, “Physics saves lives because it keeps certain people out of medical school.”

4. What do my college’s football team and pot have in common? They both get smoked in bowls!

3. Analogy for all college lecturers. They teach us to make “PLAIN RICE” in class & Expect from us to cook “BIRYANI” in exams…..

2. I didn’t choose the 4.0 life. The 4.0 life didn’t choose me either.

1. Q: How many graduate students does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but it may take him/her more than five years to do it.

Ideas for the top 56 college jokes come from the following sources.^[1]Jokes.LOL – College Joke^[2]LaffGaff – Funny College Joke^[3]College Dilemma – Top 50 Jokes For College Students-Will Make You Pee Your Pants!