Top 89 Drinking Quotes

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Drinking alcohol is a great way to relax and enjoy time with friends. With that in mind, check out the top 89 drinking quotes.

#89 – 80. Drinking Quotes

89. An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. – Ernest Hemingway

88. He that drinks fast, pays slow. – Benjamin Franklin

87. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. – Benjamin Franklin

86. Wine is the most healthful and most hygienic of beverages. – Louis Pasteur

85. Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy. – Frank Sinatra

84. Here’s to alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all life’s problems. – The Simpsons

83. When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.  – Henny Youngman

82. Here’s to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life. – F. Scott Fitzgerald

81. There can be nothing more frequent than an occasional drink. – Oscar Wilde

80. Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems. – Homer Simpson

#79 – 70. Drinking Quotes

79. Do you drink? Of course, I just said I was a writer. – Stephen King

78. 24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not. – H.L. Mencken

77. The problem with the designated driver program, it’s not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house. – Jeff Foxworthy

76. The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it. – Lewis Grizzard

75. I am grieved that it should be said he is my brother, and take these courses. Well, as he brews, so shall he drink, for George again. Yet he shall hear on’t, and tightly, too, an’ I live, i’faith. – Ben Johnson

74. A good writer is not necessarily a good book critic. No more so than a good drunk is automatically a good bartender. – Jim Bishop

73. I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around. – Chelsea Handler

72. I must get out of these wet clothes and into a dry Martini. – Robert Benchley

71. To some it’s a six-pack. To me it’s a Support Group. – Leo Durocher

70. Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life. – George Bernard Shaw

#69 – 60. Drinking Quotes

69. I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer. – Abraham Lincoln

68. Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with it’s just compounding the felony. – Robert Benchley

67. I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. – W.C. Fields

66. I’m on a whisky diet. I’ve lost three days already. – Tommy Cooper

65. Remember ‘I’ before ‘E’, except in Budweiser. – Professor Irwin Corey

64. If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt. – Dean Martin

63. A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts. – Steve Fergosi

62. I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day. – Frank Sinatra

61. Whisky is liquid sunshine. – George Bernard Shaw

60. You can learn a lot about a woman by getting smashed with her. – Tom Waits

#59 – 50. Drinking Quotes

59. When you’re thirty-five, you can’t take as much booze … and I always got a little violent on drink…So it was kind of self-destructive suicide side of me, which is resolving itself for the better, I believe, because I never enjoyed it… – John Lennon

58. Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts. – Finley Peter Dunne

57. Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy. – Frank Sinatra

56. I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it. – Rodney Dangerfield

55. Good people drink good beer. – Hunter S. Thompson

54. A lady came up to me one day and said ‘Sir! You are drunk’, to which I replied ‘I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober, but you will still be ugly. – Winston S. Churchill

53. Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast. – Compton Mackenzie

52. You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. – Dean Martin

51. Work is the curse of the drinking classes. – Oscar Wilde

50. Prohibition will work great injury to the cause of temperance. It is a species of intemperance within itself, for it goes beyond the bounds of reason in that it attempts to control a man’s appetite by legislation, and makes a crime out of things that are not crimes. A Prohibition law strikes a blow at the very principles upon which our government was founded. – Abraham Lincoln

#49 – 40. Drinking Quotes

49. I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. – W.C. Fields

48. Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer. – W.C. Fields

47. In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria. – Benjamin Franklin

46. What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? – W.C. Fields

45. Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. – Ernest Hemingway

44. I would rather have a free bottle in front of me than a pre-frontal lobotomy. – Dean Martin

43. Whether or not the world would be vastly benefited by a total banishment from it of all intoxicating drinks seems not now an open question. Three-fourths of mankind confess the affirmative with their tongues, and I believe all the rest acknowledge it in their hearts. – Abraham Lincoln

42. Alcohol is a way of life, alcohol is my way of life, and I aim to keep it. – Homer Simpson

41. He was a wise man who invented beer. – Plato

40. First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. – F. Scott Fitzgerald

#39 – 30. Drinking Quotes

39. Would that I were a dry well, and that the people tossed stones into me, for that would be easier than to be a spring of flowing water that the thirsty pass by, and from which they avoid drinking. – Kahlil Gibran

38. Alcohol removes inhibitions – like that scared little mouse who got drunk and shook his whiskers and shouted: Now bring on that damn cat! – Eleanor Early

37. When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place. – Jimmy Breslin

36. Without question the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. – Dave Barry

35. Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. – Amrose Bierce

34. It takes only one drink to get me drunk…..the trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth. – George Burns

33. The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. – Humphrey Bogart

32. Drinking is fun! It makes me feel horrible and sexy! – Warren Ellis

31. A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her. – W.C. Fields

30. Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. – Dave Barry

#29 – 20. Drinking Quotes

29. Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t  you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. – Drew Carey

28. Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. – Winston Churchill

27. If God had intended us to drink beer, he would have given us stomachs. – David Daye

26. Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. – Ogden Nash

25. I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it. – Mark Twain

24. I drink to make other people more interesting. – Ernest Hemingway

23. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? – Steven Wright

22. Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking. – Dave Barry

21. All right, brain. You don’t like me and I don’t like you, but let’s just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer. – Homer Simpson

20. There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren’t as good as others. – Raymond Chandler

#19 – 10. Drinking Quotes

19. The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid. – Richard Braunstein

18. If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon. – W.C. Fields

17. All is fair in love and beer. – Kurt Paradis

16. I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in 14 days I lost two weeks. – Joe E. Lewis

15. Champagne does have one regular drawback: swilled as a regular thing a certain sourness settles in the tummy, and the result is permanent bad breath. Really incurable. – Truman Capote

14. Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol. – Steve Martin

13. Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her. – W.C. Fields

12. Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time. – Catherine Zandonella

11. Pretty women make us BUY beer. Ugly women make us DRINK beer. – Al Bundy

10. I like to have a martini, Two at the very most. After three I’m under the table, after four I’m under my host. – Dorothy Parker

#9 – 1. Drinking Quotes

9. To be always intending to live a new life, but never find time to set about it – this is as if a man should put off eating and drinking from one day to another till he be starved and destroyed. – Sir Walter Scott

8. They speak of my drinking but never think of my thirst. – Scottish Proverb

7. I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. – Dorothy Parker

6. A lady came up to me one day and said ‘Sir! You are drunk’, to which I replied ‘I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly. – Winston S. Churchill

5. The biggest danger for a politician is to shake hands with a man who is physically stronger, has been drinking and is voting for the other guy. – William Proxmire

4. Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. – Dave Barry

3. When we drink we get drunk. When we get drunk we fall asleep. When we fall asleep we commit no sin. When we commit no sin we go to heaven. Sooooo, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven! – Brian O’Rourke

2. Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. – Drew Carey

1. Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. – Alex Levin

Ideas for the top 89 drinking quotes come from the following sources.^[1]Quoteland – Drinking Quote^[2]Glass with a Twist – Drinking Quote^[3]Drinkade – Drinking Quote by 35 Famous Figures Brought To You By DrinkAde