Top 61 Death Jokes

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Death is inevitable. It is the only thing that we know we all will experience. With that in mind, check out the top 61 death jokes.

#61 – 60. Death Jokes

61. A woman on death row was asked what she wanted for her last meal “I don’t know, what do you want?”

60. Humans are scared of hippos because they are violent and responsible for hundreds of deaths per year But people kill way more people per year so that’s just being hippocritical.

#59 – 50. Death Jokes

59. What does a programmer say before his imminent death? bye world

58. Scientists discovered that death is actually caused by moss buildup in veins, which stops the flow of blood. This is why Keith Richards is still alive.

57. Why did the lion choke to death? Because he bit off more than he could chew

56. An unborn child was charged with a crime it didn’t commit and sentenced to death Both sides argued it was a miscarriage of justice.

55. A man admitted to beating a cow to death in a rice field with two porcelain figures, Cops say this is the first known case of a Knick Knack Patty Wack.

54. An elderly British woman was found beaten to death on a bus in Detroit. Reportedly, her last words were: “Pardon me, do you know where I can buy some knickers?”

53. People always told my dad that his pride would be the death of him and sure enough, he was eaten by his favorite lion just last Wednesday

52. I pre ordered death on Amazon it feels like it’s taking a lifetime to come

51. My favorite ice cream flavor is Death By Chocolate…Because it satisfies two cravings at once

50. A lady went to fake her death to fool her boyfriend, she bought some jam and prepared…The boyfriend came home and immediately knew she was faking it. The lady frowned and asked “How did you know?” The man chuckled lightly and said “you used blueberry”

#49 – 40. Death Jokes

49. What Comes After Death? The Mortician if you’re unlucky.

48. Whats the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead hookers, i don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

47. What’s an anarchist’s most likely cause of death? Prostate cancer

46. What did the death-row inmate say to the soft-spoken governor? I beg your pardon.

45. Death can’t be that bad. At least no one has complained about it happening to them yet

44. William came home from the doctor looking very worried. “What is it? asked his wife. “What’s the problem?” “Well, the doctor told me I have to take one of these pills every day for the rest of my life,” explained William. “So what?” his wife replied. “Lots of people have to do that.” “I know. But he only gave me four pills.”

43. I know how to cheat death Stay at the living room

42. What do you call a death that is caused by an earthquake? Death by Default

41. Never challenge Death to a pillow fight, Unless you are prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

40. How to fake your own death. Become a famous YouTuber and stop uploading for months.

#39 – 30. Death Jokes

39. Can we stop the conspiracy theories on Epstein’s death? It was a normal suicide, because he had nothing to live for. “This post is supported and paid for by the Clinton Foundation”

38. A man crashed and burned to death last night during a police chase. He was incarcinerated.

37. My wife and I agreed to have each other cremated upon our deaths. That’s when I knew we were a ‘match’ for one another.

36. Did you hear about the Chinese guy who faked his own death? Nobody bereaved him.

35. What did the man say to the Queen after she told him he was to be put to death by guillotine? “So no head?”

34. What’s the shortest death sentence? “Arghh.”

33. Most of the people against death penalty aren’t against the concept…They are just against the execution.

32. If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have? 10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.

31. What was the cause of the musicians death? (don’t know if it’s been posted before) Organ failure

30. If the wages of sin are death Do women get paid 30% less death?

#29 – 20. Death Jokes

29. As you may know, we have approached the 10th anniversary on the death of Michael Jackson…I think we should pause and think of all those he’s touched.

28. From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, “One month after I die I want you to marry Samy.” “Samy! But he is your enemy !” “Yes, I know that ! I’ve suffered all these years so let him suffer now .”

27. What do you call a death match between E.T. and a nerd with no social life? Alien versus Redditor.

26. A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge asks, “First offender?” Woman responds, “No, Your Honor. First a Gibson, then a Fender.” I just heard this one, so sorry if it’s a repeat.

25. If I die before you, have I beat you to death?

24. Death walks into a blind watchmaker’s shop. All the watches in the store were stolen, but the watchmaker is still sitting by the register. Death looks around the store, sighs and says, “Can’t you see you’re out of time?”

23. Fatty and skinny were in a bed. Fatty rolled over and skinny was dead.

22. Three days after the death of Jesus Mary, after visiting the tomb runs to the disciples and says “He’s gone! Jesus’s body has disappeared.” Simon: “Maybe he was given UpJesus” Mary: “What’s UpJesus?” Jesus {Risen}: “Not much. What’s up with you”

21. I was a little taken aback when I got my receipt from the funeral parlor, on the bottom of the receipt, after the bill, it read, “Thank you. Please come again.”

20. I’m not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and i’m not gonna die the same way.

#19 – 10. Death Jokes

19. Who’s the only organization with a higher death rate than PETA? The Make-A-Wish foundation.

18. Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either

17. Would you like to hear a joke about prisoners who have been spending years in the death row? Sorry, still having problems with the execution.

16. How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb? Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark

15. An old survivor of the Auschwitz death camp dies and goes to heaven. Passing through the Pearly Gates he tells god a holocaust joke to which god replies, “I don’t find that funny.” The old survivor says, “Well…I guess you had to be there.”

14. Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, “You’re next.” They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

13. On her death bed, the last words that my grandma told my grandpa was, “Honey, I’ll see you in heaven!” Since then, he’s been kicking puppies and robbing stores every day.

12. All causes of death are…liver failure

11. My friend met Terry Crews and made fun of him so Terry beat him to death The coroner says he died from dysentery

10. Why wasn’t the scale factor afraid of a premature death? Because it knew it would dilate

#9 – 1. Death Jokes

9. What do we say to the Good of Death? Noot today

8. What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies I dont have a Lamborghini in my garage

7. My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

6. My friends and I were given the death penalty We pleaded to the judge that if we die, we die together. So instead of sending us one by one with an electric chair, they brought the electric couch. I guess we’re about to get execushioned.

5. A man is on is death sentence and he gets to choose his last meal He asks his guard for a McDonald’s Ice Cream, and lives a very long life, they never found a working machine.

4. I think the death penalty is a good idea…If executed properly.

3. I love Harry Potter but after re-reading the chapter the death-day party I realized something about nearly headless nick He was a very poorly executed character

2. A man is lying on his death bed and asks the nurse for a priest. “Do you want to confess?” the nurse asks. “No ,” replies the man, “I want to molest a minor and need the advice of an expert.”

1. What do Millennials and Tarzan falling to his death have in common? “I miss Vine.”

Ideas for the top 61 death jokes come from the following sources.^[1]upjoke – Death Joke^[2]great clean jokes^[3]Reader’s Digest – Death Joke^[4]Worst Jokes Ever – Dead Jokes