Top 150 Fish Jokes

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Fish are tasty. There are also a lot of them in lakes, rivers, and the ocean. However, I bet you didn’t know that they can be funny. Check out the top 150 fish jokes.

#150 – 140. Fish Jokes

150. Q: What is the best way to get in touch with a fish? A: Drop it a line

149. Q: Why don’t fish play tennis? A: Because there afraid of the net.

148. Q: What was the humpback’s favorite TV show? A: Whale of fortune!

147. What did the salmon say when he swam into a wall? Damn!

146. What bit of fish doesn’t make sense? The piece of cod that passeth all understanding!

145. Where do you find a down-and-out octopus? On squid row!

144. Who held the baby octopus to ransome? Squidnappers!

143. What does a bunny use when it goes fishing? A harenet.

142. What do you call a fish that knows addition? An Octoplus.

141. Q: What kind of fish do lion fish chase the most? A: Zebra Fish!

140. Q: What do you call a fish that has two knees? A: A tunee fish.

#139 – 130. Fish Jokes

139. What do you call a fish with two knees? A tunee fish.

138. Why don’t fish like basketball? Cause they’re afraid of the net

137. Where do fish sleep? In a water bed.

136. Why don’t fish pass their exams? Because they work below C-Level.

135. Why don’t lobsters ever pay retail? Because they are Sale-fish.

134. Have you ever heard of the gold fish that went bankrupt? Now he’s a bronze fish

133. What party game do fish like to play? Salmon Says.

132. How does an LA policeman go fishing? He catches one fish, then beats it until it tells him where the others are.

131. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.

130. I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

#129 – 120. Fish Jokes

129. Q: What do fish use for money? A: Sand dollars!

128. Did you hear about the goldfish who went bankrupt? Now he’s a bronze fish.

127. Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.

126. Who keeps the ocean clean? A mermaid.

125. What do you get if you cross a math teacher with a crab? Snappy answers.

124. What fish only swims at night? A starfish!

123. Q: What do you call a fish in a tuxedo? A: Very soFISHticated

122. Q: How did the seahorse move so quickly? A: He scalloped

121. Me: When you look at your fish sticks what do you see? Friend: I just seafood (see food)

120. Q: Where do teachers send fish who misbehave? A: To the Offish

#119 – 110. Fish Jokes

119. How could the dolphin afford to buy a house? He prawned everything!

118. What do whales eat? Fish and ships. What do you call an underwater social network? Fishbook

117. What was the Tsar of Russia’s favorite fish? Tsardines!

116. What happens when you put nutella on salmon? You get salmonella

115. Did you hear about the fight in the kitchen? A fish got battered.

114. Q: Why don’t fish do well on school tests? A: Because they work below C-Level.

113. Q: Where do women fish keep their money? A: In their octopurse.

112. Q: What was the Russia Tsar’s favorite type of fish? A: Tsardines!

111. Where do fishes work? The Offish

110. Why did the fish go to Hollywood? He wanted to be a starfish!

#109 – 100. Fish Jokes

109. How do fish go into business? The start on a small scale!

108. What do you call a smelly fish? A stink ray.

107. Q: Why are fish so well educated? A: They swim in schools!

106. Q: What do you call a crayfish with a messy room? A: A slobster

105. Where do women keep their money when underwater? In a octurpurse.

104. What happens when sharks take their clothes off? They go sharkers!

103. Where do fish go to do yoga? The river bend

102. What is the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano but you cannot tuna fish.

101. What do you call a fish with a tie? soFISHticated

100. How do you make a fish laugh? Tell a whale of a tale.

#99 – 90. Fish Jokes

99. Q: How do you keep a fish from smelling? A: plug it’s nose.

98. Why don’t fish play basketball? Because there afraid of the net.

97. Before his rise to fame, Jaws was Chuck Norris’s goldfish.

96. Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid

95. What do you call a big fish who makes you an offer you can’t refuse? The Codfather!

94. Q: What did the trout detective say? A: There’s something fishy going on here.

93. Q: What do British sea monsters eat? A: Fish & ships.

92. How did the fish find the World Wide Web? In a Net.

91. What do you call a talking crustacean? Holy Crab.

90. What do fish need to stay healthy? Vitamin Sea.

#89 – 80. Fish Jokes

89. Did you know the Octopus is the only fish that can squirt ink? Just Squidding.

88. Why did the fish blush? Because it saw the oceans bottom.

87. Q: Where does a fish keep his money A: In the River Bank!

86. Why do oysters go to the gym? It’s good for the mussel.

85. How does an octopus go to war? Well-armed!

84. What is a trouts main job? To keep his daughter off the pole.

83. Your mom is so stupid she tried to drown a fish.

82. Q: If fish lived on land, which country would they live in? A: Finland.

81. What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market? Good morning ladies.

80. Where do you weigh whales? At a whale weigh station!

#79 – 70. Fish Jokes

79. Q: Did you know that sharks can also squirt ink? A: Just Squidding!

78. What does the pope eat during lent? Holy mackerel!

77. Why did the octopus cross the road? To get to the other tide.

76. Why did the whale cross the road? To get to the other tide!

75. Why are gold fish orange? The water makes them rusty!

74. Q: What kind of guitar do fish play? A: Bass

73. How does a seahorse quickly get from one place to another? He scallops!

72. Chuck Norris is the only person able beat a fish at holding his breath under water.

71. What do you get when you cross a mink with an octopus? A coat of arms.

70. Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon!

#69 – 60. Fish Jokes

69. Where do shellfish go to borrow money? To the prawn broker!

68. What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout? Monkfish!

67. What kind of fish only swims in hot oil? Fish Sticks.

66. Which fish go to heaven when they die? Angelfish!

65. What do you call a fish that can give you a face-lift? A plastic Sturgeon.

64. Q: How did the guppies get to the hospital? A: In a clambulance.

63. Boy: Have u ever been fishing before? Girl: Why? Boy: I think we should hook up!

62. Q: What was the name of the fish that destroyed Japan? A: Codzilla.

61. What did the magician say to the fisherman? Pick a cod, any cod!

60. What kind of fish chase mice? Catfish.

#59 – 50. Fish Jokes

59. What fish goes up the river at 100mph? A motor pike!

58. Which day do fish hate? Fry-day!

57. What is dry on the outside, filled with water and blows up buildings? A fish tank!

56. Q: What kind of food do they serve in saunas? A: Steamed mussels.

55. What do you get if you cross a big fish with an electricity pylon? An electric shark!

54. How did the marine mollusk get into college? Apparently it got in on a scallopship!

53. What do you call a fish that needs help with his or her vocals? Autotuna

52. Yo Momma so stupid, she thought seaweed is something fish smoke.

51. What do you call a fish that destroys Japan? Codzilla.

50. What kind of fish plays the guitar? Bassist

#49 – 40. Fish Jokes

49. Q: How do fish know their weight? A: They have scales.

48. What fish do road-menders use? Pneumatic krill!

47. Q: What birthday party game do fish like to play? A: Salmon Says.

46. What is the best way to communicate with a fish? Drop it a line!

45. Who sleeps at the bottom of the sea? Jack the kipper!

44. What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys? He got lockjaw!

43. Whats the best way to catch a fish? Have some one throw it at you.

42. Where do fish wash? In a river basin!

41. What game do fish like playing the most? Name that tuna!

40. What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune!

#39 – 30. Fish Jokes

39. How do fish travel long distances? They whale (hail) a cab.

38. Q: Who held the baby octopus for ransome? A: Squidnappers!

37. What is the most expensive kind of fish? a goldfish

36. How do shellfish get to the hospital? In a clambulance.

35. I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.

34. What happens when you drink like a fish? You piss like a fire hose.

33. Chuck Norris is so powerful that when he goes fishing, the fish are so scared they drown.

32. Q: Why did the squid cross the road? A: To get to the other tide.

31. Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

30. What did the people say when they were waiting for the dolphins to jump? Water they waiting for!

#29 – 20. Fish Jokes

29. What part of a fish weighs the most? It’s scales!

28. What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? I wanna hold you hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!

27. Two fish are sitting in a tank. One looks over at the other and says: “Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?”

26. Q: How did the mollusk get into college? A: On a scallopship.

25. Q: What do you get when you cross a banker with a hammerhead? A: A Loan shark!

24. What did the fish say when he posted bail? “I’m off the hook!”

23. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!

22. Why are fish such intelligent creatures? Because they swim in schools!

21. Where are most fish found? Between the head and the tail!

20. Q: What do English whales eat? A: Fish and ships.

#19 – 10. Fish Jokes

19. Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut!

18. Why did Sally go to the Lake after her brothers teased her? To fish for compliments.

17. Q: What is the most valuable type of fish? A: A goldfish

16. What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.

15. What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air? A seahorse!

14. What do you get from a bad-tempered shark? As far away as possible!

13. What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish? A Loan shark!

12. Q: Which fish work in hospitals? A: Sturgeons

11. Q: What do you get if you cross a pastor with a guppie? A: Monkfish!

10. Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle

#9 – 1. Fish Jokes

9. Have you heard about the Sauna that serves food? Their specialty is steamed mussels.

8. What do naked fish play with? Bare-a-cudas!

7. What do you call a lazy crayfish? Slobster

6. How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles

5. How do you keep a fish from smelling? Cut off his nose.

4. What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? Dam.

3. Q: Where do bass wash up? A: A river basin!

2. Chuck Norris really can get chicken from a tuna can.

1.What do you call an underwater transformer? Octopus Prime.

Ideas for the top 150 fish jokes come from the following sources.^[1]Jokes4Us – Fish Joke^[2]Fun Kids Jokes – Fish Joke^[3]Unijokes – the best fish joke