Top 40 Fighting Jokes

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Fighting is not good. However, watching a fight can be funny, especially if neither person knows how to fight. With that in mind, check out the top 40 fighting jokes.

#40 – 30. Fighting Jokes

40. When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.

39. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts

38. If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be “Alien vs Predator”?

37. If you enjoy arguing about lunches at 6 AM I can’t recommend parenting highly enough.

36. I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9. – The odds were against me.

35. Q: What is the height of stupidity?  A: 2 men sitting on a motorcycle & fighting for a window seat

34. Bob Ross fighting in Vietnam. “The’re in the happy little trees, shoot the happy little trees and bushes.”

33. I had an argument with a woman… yeah… I lost…

32. Best friends: Ready to die for each other, but will fight to the death over the last slice of pizza.

31. The eyelash and the lipstick got into a fight soon they will make up

30. My cat got in a fight. It was a catastrophe.

#29 – 20. Fighting Jokes

29. If you enjoy arguing about lunches at 6 AM I can’t recommend parenting highly enough.

28. I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

27. Q: How was copper wire invented? A: Two jews fighting over a penny.

26. Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

25. Q: Why did the two gate-builders start fighting? A: Because they were fencing.

24. Rules of fighting: 1) Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don’t bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.

23. America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.

22. What is a video game characters favorite method of brawling? Hitboxing!

21. 2 kids were fighting a boy and a girl The girl says”If you were my husband, I would poison your coffee” The boy answers”If you were my wife I would drink it”

20. Ice hockey is basically just guys wearing knife shoes fighting each other with long sticks for the last Oreo.

#19 – 10. Fighting Jokes

19. The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back.

18. Two silk worms got in a fight. It ended in a tie.

17. My dad and cancer go into a fight never saw my dad after that

16. Have hope for the future, but maybe build a bomb shelter anyway.

15. Police – “What’s your emergency?” Me – “Two girls are fighting over me.” Police – “OK, so what’s the problem?” Me – “The fat one’s winning.”

14. I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You’ll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, you won’t be able to get into the corners very well.”

13. Ice hockey is basically just guys wearing knife shoes fighting each other with long sticks for the last Oreo.

12. I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

11. What do you call a a fight between an illegal immigrant and a pedophile? Alien vs Predator.

10. What did the blind man fight in the bar? The coat rack

#9 – 1. Fighting Jokes

9. Love’s a lot like a bullet in that the exit usually causes the most damage.

8. Life is like fighting a gorilla, you don’t stop when you get tired, you stop when the gorilla does.

7. What is it called when Bill Cosby and a illegal immigrant fight? Aliens vs. Predator

6. Love’s a lot like a bullet in that the exit usually causes the most damage.

5. America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.

4. Boy calls 911. Boy: Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what’s your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning.

3. My wife and I had a two-hour fight about whether or not we were fighting.

2. Why can’t skeletons fight? They don’t have the guts

1. Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? – Because the octopus was well armed.

Ideas for the top 40 fighting jokes come from the following sources.^[1]SuperJokes – Fighting Joke^[2]Worst Jokes Ever – Fighting Joke^[3]One Line Fun – Fighting One Liners