Top 66 Travel Jokes

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Vacation is a great time to go travel and see the world. However, did you know that travel can be really funny? With that in mind, check out the top 66 travel jokes.

#66 – 60. Travel Jokes

66. We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour.

65. Where do pepperonis go on vacation? The Leaning Tower of Pizza.

64. What’s worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing Taxi.

63. My sister bet me I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti. U should of saw her face as I drove pasta.

62. I applied for a job today and they ask for three references. I wrote, “a dictionary, a Thesaurus, and a map.”

61. Two blondes were driving to Disneyland. The sign said, “Disneyland Left”. So they started crying and went home.

60. What Holiday does a Jewish car celebrate? Honk-in-ka.

#59 – 50. Travel Jokes

59. My cat constantly looks at me like I asked her to give me a ride to the airport.

58. Where do bees go on holiday? Stingapore!

57. Young riders pick a destination and go… Old riders pick a direction and go.

56. I like when flies won’t leave my car on long road trips. Have fun moving to Kansas, you tiny idiot.

55. Why did the librarian get kicked off the plane? Because it was overbooked.

54. I went geese hunting the other day but once they started flying I knew the game was up.

53. You must be from Prague because I can’t help but Czech you out.

52. Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado!

51. Why don’t aliens visit our planet? Terrible ratings. One star.

50. Where do the pianists go for vacation? Florida Keys

#49 – 40. Travel Jokes

49. Where do sheep go on vacation? To the baaaaaahamas.

48. Are you Vietnamese? Cause I’m falling pho you.

47. What’s a Japanese girl’s favorite holiday? “Erection” day.

46. Where do math teachers go on vacation? To Times Square.

45. Chuck Norris traveled around the world in 60 milliseconds.

44. My cat constantly looks at me like I asked her to give me a ride to the airport.

43. What travel 100 miles per hour underground? “A mole on a motorbike.”

42. Yo mama so stupid she tried to climb mountain dew.

41. What kind of tan did pilgrims get to the beach? Puritan.

40. I wonder how many miles I’ve scrolled with my thumb.

#39 – 30. Travel Jokes

39. The Titanic was built to last, let that sink in.

38. With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it’s only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy’s truck leaves him too.

37. I’m on the highway to hell, but ran over the pothole to hell and need the roadside assistance to hell.

36. 19 and 20 got into a fight. 21.

35. I didn’t realize how bad of a driver I was until my satnav said, “In 400 feet, do a slight right, stop, and let me out.”

34. Q: Why did the librarian get kicked off the plane? A: Because it was overbooked.

33. Why didn’t Mr. Krabs invite Spongebob to go on a vacation? Because he’s Shellfish.

32. After the helicopter crash, the blond pilot was asked what happened. She replied, “It was getting chilly in there, so I turned the fan off.”

31. What did E.T.’s mother say to him when he got home? “Where on Earth have you been?!”

30. Q: What goes through towns, up hills, and down hills but never moves? A: The road!

#29 – 20. Travel Jokes

29. I didn’t realize how bad of a driver I was until my sat nav said, “In 400 feet, do a slight right, stop, and let me out.”

28. Heard about the pilot who decided to cook whilst flying? It was a recipe for disaster.

27. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.

26. What do goblins mail their friends while on vacation? Ghostcards

25. I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first, I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.

24. The bartender says “we don’t serve time travelers in here”. A time traveler walks into a bar.

23. I forgot my coffee this morning so I’m gonna drive on the rumble strips along the side of the road all the way to work just to be safe.

22. Where do eggs go on holiday? New Yolk City.

21. Q: What’s the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush? A: One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!

20. Why did the pirate go on vacation? He needed some AARRRRGGH and AARRRRGGH!

#19 – 10. Travel Jokes

19. We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour.

18. Why don’t mummies go on vacation? Because they are afraid to relax and unwind.

17. What’s the opposite of a dirty destination? A clean getaway.

16. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

15. I got excited when my son joined the cross-country team. But then I learned they don’t cross the country and are back home in a few hours.

14. What’s a Mexican’s favorite sport? Cross country.

13. I WRITE ALL MY JOKES IN CAPITALS. THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN PARIS.

12. Don’t worry guys, my wife just turned the car radio down so we shouldn’t be lost much longer.

11. I got excited when my son joined the cross-country team. But then I learned they don’t cross the country and are back home in a few hours.

10. I asked my pilot if he’d be okay having sex with me on our flight. He replied, “I don’t give a flying fuck.”

#9 – 1. Travel Jokes

9. How does a snowman get around? He rides an icicle!

8. Where do sharks go on holiday? Finland.

7. Where does a cow stay when it is on vacation? A moo-tel!

6. The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Finland. Now Santa Claus is missing.

5. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

4. When will pigs fly? When we launch them to mars for the astronauts to have bacon!

3. Clinging on to past and living is like driving forward while watching the rear view mirror…

2. What goes through towns, up hills, and down hills but never moves? The road!

1.”I hope this plane doesn’t travel faster than sound,” said the old lady to the stewardess. “Why?” “Because my friend and I want to talk, that’s why.”

Ideas for the top 66 travel jokes come from the following sources.^[1]SuperJokes – Travel Joke^[2]Reader’s Digest – Travel Joke^[3]OneLineFun – Travel One Liners^[4]Jokes4Us – Travel Joke