Top 71 Nerd Jokes

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Being a nerd is great. Not only are you smart, but you have great humor. With that in mind, check out the top 71 nerd jokes.

#71 – 70. Nerd Jokes

71. Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.

70. Q: Why did the programmer use the entire bottle of shampoo during one shower? A: Because the bottle said “Lather, Rinse, Repeat.”

#69 – 60. Nerd Jokes

69. How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish.

68. What is a physicist’s favorite food? Fission chips.

67. Q: What did Argon do when Copper insulted him? A: Argon had no reaction.

66. Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says, “I’ll have some H20.” The second one says, “I’ll have some H20 too.” The second one dies.

65. Entropy isn’t what it used to.

64. The box said ‘Requires Windows 95 or better’. So I installed Linux.

63. Bugs come in through open Windows.

62. Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar and doesn’t.

61. Q: What do Biologists wear on their heads when playing Football? A: Helminths

60. C, E flat and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”

#59 – 50. Nerd Jokes

59. CAPS LOCK – Preventing Login Since 1980.

58. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

57. Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

56. Have you heard about the sick chemist? If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, you’ll probably have to barium.

55. Q: Why did the 30-60-90 triangle marry the 45-45-90 triangle? A: They were right for each other

54. If you think patience is a virtue, try surfing the net on a 14.4k dial up connection.

53. To err is human – and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

52. Windows Vista supports real multitasking – it can boot and crash simultaneously.

51. Q: Why did the noble gas cry? A: Because all his friends Argon

50. There are only two hard things in computer science – cache invalidation, naming things and off-by-one errors.

#49 – 40. Nerd Jokes

49. Q: What do you call the leader of a biology gang? A: The Nucleus

48. Why can’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.

47. The first rule of tautology club is the first rule of tautology club.

46. Q: What did the chemist say when he found two new isotopes of Helium? A: HeHe

45. My friend Power has been stressed all week. His boss keeps making him work overtime. (P=W/T)

44. If you’re not part of the solution…You’re part of the precipitate.

43. In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?

42. A Higgs Boson walks into a church. The priest says, “I’m sorry, we don’t allow Higgs Bosons in here.” The Higgs Boson says, “But how can you have mass without me?”

41. Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? A: Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.

40. What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder.

#39 – 30. Nerd Jokes

39. Q: Why was the Calculus teacher bad at baseball? A: He was better at fitting curves than hitting them

38. Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Do all of you want a drink?” The first logician says, “I don’t know.” The second logician says, “I don’t know.” The third logician says, “Yes.”

37. Why did the bear dissolve in water? It was polar.

36. Unix is user friendly. It’s just selective about who its friends are.

35. A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. “Don’t you mean a martini?” asks the bartender. The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!”

34. Q: What does a proud computer call his little son? A: A microchip off the old block.

33. Q: What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? A: Ouch, Mitosis!

32. Programming is like sex, one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

31. Two students talk: “What are you reading?” “Quantum physics theory book.” “But why are you reading it upside-down?” “It makes no difference anyway.”

30. Q: What washes up on beaches? A: Nucleotides

#29 – 20. Nerd Jokes

29. How do you know the moon is going broke? It’s down to its last quarter.

28. A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left. The chemist shoots at the same deer and misses five feet to the right. The statistician shouts, “We got him!”

27. Why does a burger have less energy than a steak? A burger is in its ground state.

26. What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder.

25. There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

24. A logician’s wife is having a baby. Straight after the birth the doctor hands the baby to the father. The wife asks impatiently, “Is it a boy or a girl?” The logician replies, “Yes.”

23. Why did I divide Sin by Tan? Just Cos.

22. What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

21. Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks him if he wants a drink? Descartes says, “I think not” and then he disappears.

20. Q: How can you tell if a computer geek is an extrovert? A: They stare at your shoes when you talk instead of their own.

#19 – 10. Nerd Jokes

19. Q: What do you get if you take your computer to an ice rink? A: A slipped disk

18. Why do engineers confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25

17. How many theoretical physicists does it take to change a light bulb? Two – one to hold the light bulb and one to rotate the universe.

16. Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. It’s a hardware problem.

15. Where does bad light end up? In prism.

14. My teacher said to me, “Name two pronouns.” I said, “Who, me?”

13. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

12. A Buddhist monk goes up to a hot dog stand and says to the vendor, “Make me one with everything.

11. What is a cation afraid of? Dogions

10. Q: Why is beer never served at a math party? A: Because you can’t drink and derive.

#9 – 1. Nerd Jokes

9. Q: Why can you never trust atoms? A: They make up everything!

8. Schrodinger gets pulled over by a cop. The cop searches the trunk and says, “Do you know there’s a dead cat in here?” Schrodinger says, “Well I do now!”

7. Q: Why is Ms. Radian such a good reporter? A: She covers the story from every angle

6. What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass? Beer.

5. Q: What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? A: Pull down its genes

4. Heisenberg is pulled over by a cop who asks him, “Do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg replies, “No, but I know where I am.”

3. Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0k now.

2. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but really mean your mother.

1.There are two kittens on a sloped roof. Which one slides of first? The one with the lowest mew.

Ideas for the top 71 nerd jokes come from the following sources.^[1]SuperJokes.net – Nerd Joke^[2]LaffGaff – Funny Nerd Joke^[3]Quick, Funny Jokes – Nerd and Geek Jokes