Top 100 Short Jokes

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Great things come in small packages. That isn’t any different with jokes. With that in mind, check out the top 100 short jokes.

#100 – 90. Short Jokes

100. Will the cat eat its meal without pulling a stunt? I am not a gymnast instructor, but I know the cartwheel.

99. A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand and says, “Make me one with everything.”

98. I tried to sure the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.

97. Why did the soccer player take so long to eat dinner? Because he thought he couldn’t use his hands.

96. What did the policeman say to his hungry stomach? “Freeze. You’re under a vest.”

95. I am tired of the constant ups and downs in my life, so I got to stop using the stairs.

94. Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.

93. Ladies looking for the fruit of the womb, even after having a man, should let that mango!

92. How did the bird break into the house? It came with a crow bar!

91. Why did the M&M go to school? He wanted to be a Smartie.

90. What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats.

#89 – 80. Short Jokes

89. What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison!

88. What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4k? HDMI.

87. What’s a cat’s favorite dessert? A bowl full of mice-cream.

86. Why do birds fly south in the winter? It’s faster than walking!

85. You know what I saw today? Everything I looked at.

84. How do trees get online? They just log on!

83. Sandy’s mum has four kids; North, West, East. What is the name of the fourth child? Sandy, obviously!

82. If we shouldn’t eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge?

81. You can only get spoiled milk from a pampered cow.

80. Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.

#70 – 70. Short Jokes

79. My sign language teacher advised me to practice frequently because her lessons may come in handy

78. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick!

77. A plateau is the highest form of flattery.

76. What do you call a gazelle in a lion’s territory? Denzel.

75. Here, I bought you a calendar. Your days are numbered now.

74. How does a rabbi make coffee? Hebrews it!

73. Some people think prison is one word…but to robbers it’s the whole sentence.

72. Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.

71. Two fish are sitting in a tank. One looks over at the other and says: “Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?”

70. I’m addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want.

#69 – 60. Short Jokes

69. What is fast, loud and crunchy? A rocket chip.

68. What did one plate say to his friend? Tonight, dinner’s on me!

67. What did one traffic light say to the other? Stop looking at me, I’m changing!

66. Where does the sheep get his hair cut? The baa baa shop!

65. Can someone please shed more light on how my lamp got stolen?

64. It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

63. What is Forrest Gump’s password? 1Forrest1.

62. Want to hear a construction joke? Oh never mind, I’m still working on that one.

61. I have many jokes about rich kids—sadly none of them work.

60. Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw!

#59 – 50. Short Jokes

59. I hate Russian dolls… they’re so full of themselves!

58. What did 1 say to 7? Nice cap!

57. My girlfriend treats me like a god. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

56. What do you call bears with no ears? B.

55. Why did the gym close down? It just didn’t work out!

54. Where did the music teacher leave her keys? In the piano!

53. Name the kind of tree you can hold in your hand? A palm tree!

52. Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.

51. Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

50. Why are snails slow? Because they’re carrying a house on their back.

#49 – 40. Short Jokes

49. What do you call a couple of chimpanzees sharing an Amazon account? PRIME-mates.

48. Rest in peace boiling water. You will be mist!

47. Why do French people eat snails? They don’t like fast food!

46. Which superhero hits home runs? Batman!

45. What do kids play when their mom is using the phone? Bored games.

44. What do you call an ant who fights crime? A vigilANTe!

43. What do you call a singing laptop? A Dell!

42. What do birds give out on Halloween? Tweets.

41. A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. He’s now a seasoned veteran.

40. What did 0 say to 8? Nice belt!

#39 – 30. Short Jokes

39. Why did the orange stop? It ran out of juice!

38. I hate Russian dolls…so full of themselves.

37. Why are ghosts such bad liars? Because they are easy to see through.

36. Tom is the weakest in my class, everyone dared him more than letters

35. I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.

34. I invented a new word today: Plagiarism.

33. What’s Thanos’ favorite app on his phone? Snapchat.

32. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

31. What do bees say when they see an overhyped event? “What’s all the buzz is about.”

30. Vegetarians don’t always need to purchase their vegetables because their boss also award them with compensatory leave

#29 – 20. Short Jokes

29. I never make mistakes. …I thought I did once, but I was wrong.

28. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells!

27. What’s red and moves up and down? A tomato in an elevator!

26. The path of a con is a difficult maze to understand.

25. What does the man in the moon do when his hair gets too long? Eclipse it!

24. “What did one plate say to his friend? Tonight, dinner’s on me!”

23. Why doesn’t the sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees!

22. What is sticky and brown? A stick!

21. I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.

20. What has ears but cannot hear? A cornfield.

#19 – 10. Short Jokes

19. What did the lava say to his girlfriend? “I lava you!”

18. How does the ocean say hi? It waves!

17. What’s the difference between my ex and the titanic? The titanic only went down on 1,000 people.

16. Where do fish sleep? In the riverbed.

15. Hummingbirds usually hum when speaking because they don’t know the words to use.

14. What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper!

13. It’s cleaning day so naturally, I’ve already polished off a whole chocolate bar.

12. I am going to make her love me, my credit score is the only bad thing about me but I’ll make sure I get her a-lone!

11. How do you throw a space party? You planet!

10. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine.

#9 – 1. Short Jokes

9. Why is she called llene? She stands on equal legs.

8. What’s the smartest insect? A spelling bee!

7. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because she was stuffed.

6. What do you call a guy who’s really loud? Mike.

5. Talk is cheap? Have you ever talked to a lawyer?

4. Where are average things manufactured? The satisfactory.

3. What do you call a pony with a cough? A little horse!

2. What are a shark’s two most favorite words? Man overboard!

1.  What does a storm cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear.

Ideas for the top 100 short jokes come from the following sources.^[1]BestLife – 50 Funny Short Joke That Guarantee a Laugh^[2]Parade – 200 Short Joke That Will Have You Laughing Your Socks Off^[3]Ponly – 100 short joke^[4]Distractify – The 40 Funniest Short Joke: These Are Too Clever!