Top 101 Tax Jokes

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Tax season can be quite stressful. In fact, for most people it is not something that is fun. With that in mind, check out the top 101 tax jokes that will help lift up your spirits.

#101 – 90. Tax Jokes

101. Why won’t sharks attack tax inspectors? Professional courtesy.

100. The rich and the poor are alike. They both complain about taxes.

99. “I’m not going to pay taxes. When they say I’m going to prison, I’ll say no, prisons cost taxpayers a lot of money. You keep what it would have cost to incarcerate me, and we’ll call it even.”–Jimmy Kimmel

98. Did you hear about the cannibal Tax Accountant? She charges an arm and a leg.

97. ” [The federal income tax system is] a disgrace to the human race.”– Jimmy Carter

96. “Yesterday the IRS announced that obese Americans are entitled to certain tax breaks. Apparently, under the new rules, you’re allowed to claim two or more chins as dependents.”—Conan O’Brien

95. “There’s nothing wrong with the younger generation that becoming taxpayers won’t cure.”– Dan Bennett

94. For every tax problem there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated and wrong.

93. How many tax auditors does it take to find a $1.00 mistake in an expense report? Three. One to find the mistake and two to discuss the significance of it.

92. “65% of people say that cheating on your income tax is worse than cheating on your spouse. The other 35% were women.”–Jay Leno

91. An income-tax form is like a laundry list – either way you lose your shirt.

90. The guy who said that truth never hurts never had to fill out a Form 1040.

#89 – 80. Tax Jokes

89. All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the WSJ…you can deduct the cost of your house, because, in the words of U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice Warren Burger in a landmark 1979 tax decision: “Where else are you going to read the paper? Outside? What if it rains?”-Dave Barry

88. What the present income-tax form needs is a section which would explain the explanations.

87. “The IRS now says you can deduct weight loss plans off your taxes. You can write it off because the government has officially declared obesity a disease. And it’s a disease, you can deduct medical expenses. That shows what a difference an administration can make. See under Bush, obesity is a disease. Under Clinton it was just sexy.”-Jay Leno

86. Income-tax forms should be more realistic by allowing the taxpayer to list Uncle Sam as a dependent.

85. “So, it’s pretty crazy. Look, we’re bailing out Wall Street, we’re bailing out banks, we’re bailing out car companies. In fact, did you know there’s a special box on your tax form this year you can check if you want a portion of your taxes to actually go to running the government?”-Jay Leno

84. How do you know you have a great CPA? He has a tax loophole named after him.

83. The guy who said that the truth never hurts never had to fill out a form 1040.

82. The attitude of Congress toward hidden taxes is not to do away with them, but to hide them better.

81. There is no child so bad that he/she can’t be used as an income tax deduction.

80. Drive carefully. Uncle Sam needs every taxpayer he can get.

#79 – 70. Tax Joke

79. “Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what’s called a red flag. That’s something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That’s a red flag.”-Jay Leno

78. We wouldn’t mind paying income tax if we could know which country it’s going to.

77. How do you know you’ve met a good tax accountant? He has a loophole named after him.

76. “President Obama has announced a task force to review the tax codes. He’s concerned there are too many loopholes and too many people manipulating the system to avoid paying taxes. And that’s just in his administration.”–Jay Leno

75. “Every year, I include a piece of chicken in the envelope with my taxes. Not as a bribe, just a little treat for the guy at the IRS who opens it.” –Jimmy Kimmel

74. “The IRS says it’s been getting death threats since the health care bill passed because the IRS is going to be the ones in charge of implementing it. They say the threats people are making to the IRS are so bad, that they are actually hindering the IRS’s ability to threaten people.”–Jay Leno

73. Why won’t sharks attack tax inspectors? Professional courtesy.

72. Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.

71. “The government deficit is the difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect.”– Sam Ewing

70. The difference between the short and long income tax forms is simple. If you use the short form, the government gets your money. If you use the long form, the tax advisor gets your money.

#69 – 60. Tax Jokes

69. It has almost reached the point where, if a person takes a day off, he falls behind in his income-tax payments.

68. The kid had swallowed a coin and it got stuck in his throat, and so his mother ran out in the street yelling for help. A man passing by took the boy by his shoulders and hit him with a few strong strokes on the back, and so he coughed the coin out. “I don’t know how to thank you, doc…”, his mother started. “I’m not a doctor”, the man replied, “I’m from the IRS”.

67. “Another one of President Barack Obama’s nominees is having tax issues, which proves one thing: The Democrats like raising the taxes, but they hate paying them.”–Craig Ferguson

66. Some of us can recall the day when a person who had to pay income tax was considered to be wealthy.

65. People who struggle with their income tax can be divided into two categories: Men and women.

64. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

63. I’m not going to pay taxes. When they say I’m going to prison, I’ll say ‘No, prisons cost taxpayers a lot of money. You keep what it would have cost to incarcerate me, and we’ll call it even.’ (Jimmy Kimmel)

62. If my business gets much worse, I won’t have to lie on my next tax return.

61. About the time a man is cured of swearing, another income tax is due.

60. “The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don’t know when it’s through if you are a crook or a martyr.”– Will Rogers

#59 – 50. Tax Jokes

59. The government is really asking a lot of us this month – first we’re supposed to count how many people live in our home, then we’re supposed to count how much money we owe them. I actually got confused and accidentally sent a check to the census and a member of my household to the IRS. Sorry, grandma. (Jimmy Kimmel)

58. There was a time when $1000.00 was the down-payment on a car; now it’s the sales tax.

57. The tax advisor had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, “Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?”

56. I hate junk mail . . .and that includes the tax forms they send me.

55. A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something right.

54. “Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is legalized robbery.”– Calvin Coolidge

53. “When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as psychopaths, and then the rest of us.”–Jimmy Kimmel

52. America is the land of opportunity. Everybody can become a taxpayer.

51. Nothing has done more to stimulate the writing of fiction than the itemized deduction section of the income-tax forms.

50. “The hardest thing in the world to understand is the Income Tax.”– Albert Einstein

#49 – 40. Tax Joke

49. The trouble with the profession of income-tax inspectors is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.

48. Income taxes are not so bad and certainly could be worse.

47. Q: What’s the difference between death and taxes? A: Congress doesn’t meet every year to make death worse.

46. “Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”–Jimmy Kimmel

45. People who squawk about their income tax can be divided into two classes: men and women.

44. How many tax advisors does it take to change a light bulb? “In the summer there is a tax deductible convention in Hawaii, dealing exactly with this issue.”

43. The IRS suggests filing early to reduce the chance that someone will steal your identity and file before you. Honestly, if somebody wants my identity so badly they’ll file my tax return for me, go crazy. You can mow my lawn while you’re at it, too.– Jimmy Kimmel

42. A man, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds. “Excuse me,” he said, “have you lost something?” “No,” replied one of the doctors. “We’re doing a heart transplant for an income-tax inspector and want to find a suitable stone.”

41. Every year around April 15 Americans have a rendezvous with debt.

40. What’s the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist only takes the skin.

#39 – 30. Tax Jokes

39. “I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”– Mick Jagger

38. The healthcare reform bill now includes a tanning booth tax of 10 percent. You know what this means? The whole thing could be funded by the cast of “Jersey Shore”. (Jay Leno)

37. “It’s income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta.”– D. Barry

36. “Nobody likes taxes, but they’ve been around forever. Taxes date back all the way back to the year one, when baby Jesus was visited by two wise men and an IRS agent, who demanded half the family’s frankincense.”-Jimmy Kimmel

35. Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.

34. A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, “We feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile.” “Thank God,” returned the taxpayer. “I thought you were going to want cash.”

33. What is the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion? The jail walls.

32. “Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.”– Herbert Hoover

31. A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.

30. Americans are now in a daze from intaxication.

#29 – 20. Tax Jokes

29. No stretch of the imagination is as complete as the one used in filling out income-tax forms.

28. Only the little people pay taxes.Leona Helmsley, hotel owner and prison inmate, 1989

27. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

26. The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf.

25. “The healthcare reform bill now includes a tanning booth tax of 10 percent. You know what this means? This whole thing could be funded by the cast of ‘Jersey Shore.'”–Jay Leno

24. “It’s fitting that April 14 is National Pecan Day because today, we recognize nuts. And tomorrow, on April 15, we pay our taxes to support them.”-Craig Ferguson

23. “Yesterday President Obama said, ‘We can’t continue to treat tax money like monopoly money.’ Oh really — how come all those guys on Wall Street got ‘get out of jail free’ cards?”–Jay Leno

22. “Today the IRS gave some guidelines on how to avoid getting audited. Number one, don’t list deductions that will raise a red flag, Number two, make sure you file on time, Number three, don’t make any stupid anti-war speech at the Academy Awards.”—Jay Leno

21. Income-tax forms are nothing more than the government’s quiz program.

20. When making out your income-tax report, be sure you don’t overlook your most expensive dependent – the government.

#19 – 10. Tax Joke

19. “And there are a lot of new taxes coming. California state legislators want to solve our state’s giant deficit by taxing marijuana. Meanwhile, Oregon wants to increase a tax on beer, while New York wants to tax Internet porn. You know what this means? By the end of spring break, this whole thing could be paid for.”-Jay Leno

18. Question: Who makes the best detective-Sherlock Holmes, or an ATBS tax accountant? Answer: The ATBS tax accountant-we find more deductions!

17. A taxpayer is someone who works for the federal government but who doesn’t have to take a civil service examination. Ronald Reagan

16. Where there’s a will, there’s an Inheritance Tax.

15. A fool and his money are soon parted…The rest of us wait until income tax time.

14. Today was the first day you could file a tax return. If you filed a tax return today, congratulations, nerd.

13. Tax Day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.-Jimmy Kimmel

12. “On my income tax [Form] 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.”-Tom Lehrer

11. “Abracadabra, thus we learn the more you create, the less you earn. The less you earn, the more you’re given, the less you lead, the more you’re driven, the more destroyed, the more they feed, the more you pay, the more they need, the more you earn, the less you keep, And now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to take, if the tax-collector hasn’t got it before I wake.”-Ogden Nash

10. George Washington never told a lie, but then he never had to file a Form 1040.

#9 – 1. Tax Jokes

9. Golf is a lot like taxes. You drive hard to get to the green and then wind up in the hole.

8. ” [Suggested simplified tax form:] How much money did you make last year? Mail it in.”– Stanton Delaplane

7. Income tax is Uncle Sam’s version of “Truth or Consequences.”

6. How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.

5. Congress does some strange things. it puts a high tax on liquor and then raises the other taxes that drive people to drink.

4. Ambition in America is still rewarded . . . with high taxes.

3. Suppose we had to pay on what we think we are worth?

2. A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. “Our flag symbolizes our taxes,” he said. “We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them.” “That’s the same with us,” the American said, “only we see stars, too.”

1.”Today is April 1, April Fools’ Day, a day that people try to fool their friends and relatives. Don’t confuse that with April 15, when people try to fool the IRS.”–Jay Leno

Ideas for the top 101 tax jokes were taken from the following sources. ^[1]Jokes 4 Us – Death and Taxes One-Liners Jokes^[2]ATBS – TOP 10 JOKES FOR TAX SEASON^[3]Pon & Associates – Tax Joke and Quotes^[4]Work Joke – Funny Tax Advisors and Tax Auditors Jokes^[5]Unijokes – The Best Tax Joke