Top 88 Car Jokes

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Cars help get us around. However, they can also be quite funny. With that in mind, check out the top 88 car jokes.

#88 – 80. Car Jokes

88. I recently got a new Korean mechanic but it’s hard to understand him – he speaks with a Hyundai Accent!

87. Yo’ Mama is so skanky, her idea of safe sex is to lock the car doors.

86. What’s a mixed feeling? When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

85. I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.

84. Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? He couldn’t afford plane fare.

83. What’s the difference between BMWs and Porcupines? Porcupines carry their pricks on the outside.

82. I work to buy a car to go to work.

81. What kind of car does Jesus drive? A Christler.

80. Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving.

#79 – 70. Car Jokes

79. Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn’t, I hit it with my car 3 blocks down.

78. What do you take care of after a car crash? The witnesses

77. I’ve never once been able to explain my car trouble to a mechanic without resorting to sound effects.

76. Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.

75. I’ve never once been able to explain my car trouble to a mechanic without resorting to sound effects.

74. What do women and police cars have in common? They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.

73. I forgot my coffee this morning so I’m gonna drive on the rumble strips along the side of the road all the way to work just to be safe.

72. I always adjust the seat and mirrors when I drive my husband’s car so he doesn’t forget he’s married.

71. A dad is washing the car with his son. After a moment, the son asks his father, “Do you think we could use a sponge instead?”

70. Yo mamma is so fat, when I swerved in my car to get around her, I ran out of petrol.

#69 – 60. Car Jokes

69. Last Father’s Day my son gave me something I always wanted: the keys to my car.

68. Don’t worry guys, my wife just turned the car radio down so we shouldn’t be lost much longer.

67. I had to stop drinking, cause I got tired of waking up in my car driving 90.

66. How does a girl from Harlem practice safe sex? She locks the car doors.

65. Uber lost over a billion dollars in the last six months so they’re asking their drivers to check between the seat cushions.

64. Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving.

63. Two fish are sitting in a tank. One looks over at the other and says: “Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?”

62. I’m like a bird… I shit on people’s cars.

61. I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.

60. A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds “Oh. I’m terribly sorry. You see, I’m so gay I can’t even park straight.”

#59 – 50. Car Jokes

59. I like when flies won’t leave my car on long road trips. Have fun moving to Kansas, you tiny idiot.

58. Sometimes, when I’m cruising the city in a $200K vehicle, I lean back and think, “If the bus driver doesn’t speed up I’ll be late for work.”

57. Guy walks into my parts store. Says “I need a gas cap for a Kia.” I said, okay, sounds like a fair trade.

56. Get a new car for your spouse – it’ll be a great trade!

55. A guy walks into an auto shop and says, “I’d like a gas cap for my KIA.” The car mechanic thinks for a few seconds then says, “Ok, that seems like a fair trade.”

54. What’s the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.

53. What’s the similarity between women and car parking spaces? The good ones are always taken, and sometimes when nobody’s looking, you slip in the disabled one

52. When Chuck Norris touched a Prius, it turned into a Ferrari

51. Two dogs are walking along a street. They are passed by a third dog driving a lorry load of logs. One turns to the other and says: “He started fetching a stick and built up the business from there.”

50. “Hey today was great” “What happened” “I ran into my ex today” “What’s so great about that?” “I was in my car”

#49 – 40. Car Jokes

49. The Best way to get back on your feet is to miss a couple of car payments!

48. I recently got a new Korean mechanic but it’s hard to understand him – he speaks with a Hyundai Accent!

47. My sister bet me I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti. U should of saw her face as I drove pasta.

46. I’m on the highway to hell, but ran over the pothole to hell and need the roadside assistance to hell.

45. My wife had her driver’s test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.

44. I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.

43. My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

42. Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

41. When Chuck crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.

40. Two blondes were driving to Disneyland. The sign said, “Disneyland Left”. So they started crying and went home.

#39 – 30. Car Jokes

39. Why did the snail paint a big “S” on his car? Because he wanted people to say look at that S car go when he rolled by.

38. Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He’s all right now.

37. Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver!

36. If you run in front of a car you’ll get tired, but if you run behind the car you’ll get exhausted.

35. Get a new car for your spouse – it’ll be a great trade!

34. A mate said he saw several elderly men repairing shoes in the back of a van. I reckon it’s a load of old cobblers.

33. If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself the accident would not have happened.

32. Yo’ Mama is so poor, she chases the garbage truck with a grocery list.

31. Chuck Norris can wipe rainwater from inside his car.

30. What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident An amputation

#29 – 20. Car Jokes

29. What do you get when you cross an Asian with a black? A car thief who can’t drive.

28. A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree He now knew how the Mercedes bends

27. Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

26. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

25. I bought a new Japanese car. I turned on the radio… I don’t understand a word they’re saying.

24. Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we’ve ever gotten to an accident site.”

23. Yo mama is so fat she turned a monster truck into a low rider.

22. I didn’t realize how bad of a driver I was until my sat nav said, “In 400 feet, do a slight right, stop, and let me out.”

21. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

20. My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.

#19 – 10. Car Jokes

19. With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it’s only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy’s truck leaves him too.

18. Isn’t it weird how when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected.

17. My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.

16. What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers? One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year.

15. I used to work at a fire hydrant factory couldn’t park nowhere near the place.

14. Cop: “Have you been out drinking?” Me: “Uh yeah, I’m 28, I’ve been out drinking literally hundreds of times.”

13. Subway is definitely the healthiest fast food available because they make you get out of the car.

12. My annoying little cousin keeps bragging about how he sleeps in a race car bed. Well, a joke’s on you, you little shit. I sleep in a real car.

11. Why are men like cars? Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.

10. Q: Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week? A: Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!

#9 – 1. Car Jokes

9. What do you call a Mexican who lost his car? Carlos.

8. When I die, I wanna go like my grandpa… peacefully… sleeping… unlike the passengers in his car.

7. Chuck Norris doesn’t need his seatbelt becouse no one is stupid enough to hit him.

6. What is a lacrosse players favorite type of car? A dodge!

5. How do you know an Asians just robbed your house? Your homework is done and he’s still trying to get out with your car.

4. Has anyone heard the news about a festival in the US where a girl got her head stuck on a truck oversized tailpipe? Apparently she was exhausted…

3. Question: Why are hurricanes sometimes named after women? Answer: When they come they’re wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

2. What’s worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing Taxi.

1.Two cheese trucks ran into each other. De brie was everywhere.

Ideas for the top 88 car jokes were taken from the following sources. ^[1]Worst Jokes Ever – Car Joke^[2]SuperJokes – Car Joke^[3]Jalopnik – The Ten Best Car Joke^[4]One Line Fun – Car One Liners^[5]UniJokes – The Best Car Joke