Top 96 Face Jokes

Les Listes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Your face is probably the face that you end up seeing the most often. You need to be able to laugh at yourself. With that in mind, check out the top 96 face jokes.

#96 – 90. Face Jokes

96. A horse walked into a bar. The bartender asked, “Why the long face?” The horse responded, “I finally realize that my alcoholism is disrupting my life at home and driving my family apart.”

95. I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader. The look on her face was priceless.

94. I don’t know where you got your face from, but i hope you have the receipt.

93. What is grey and hairy and lives on a man’s face? A mousetache.

92. A horse walks into a bar… The barman asks “Why the long face?” The horse replies “I just found out I’ve got AIDS.”

91. First Witch: I like your toad. He always has such a nice expression on his face. Second Witch: It’s because he’s a hoptimist.

90. Louise was watching her big sister covering her face with cream. “What’s that for?” she asked. “To make me beautiful,” came the reply. Louise then watched in silence as she wiped her face clean. “Doesn’t work, does it?” was her comment.

#89 – 80. Face Jokes

89. I just wanted to make sure my mom woke up with a big smile on her face. Now i’m not allowed to play with sharpies anymore.

88. Why is your face all scratched ? My girlfriend said it with flowers. How romantic. Not really, she hit me round the head with a bunch of thorny roses !

87. Did you hear about the witch who was so ugly that when a tear rolls down her cheek it takes one look at her face and rolls straight up again?

86. Everyone in the mall had an expression of horror on their faces as the man walking past them called for his son His son’s name was Allah Akbar

85. Teacher: What a glum face, what would you say if I came to school with a face like yours ? Pupil: I d be too polite to mention it !

84. I think my wife is starting to get depressed with all this rain we’re getting. Everyday, I see her at the window with a sad look on her face. If it gets any worse I might have to let her back inside.

83. I was approved to borrow money, but then the bank found out I want to be a rapper with face tattoos Now they won’t post m’loan.

82. During the war, my Grandad faced pepper spray and mustard gas. He’s a seasoned veteran.

81. What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I’ve never had a garbanzo bean on my face.

80. A little boy came running into the kitchen. “Dad, dad,” he said, “there’s a monster at the door with a really ugly face.” “Tell him you’ve already got one,” said his father.

#79 – 70. Face Jokes

79. How did your mom know you hadn’t washed your face? I forgot to wet the soap.

78. Boy: You’ve got a face like a million dollars. Girl: Have I really? Boy: Yes ? it’s green and wrinkly.

77. The police were called to a sperm bank yesterday, after the receptionist was reportedly shot in the face They arrived to a sticky hostage situation

76. Horse trots up and says to mirror: “why the long face?” Mirror says “It’s okay, I’m just a bit reflective today.” I’ll be here all week folks.

75. Boy monster: You’ve got a face like a million dollars ! Girl monster: Have I really ? Boy monster: Yes – it’s green and wrinkly !

74. Fred’s new girlfriend uses such greasy lipstick that he has to sprinkle his face with sand to get a better grip.

73. A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Why the long face?” And the horse says, “I’ve just realized I’m a metaphysical construct within a fictional narrative and will cease to exist at the end of this sentence.”

72. After my prostate exam, the doctor left. The nurse came in later, with a worried look on her face, and said the three words I was dreading to hear. “Who was that?”

71. Why did Two-Face go to the mechanic? He had a Dent in his car.

70. “Waitress, can I ask you something about the menu please?” Waitress: (slaps me across the face) The men I please are none of your damn business

#69 – 60. Face Jokes

69. Beyonce was just telling me the best way to source product for my new pillow-making side-hustle. I was very surprised when she suggested punching a duck in the face. I replied – I didn’t know you could get down like that.

68. Why did the pig have ink all over his face? Because it came out of the pen.

67. What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

66. My wife has a new thing. She likes me to blow on her face while we make love…I’m not a fan

65. What is the difference between a Catholic priest and Acne? – Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

64. Q: Why was the leper hockey game cancelled? A: There was a face off in the corner

63. Never challenge death to a pillow fight unless you’re ready to face the reaper cushions

62. Witch: Doctor, I can’t help pulling ugly faces. Doctor: Well there’s nothing terrible about that. Witch: It is when the people with ugly faces don’t like them being pulled.

61. Ever get punched in the face by someone wearing a ring? It leaves a lasting impression

60. I used to have freckles on my face, but they faded over time…I now draw them back, one by one. I think self-respeck is important.

#59 – 50. Face Jokes

59. I never forget a face, but in your case I ll make an exception.

58. “It’s a boy!” I shouted, with tears rolling down my face. “It’s a boy! I don’t believe it!” And it was at that point that I resolved never to visit Thailand again.

57. When my wife wanted me to stop singing stayin’ alive I just laughed in her face Ah, ha, ha, ha

56. I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

55. My wife told me that she would smash my face into the keyboard if I didn’t stop being misogynist…And that’s when I let her know that I’m the Man of the House, the King of the Castle, the Lord of the Mancjkkf no jskslskf d j.lo alsjdj djdjslai48 err is shwks9ri3jekdo 3irbdjdibsks.

54. So Tekashi69 could face life in prison Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence

53. My friend was asking for Halloween costume ideas, and I told him he could pull off a good Two-Face. He said, “Really?” I said, “Yeah, you just have to make one half look good!”

52. I bought a racehorse today, I called it “My Face” I don’t care if he doesn’t win, I just want a bunch of people shouting “Come on my face”

51. Do you know Imagine Dragons Yeah Imagine Dragon my nuts across your face

50. There are some things that you just cannot say with a straight face. “I am having a stroke” is one that comes to mind.

#49 – 40. Face Jokes

49. A horse walked into a bar. The bartender asked, “Why the long face?” The horse responded, “I finally realize that my alcoholism is disrupting my life at home and driving my family apart.”

48. The face of a child can say it all. Especially the mouth part of the face.

47. Whether she kicks you in the groin or sits on your face…Taint gonna happen either way.

46. I walked past a temple in Nepal and a Monk blew smoke in my face. I couldn’t believe it. I was incensed.

45. Your face is like the sun It burns my eyes

44. A horse walks into a bar… The barman asks “Why the long face?” The horse replies “I just found out I’ve got AIDS.”

43. Patient: The trouble is, doctor, I keep pulling ugly faces. Doctor: Don’t worry, I don’t expect anyone will notice.

42. Yo mama like a penny: two faced, worthless and in everybody’s pants

41. Why is the nose in the middle of your face? Because its the scenter

40. My wife was really scared when I said: Police! Freeze! She kicked me in the face. Guess I won’t go undercover again.

#39 – 30. Face Jokes

39. What’s the difference between a zit and a catholic priest? a zit waits until youre 12 to come on your face

38. What is the hottest part of a man’s face? His sideburns.

37. When Trump said “We’re going to put a man on the face of the moon” last night, he meant he wants his Space Force to laser-etch his face onto the moon Get ready for Moont Rushmore

36. Mommy, all the kids at school say I”m a werewolf! Is that true? “No, of course not. Now shut up and comb your face.”

35. Fred: You have the face of a saint. Jill: Really? Which one? Fred: A Saint Bernard.

34. Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One of them takes a stick, draws a line in the sand, and says to the other, “If you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face!” That was the punchline.

33. Why is your nose in the middle of your face? Because it is the scenter (centre).

32. What happened when the witch went for a job as a TV presenter? The producer said she had the perfect face for radio.

31. My girlfriend kept telling me she was going to break up with me if I didn’t stop quoting the song I’m a Believer by The Monkees, but I thought she was just kidding…Then I saw her face.

30. Sean Connery once asked his wife to sit on his face. Once.

#29 – 20. Face Jokes

29. I hate 2 faced people because I don’t know which face to slap first.

28. Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.

27. A group of pirates walked out of a strip club with disappointed looks on their faces. They were hoping to find some booty, but all they got were sunken chests.

26. The doctor looked at me with a concerned look on his face and rasped, “Sir, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards.” I screamed, “AND!?”

25. Anyone can bring a smile to your face Especially when you push them down the stairs

24. A woman just back from Arizona was telling her friends about the trip. “When my husband first saw the Grand Canyon, his face dropped a mile,” she said. “Why, was he disappointed with the view?” “No, he fell over the edge.”

23. Punched someone in the face dressed as the Duracell Bunny Got charged with battery

22. Fred: Do you like my new hairstyle? Harry: In as much as it covers most of your face, yes.

21. I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

20. My wife told me to go and get some pills that help with an erection….You should’ve seen her face when I tossed her some diet pills.

#19 – 10. Face Jokes

19. Why do they call him Lord Vader? Because no one could keep a straight face calling him Master Vader.

18. I saw a guy today with soot all over his face carrying a large pick axe and wearing a royal blue hardhat that matched his overalls. But these are just miner details.

17. I had what I thought was a stupid look on my face so I held the look and peeked in the mirror. Turns out I’m not as stupid as I looked.

16. Counselor: Wash your face. I can see what you had for breakfast. Henry: If you re so smart, what did I have? Counselor: Eggs. Henry: Wrong. I had eggs yesterday!

15. Q. What do me and a mirror have in common? A. When we see your face we both crack up!

14. You can read his mind in his face. Yes, it’s usually a complete blank.

13. Wife to Husband: I ll have you know I’ve got the face of a teenager! Husband to Wife: Then you should give it back, you re wearing it out.

12. Fred: Your sister uses too much make-up. Harry: Do you think so? Fred: Yes. It’s so thick that if you tell her a joke, five minutes after she’s stopped laughing her face is still smiling!

11. My teacher’s got a pretty face if you can read between the lines.

10. Trudeau’s black face picture has gotten a lot of attention But should we care if it’s Trudeau?

#9 – 1. Face Jokes

9. I can’t face my problems. Because my face is the problem.

8. Fred: You’ve got a Roman nose. Harry: Like Julius Caesar? Fred: No, it’s roamin all over your face.

7. Here’s something that will make you smile. Your face muscles.

6. I woke up this morning and my wife said “turn and face me” I replied “I’m not ready to face my problems yet”

5. What’s the downside to cumming on the face of the girl you like? Having to clean the monitor.

4. Two boys were watching TV when the fabulous face and figure of Pamela Anderson appeared on the screen. “if I ever stop hating girls,” said one to the other, “I think I ll stop hating her first.”

3. I didn’t want to believe the racist man in the brown face was the Prime Minister of Canada It’s Trudeau!

2. How do you punch 40 kids in the face at once? Hit them with a “sandy hook”.

1. So my friend decided to get a face tattoo of her favorite Star Wars character You should’ve seen the Luke on her face.

Ideas for the top 96 face jokes come from the following sources.^[1]Upjoke – Face Joke^[2]Upjoke – Long Face Joke^[3]Worst Jokes Ever – Face Joke^[4]Funny Jokes – Funny Face Joke