Top 101 Computer Jokes

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You might think that computers are not very funny. Well you are wrong! Computers are very funny and can be part of a great joke. Reboot your thinking with these top 101 computer jokes!

#101 – 90. Computer Jokes

101. CAPS LOCK – Preventing Login Since 1980.

100. Q: What did the computer do at lunchtime? A: Had a byte!

99. PATIENT: Doctor, I need your help. I’m addicted to checking my Twitter! DOCTOR: I’m so sorry, I don’t follow.

98. What should you do after your Nintendo game ends in a tie? A. Ask for a Wii-match!

97. What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh.

96. I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

95. Q: What do you get when you cross a computer and a life guard? A: A screensaver!

94. Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

93. My attitude isn’t bad. It’s in beta.

92. Unix is user friendly. It’s just selective about who its friends are.

91. The guy who invented auto-correct for smart phones passed away today. Restaurant in peace.

90. Q: How can you tell if a computer geek is an extrovert?

#89 – 80. Computer Jokes

89. Q: What is another name for a computer virus? A: A terminal illness

88. Mom: How make chicken. Daughter: What? Mom: Where buy chicken Daughter: Mom, this isn’t Google. Mom: Avocado

87. There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

86. I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. They told me I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.

85. Mac users swear by their Mac, PC users swear at their PC.

84. How do you know if a blonde has been using a computer? There’s whiteout on the screen.

83. How did the spider destroy the (worldwide) web? It gave it a bug.

82. Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product.

81. What is an astronaut’s favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!

80. Q: What do you get if you take your computer to an ice rink? A: A slipped disk

#79 – 70. Computer Jokes

79. Programming is like sex, one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

78. What does a king computer do? Execute his programs!

77. What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.

76. How do you get a computer drunk? A Screenshot of Tequila.

75. We’ll we’ll we’ll…if it isn’t autocorrect.

74. A: They stare at your shoes when you talk instead of their own.

73. The box said ‘Requires Windows 95 or better’. So I installed Linux.

72. If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0

71. What is written on Steve Jobs tombstone? iCame, iSaw, iConquered, iLeft, iCameBack, iThinkDifferent, iMac, iPod, iTunes, iPhone, iPad, iCloud, iRIP

70. You know you’re texting too much when… You type ppl instead of people in a letter.

#69 – 60. Computer Jokes

69. You know you’re texting too much when… …you say LOL in real life, instead of just laughing.

68. Q: Why was the cell phone wearing glasses? A: It lost its contacts.

67. What do you call a woman you married off the internet? Wife-I.

66. I saw a driver texting and driving. It made me so mad I threw my beer at him.

65. “I feel like carp today” “Yeah, you look a little fishy”

64. Q: What did the spider do on the computer? A: Made a website!

63. Why did Jack and Jill “really” go up the hill? To get better Wi-fi.

62. Why did the computer break up with the internet? There was no “Connection”.

61. Q: Why did the programmer use the entire bottle of shampoo during one shower? A: Because the bottle said “Lather, Rinse, Repeat.”

60. Q: Why was there a bug in the computer? A: Because it was looking for a byte to eat?

#59 – 50. Computer Jokes

59. Autocorrect has become my worst enema.

58. Q: How does a network administrator nerd greet people who come to his house? A: Welcome to 127.0.0.1

57. If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBOL.

56. Why couldn’t Bill Gates get a mistress? Because he’s penis was MICROSOFT!

55. Chuck Norris didn’t survive the first night in Minecraft, the first night survived Chuck Norris.

54. With just two toothpicks, a lightbulb, and his RoundHouse Kick, Chuck Norris can override the Pentagon’s computer system.

53. You know you’re texting too much when… …you’re happy when you get stopped at a red light.

52. Q: What does a proud computer call his little son? A: A microchip off the old block.

51. What do you call it when you have your mom’s mom on speed dial? A. Instagram.

50. Q: What do you call an iPhone that isn’t kidding around? A: Dead Siri-ous

#49 – 40. Computer Jokes

49. Why can’t an elephant use a computer? He’s too afraid of the mouse.

48. What part of a computer does a spider use? The webcam.

47. Why did Mark Zuckerberg visit Beijing, China? To see the “Great Firewall”.

46. Chuck Norris can make music in Adobe Photoshop.

45. Why are iPhone chargers not called Apple Juice?!

44. What was the hipster doing at the computer? Looking in the recycling bin for something retro.

43. Have you heard of that new band “1023 Megabytes”? They’re pretty good, but they don’t have a gig just yet.

42. Why did the PowerPoint Presentation cross the road? A. To get to the other slide.

41. How does a computer get drunk? A. It takes screenshots.

40. Q: Where do all the cool mice live? A: In their mousepads

#39 – 30. Computer Jokes

39. What do you get when you cross a hamburger with a computer? A big mac!

38. My computer suddenly started belting out “Someone Like You.” It’s a Dell.

37. How are elephants and computers similar? They both have big memories.

36. You know you’re texting too much when… …you try to text, but you’re on a landline.

35. What does a baby computer calls its father? Obsolete

34. Windows Vista supports real multitasking – it can boot and crash simultaneously.

33. What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!

32. Q: What is a computer virus? A: A terminal illness!

31. Q: Why did the computer show up at work late? A: It had a 
hard drive.

30. Chuck Norris could play cd-based games on his Nintendo 64.

#29 – 20. Computer Jokes

29. Why won’t blondes take their iPhones to the bathroom? Because they don’t want to give away their IP address!

28. Thanks to autocorrect, 1 in 5 children will be getting a visit from Satan this Christmas.

27. Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.

26. Why use Linux: No Windows, no Gates, no Bill to pay.

25. What do you get if you cross a computer with a ballet dancer? The Netcracker suite.

24. Bugs come in through open Windows.

23. Q: Why did the computer keep sneezing? A: It had a virus!

22. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

21. The guy who invented predictive text died last night. His funfair is next monkey.

20. Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they don’t C#.

#19 – 10. Computer Jokes

19. To err is human – and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

18. Anyone who thinks “talk is cheap”… obviously didn’t pay my daughter’s last mobile phone bill!

17. Q: Why was the computer cold? A: It left it’s Windows open!

16. Q: What does a baby computer call his father? A: Data!

15. Why are PCs like air conditioners? They stop working properly if you open Windows!

14. If you think patience is a virtue, try surfing the net on a 14.4k dial up connection.

13. Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? A: Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.

12. What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with? He enters Nerdvana.

11. Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. It’s a hardware problem.

10. Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? A: Lots of memory!

#9 – 1. Computer Jokes

9. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

8. I like my women how I like my laptop. Sat on my lap, turned on & completely virus free.

7. What did the dentist say to the computer? This won’t hurt a byte.

6. What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell

5. Q: Why can’t cats work on the computer? A: They get too distracted chasing the mouse around.

4. In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?

3. I tried to say, “I’m a functional adult,” but my phone changed it to “fictional adult,” and I feel like that’s more accurate.

2. Why was the computer shy? Because it had hardware and software but no underware.

1. What did mommy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Ideas for the top 101 computer jokes were taken from the following sources.^[1]Reader’s Digest – Computer Joke^[2]Quick, Funny Jokes! – Nerdy Computer Geek Jokes^[3]Ducksters – Computer Joke^[4]Jokes 4 Us – Computer Joke^[5]Unijokes – The best computer joke