Top 35 Tequila Jokes

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Tequila is many people’s favorite alcoholic drink. However, if they are not too carefully, it can quickly catch up to them and make them do funny things. With that in mind, check out the top 35 Tequila jokes.

#35 – 30. Tequila Jokes

35. I always take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.

34. A man walked up to me in a nightclub yesterday and said, “I am so pissed that I’m even pissing out Tequila…”Can’t believe I fell for it.

33. I’m in a commited relationship with Jose Cuervo.

32. If you really want a promotion at work, all you have to do is walk into your office shouting, “Vodka! Tequila! Sambuca!” at the top of your lungs…This will make you the person who calls the shots…

31. If a guy gets drunk on tequila, and beats you up… then he’s guilty of agavated assault.

30. Self-discipline is drinking 10 shots of tequila and making it back to the right home.

#29 – 20. Tequila Jokes

29. Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary, but I looked it up on whiskeypedia. And learned if you drink too much, it’s likely tequil-ya.

28. Tequila may not be the answer…but it’s worth a shot.

27. Why did Mexicans create tequila? So ugly people would have a chance at having sex!

26. Tequila is never the answer… But it does make you forget the question.

25. What does a shot of 1800 Tequila and a Woman have in common? Both of them make men start talking nonsense!

24. I must be allergic to tequila…Every time I drink it I break out in handcuffs.

23. Boy: “I love you so much, I could never live without you.” Girl: “Is that you or the tequila talking?” Boy: “It’s me talking to the tequila.”

22. A guy offers a girl a shot of tequila, but the girl says tequila is bad for her legs, The guy ask “Do they swell?” The girl replies “No they spread”

21. Tequila doesn’t turn people into somebody they’re not. It just makes them forget to hide that part of themselves.

20. Whats the difference between a dog and a fox? 3 shots of Patron.

#19 – 10. Tequila Jokes

19. What do you call a man with a shot of tequila on his head? A taxi. Clearly, he’s had too much liquor and is being a nuisance.

18. Tequila — that’s what makes you drunk right there; that’s what’ll get you drunk in the bar. You see, I think that’s what the world’s divided up into. It’s not a man/woman thing or a black/white thing, it’s a tequila thing. I think there’re people who can drink tequila and there’re people who can never hear that word again.

17. What does tequila prove? That happiness is the moment inbetween lemon and salt.

16. Is it alright to drink a bottle of tequila? Only if you want it to-kill-ya.

15. I have a couple shots of tequila maybe once every blue moon. Sorry, I wrote that wrong. I have a couple of Blue Moons for every shot of tequila.

14. How does Harry Potter order tequila shots? “Patron us!”

13. It’s National Tequila Day. I wasn’t gonna celebrate, but then I thought I’d give it a shot.

12. You know what they say about drinking too much tequila…Can’t remember.

11. What do you call a dinosaur drinking Tequila? Tyrannosaurus Mex.

10. Did you hear about the Mexican that stabbed his wife 46 times? They reckon he wanted tequila

#9 – 1. Tequila Jokes

9. Tequila is an excellent teacher… Just last night it taught me to count… One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor!

8. Have you ever noticed that sibling toddlers converse with one another in what I call their ‘mother tongue’. They can understand one another, and only they can understand one another. If you were one of these siblings and wish to revisit your mother tongue, take it from me, about ten shots of tequila ought to do it.

7. I’ve been on a tequila diet…And I’ve lost 4 days already

6. What is an english teacher’s favorite drink? Tequila Mockingbird

5. Why’d the Mexican push his wife off a cliff? Tequila.

4. How do you get a computer drunk? A screenshot of Tequila

3. When life hands you lemons, find someone with tequila and salt!

2. Mayan: Hey wanna a shot of tequlla? Other Mayan: I’m working on this calendar, but I guess if I don’t finish it won’t be the end of the world.

1.What do you get when you cross alcohol and literature? Tequila Mockingbird

Ideas for the top 35 tequila jokes come from the following sources.^[1]SuperJokes – Tequila Joke^[2]Upjoke – Tequila Joke^[3]Jokes4Us – National Tequila Day Joke