Top 58 Harry Potter Jokes

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Harry Potter is one of the most famous books ever written. With that in mind, check out the top 58 Harry Potter jokes.

#58 – 50. Harry Potter Jokes

58. Q: Why does Professor Snape stand in the middle of the road? A: So you’ll never know what side he’s on!

57. I must have had some Felix Felicis, because I think I’m about to get lucky.

56. How does Harry’s monthly grocery basket take next to no time when ordering online? Prior-In-Cart-Item.

55. What do you call two Quidditch players who share a dorm? A. Broom-mates.

54. Did you survive Avada Kedavra? Because you’re drop-dead gorgeous.

53. Knock knock. Who’s there? You know. You know who? Exactly! Avada kedavra!

52. What did the comedian say to Harry Potter? “Why so Sirius?”

51. How does Harry Potter enter a room? Through the Gryffin-door.

50. Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter over Facebook? Because he has only followers, not friends.

#49 – 40. Harry Potter Jokes

49. Why did Harry Potter cross the road? No reason. But we’re sure someone will still write fan-fiction about it.

48. What do you call a Hufflepuff with two brain cells? Pregnant.

47. Where might you find Dumbledore’s Army? Up his sleeve-y!

46. What did Hermione do when Harry and Ron took the flying car to school? Finally relaxed.

45. What would you call a reality show where Sirius Black adopted the Weasley children? Orange Is the New Black.

44. “Harry, your godfather is dead.” “Are you serious?!?” “No, I’m Snape.”

43. How much does it cost to watch Harry Potter play his favorite sport? A quid each.

42. How many wizards does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to hold the bulb. One to rotate the room.

41. How many harry potters does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, he just stands there and the world revolves around him.

40. How do you know if someone is a pureblood? Oh, don’t worry. They’ll tell you.

#39 – 30. Harry Potter Jokes

39. Why is Mad-Eye Moody such a bad professor? Because he can’t control his pupils.

38. Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions? They were past their hexpiration date!

37. Are you a Dementor? You just took my breath away.

36. I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light-hearted. The fifth one was dead Sirius.

35. Why did the protons vote for Harry Potter to be president? Because they didn’t want to elect Ron.

34. Q: How do the Malfoy’s enter the room? A: They Slytherin!

33. Why did Severus Snape stand in the middle of the road? So you’d never know which side he was on.

32. How many Muggles does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. It is the only thing they are good for.

31. Why was Harry Potter sent to the office? Because he was cursing in class.

30. Why doesn’t Voldemort have glasses? Nobody nose.

#29 – 20. Harry Potter Jokes

29. Do you like Harry Potter? Because I a-Dumbledore you!

28. What do you call the entrance to a magical gym? A dumbbell door.

27. How many Harry Potters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. He holds it and the world revolves around him.

26. Knock knock. Who’s there? Harry, Harry who? Harry up it’s getting cold out here!

25. Is your name Oliver Wood? Because you’re definitely a keeper.

24. What do you call an electrocuted Dark Lord? A Volt-demort.

23. How many Purebloods does it take to screw in a lightbulb? What’s a lightbulb?

22. Why did Barty Crouch Jr. quit drinking? Because it was making him Moody.

21. Why can’t Harry Potter tell the difference between his potions pot and his best friend? They’re both cauldron.

20. The barman says, “We don’t serve time-travelers here.” Hermione walks into a pub with a Time-Turner.

#19 – 10. Harry Potter Jokes

19. Yo mamma has such a sweet tooth, her Patronus is a cake.

18. Why is herbology Slytherin students’ favorite class? Because it’s in the greenhouse.

17. How do Death Eaters freshen their breath? With Dementos.

16. Harry Potter puns can Slytherin to any conversation.

15. Why did Harry Potter get pulled over for speeding? Because he didn’t expect-no-patrol-man.

14. I love Harry Potter, but after re-reading the chapter “The Deathday Party,” I realized something about Nearly Headless Nick. He was a very poorly executed character.

13. What do you call a postal carrier who can speak to packages? A parcel tongue.

12. Why doesn’t snape teach herbology? Because his lily died.

11. How does Voldemort enter a room? He slithers in.

10. How does Harry Potter get rid of a rash? With quit-itch.

#9 – 1. Harry Potter Jokes

9. What does Harry Potter have that The Dark Lord doesn’t? A nose.

8. On a scale of one to 10, how obsessed with the Harry Potter Series am I? Nine and three quarters.

7. If a wizard gets robbed by a Muggle, has he been Muggled?

6. Q: Do you know anyone who could teach me to play Quiddich? A: I’m sure Oliver Wood.

5. How did Harry Potter get down the hill? Walking. J/K, rolling.

4. What’s a wizard’s favourite kind of cereal? A: Huffle Puffs.

3. Q: How would you get a magical creature in your house? A: Through the Gryffin-door!

2. How many Slytherins does it take to stir a cauldron? Just one. She puts her wand in and the cauldron revolves around her.

1. “Harry, your godfather is dead.” “Are you serious?!?” “Yep. Dead Sirius.”

Ideas for the top 58 Harry Potter jokes come from the following sources.^[1]ScaryMommy – 82 Magically Hilarious Harry Potter Joke, Riddles, And Puns To Slytherin Any Convo^[2]Fatherly – 30 Hilarious Harry Potter Joke Even Muggles Will Understand^[3]kidadl – 30 Harry Potter Joke That Even Muggles Will Love