Top 58 Gross Jokes

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There are many gross things. Your first reaction when seeing something gross might not be to laugh. With that in mind, check out the top 58 gross jokes.

#58 – 50. Gross Jokes

58. Q: Who is brave? A: He who has diarrhea and wants to fart!

57. Why does the witch not wear panties when flying? Because she wants to get a better grip on the broom.

56. Q: Why was the condom flying through the air? A: It got pissed off.

55. Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.

54. How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.

53. What do you call a fart? A turd honking for the right of way.

52. Q: Why there are many bubbles on the pool’s water? A: Swimmers are farting.

51. What’s green and smells like pork? Kermit’s finger.

50. Q: What do you call a cow with no legs. A: Ground Beef!

#49 – 40. Gross Jokes

49. Q: How is a pussy like a grapefruit? A: The best ones squirt when you eat them.

48. As she lay there dozing next to me a voice inside my head kept saying, “Relax, you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients.” But another voice kept saying, “Howard, you are a veterinarian.”

47. What do a bungee jump and a Hooker have in common? They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you’re dead.

46. Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot? Because he didn’t want people running around the White House saying, “come Spot, come Spot!”

45. Q: What is the definition of cheeky? A: Pissing through your next-door neighbor’s letter box, then a few minutes later ringing their doorbell and asking how far it went!

44. Take a squirt gun into the rest room stall next to someone and shoot little drops over the wall every couple of seconds while pretending to pee.

43. What is the sharpest thing in the world? A Fart. It goes through your pants and doesn’t even leave a hole.

42. Q: What do you give an elephant with diarrhea? A: Lots of room.

41. Q: What did the Lawyer say to the lesbian? A: One slip of the tongue and you will be in s**t!

40. Q: What does a Polish bride get on her wedding night that’s long and hard? A: A new last name.

#39 – 30. Gross Jokes

39. Q: What do you get when you mix beans and onions? A: Tear gas.

38. Q: What do the Starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common? A: They both circle Uranus searching for Klingons.

37. What’s the definition of bravery? A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!

36. Q: Why are constipated people so rude? A: They don’t give a crap.

35. Yo mama is so fat whenever I want to make sex I would request her to fart in order to find the address of her ass.

34. Laughing is always good except when you have diarrhea.

33. If you think you have shitty job, what if you were toilet paper!

32. You would think that taking off a snail’s shell would make it move faster, but it actually just makes it more sluggish.

31. Q: Why do farts smell? A: So deaf people can enjoy them, too.

30. My mother in law’s farts are so horrible that I can rent her to governments for using instead of chemical weapons for destroying their enemies!

#29 – 20. Gross Jokes

29. Did you hear about the man who took Viagra and a laxative at the same time? He didn’t know if he was coming or going.

28. Depressed? Keep your chin up! Because when u have it down it makes it look like u have 2 of them and its pretty gross.

27. Q: Why did the gay man get fired from his job at the sperm bank? A: Drinking on the job.

26. How did Captain Hook die? He wiped his bum with the wrong hand!

25. What is gross stupidity? 144 men in one room.

24. Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license? “Oh, it’s not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That’s disgusting!”

23. Q: What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm? A: “How are we supposed to find an egg in all this sh*t?”

22. What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.

21. Q: Did you hear about the new movie “Constipation?” A: It hasn’t come out yet.

20. Two skunks observed a deer hunter sneaking through the woods with a rifle. “I hope he’s not going to shoot at us,” said one skunk. The second skunk bowed his head and said, “Let us spray.”

#19 – 10. Gross Jokes

19. Q: What’s the difference between hockey player and hippie girl? A: Hockey player will take shower after 3 periods.

18. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

17. Q: What’s the ultimate rejection? A: When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

16. Q: Which of the following doesn’t belong: wife, meat, eggs, blowjob? A: The blowjob. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can’t beat a blowjob.

15. Yo Mama so hairy, when she shaved her legs, your dad thought she got a new carpet.

14. Q: Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted? A1: Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather. A2: Perverted is when you use the whole chicken…

13. I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, gross, godless, evil stuff… and I want it (:

12. Q: What’s the difference between driving in the fog and eating pussy? A: At least when you are eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you.

11. Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist? A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from

10. Q: How can you tell if a bank robber is gay? A: He ties up the safe and blows the guard.

#9 – 1. Gross Jokes

9. You might be a redneck if you think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.

8. What’s even grosser than that? When one of them throws up.

7. Q. What is the definition of gross ignorance? A. 144 blondes.

6. Q: Why do men fart louder than women? A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.

5. Q: What did one butt cheek say to the other? A: Together, we can stop this sh*t.

4. What’s grosser than gross? Two Siamese twins connected at the tongue.

3. Did you know that, in German, ‘gross’ means large? That’s what my German girlfriend said when she first saw my penis. I’ve also found that non-German women also use this word quite a lot.

2. One man says, “I can’t believe they are still together after all that crap.” The other man says, “Who?” The first man says, “Your butt cheeks.”

1.Q: What do Michael Jackson and Santa have in common? A: After a night of visiting children, they both have empty sacks.

Ideas for the top 58 gross jokes come from the following sources.^[1]SuperJokes – Gross Joke^[2]Unijokes – The best disgusting jokes