Top 101 Blonde Jokes

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Blondes have a reputation for not being the smartest out there. With that in mind, check out below for the top 101 best dumb blonde jokes.

#101 – 90. Blonde Jokes

101. How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

100. How come it takes so long to build a blonde snowman? Because you have to hollow out the head.

99. What do blondes do when their laptop freezes? Microwave them.

98. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? I wonder if it’s mine.

97. How can you make a blonde go on the roof? Tell her that drinks are on the house.

96. Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

95. How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day? Hand her a bottle of shampoo that says “lather, rinse, repeat.”

94. How can you tell when a brunette is actually a blonde who dyes her hair? When she trips over the cordless phone.

93. Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Someone told her drinks were on the house.

92. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawnmower? The green WELCOME mat is ripped all to shreds.

91. How does a psychic refer to a blonde? Light reading.

90. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.

#89 – 80. Blonde Jokes

89. Why did the blond quit his job as a restroom attendant? He couldn’t figure out how to refill the hand dryer.

88. Where do you look for blonds’ obituaries? Under “Home Improvements.”

87. Why can’t a blonde dial 911? She can’t find the eleven.

86. Q: Why did God give blondes 2 more brain cells than horses? A: So they don’t shit in the parade.

85. Q: How is a blonde like peanut-butter? A: They spread for the bread.

84. Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists? A: The rest are hunt’n peckers.

83. Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common? A: They both swallowed a lot of semen.

82. The other blonde replies, ‘You are on the other side!’

81. How did the blond explain how his helicopter crashed? He said it was getting cold, so he turned off the ceiling fan.

80. I got a compliment on my driving today said a blonde to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.

#79 – 70. Blonde Jokes

79. One yells to the other, ‘How do you get to the other side?’

78. What do screen doors and blondes have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.

77. Three blondes girls were walking in the woods and came upon tracks. The first one said, “Look, it’s deer tracks.” The second one said, “No, it’s wolf tracks” and before the third one could answer, they got hit by a train.

76. A man walks by a blonde, who is holding a pig. The man asks, “Where did you get her?” The pig answers, “I won her at the fair.”

75. Q: Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? A: Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards

74. Did you hear about the blond who gave his cat a bath? He still hasn’t gotten all the hair off his tongue.

73. What’s the difference between a pregnant blonde and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb.

72. Why did the blond take his new scarf back to the store? It was too tight.

71. How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde? It is the one with the kickstand.

70. How did the blonde die drinking milk? The cow fell on her.

#69 – 60. Blonde Jokes

69. How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.

68. Two blondes are facing each other across a wide stream.

67. How did the blonde die while raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.

66. Why did it take the blond a whole week to wash three basement windows? It took him six days just to dig the holes to put the ladder in.

65. How do you keep a blonde busy for hours? Write ‘Please turn over’ on both sides of a piece of paper.

64. What do UFO’s and smart blondes have in common? You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

63. Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde? A: Butter is difficult to spread.

62. Three blondes are sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is sucking hers, one is biting hers, one is licking hers. Which one is married? The one with the wedding ring, YOU SICK-O!

61. Why did the blonde put water on her computer? To wash the Windows.

60. Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.

#59 – 50. Blonde Jokes

59. What did the blonde say when she saw the Cheerios box? “Omg, donut seeds!”

58. Why’d the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? She kept throwing out all the W’s.

57. What’s a blondes idea of safe sex? Lock the car doors.

56. What do a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They’re both empty from the neck up.

55. Q: What can save a dying blonde? A: Hair transplants..

54. What do you call an all-blond skydiving team? A new version of the Lawn Darts game.

53. Q: What’s the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde? A: One’s a phony buck.

52. Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said ‘concentrate’.

51. Q: Whats better than roses on a naked blonde? A: Her Tulips ( two lips ) on your organ!

50. Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead? She was desperately trying to make up her mind.

#49 – 40. Blonde Jokes

49. Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot? A: Bigfoot has been sighted.

48. A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, “I slept with a Brazilian….” The blonde replies, “Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?”

47. How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a circle and tell her to go to the corner.

46. What do the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common? They both swallow a lot of sea men (aka semen).

45. How do you drown a blonde in a submarine? Knock on the door.

44. How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

43. Why do blondes love boob jobs? It’s really the only job they’re qualified for.

42. Q: Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room? A: They have to pull their own pants down.

41. How do you know if a blonde’s been using your computer? You’ll find Wite Out all over the screen.

40. Why were there bullet holes in the mirror? A blonde tried killing herself.

#39 – 30. Blonde Jokes

39. Q: Why do blondes always want boob jobs? A: Because it’s the only job they are qualified for.

38. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

37. Why don’t blondes talk during sex? Their moms taught them never to speak to strangers.

36. Why do blondes wear underwear? To keep their ankles warm.

35. Why did the blonde get so excited about finishing a jigsaw puzzle in six months? Because the box said it was for “2 to 4 years.”

34. What’s every blonde’s dream in life? To be like Vanna White and actually learn the alphabet.

33. Why can’t blondes make ice cubes? They always forget the recipe.

32. Three blondes walk into a building. You’d think one of them would’ve seen it.

31. How do you make a blonde’s eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in her ears.

30. Q: What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? A: She sticks it in the microwave!

#29 – 20. Blonde Jokes

29. What do you call a really smart blonde? A golden retriever.

28. Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.

27. What do you call a blond with an actual brain? A golden retriever.

26. Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, ‘It’s dark in here isn’t it?’ The other replied, ‘I don’t know; I can’t see.’

25. Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A: When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.

24. Blonde: What does IDK stand for? Brunette: I don’t know Blonde: Why doesn’t anyone know!

23. A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, It got cold so I turned off the fan.

22. Q: Why do blondes take the pill? A: So they know what day of the week it is.

21. What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it? A thought.

20. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets!

#19 – 10. Blonde Jokes

19. What’s the advantage of being married to a blond? You can park in handicapped zones.

18. Q: Why did the blonde get blown up into pieces A: Because she bought a Palestinian Blow Up Doll from the Sex Shop

17. Q: Why are blondes bad at Hide and Seek? A: Because they can never find the sausage.

16. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

15. Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver’s License? A: Because she got an “F” in sex.

14. What happened to the blonde tap dancer? She slipped off and fell down the drain.

13. Q: How does a blonde turn on the light after sex? A: Opens the car door.

12. Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? To see what was on the other side.

11. Why did the blonde put her iPad in the blender? She was trying to make apple juice.

10. Why do blondes make awful bank robbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.

#9 – 1. Blonde Jokes

9. What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials? Double-dumb.

8. Why did the blonde put condoms on her ears? To avoid getting hearing AIDS.

7. What do blondes and dog shit have in common? The older they get, the easier it is to pick them up.

6. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? A: Her IQ goes up!

5. Q: Why do blondes wear panties? A: To keep their ankles warm.

4. Why do blondes hold their hands tightly over their ears? Because they’re desperately trying to hold in a thought.

3. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? Pregnant.

2. Q: How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day? A: Give her a bottle of shampoo which says “lather, rinse, repeat.”

1. A blonde decided to paint a room. When her husband got home, he asked, ‘Why are you wearing an Alaskan and a winter coat?’ She replied, ‘The can said for best results apply 2 coats.’

Ideas for the top 101 blonde jokes were taken from the following sources.^[1]Pun.me – 40 Hilarious Short Blonde Joke to make you feel smart!^[2]Thought Catalog – 30 Dumb Blonde Joke That Will Actually Make You LOL^[3]Utah.edu – Blond Joke^[4]Jokes 4 Us – Blonde Joke^[5]Jokes 4 Us – Dumb Blonde Joke