Top 101 Weather Jokes

101. Which weather features do druggies like most? Highs

100. Q: What bow can’t be tied? A: A rainbow!

99. Why is the sky not happy on clear days? It has the blues

98. What are the hottest days during summer? Sun-days

97. Q: Why are native Americans effective strippers? A: When they dance they make it rain.

96. Why don’t tornadoes watch Bill O Reilly on FOXNEWS? It is a no spin zone

95. Q: What’s the difference between a horse and the weather? A: One is reined up and the other rains down.

94. Q: What did the thermometer say to the other thermometer? A: You make my temperature rise.

93. Why do hurricanes travel so fast? Because if they travelled slowly, we’d have to call them slow-i-canes.

92. Q: How does a hurricane see? A: With its eye.

91. If a band plays music in a thunderstorm, who is most likely to get hit by lightning? The conductor.

90. Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days? Because then the children have to play inside.

#89 – 80. Weather Jokes

89. Q: What goes up when the rain comes down? A: An Umbrella.

88. How did you find the weather at camp? It was easy. I just went outside – and there it was!

87. Q: How is a man like the weather? A: Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

86. Why did the updraft get pulled over? It was speeding in a high shear zone

85. What person adds best in hot weather? A summer.

84. How do rain drops marry? They coalesce

83. Q: What do you call a wet bear? A: A drizzly bear

82. Which weather features do druggies like most? Highs

81. Q: Can Bees fly in the rain? A: Not without their yellow jackets.

80. Q: What did the tornado say to the sports car? A: Want to go for a spin!

#79 – 70. Weather Jokes

79. What kind of umbrella does the Queen of England carry on a rainy day? A wet one.

78. Why did the weather want privacy? It was changing

77. Q: What did one volcano say to the other volcano? A: I lava you!

76. Q: What did the lightning bolt say to the other lightning bolt? A: You’re shocking!

75. Who is it that everybody listens to but nobody believes? The weatherman.

74. Where is a tornado put in jail to be punished? In a high pressure cell

73. Q: What’s a tornado’s favorite game? A: Twister!

72. Q: What type of cloud is so lazy, because it will never get up? A: Fog!

71. What is a tornado? Mother nature doing the twist!

70. Chuck Norris can create tornados by running around in circles.

#69 – 60. Weather Jokes

69. Two weathermen each broke an arm and a leg in an accident, and called from the hospital about the four casts.

68. Q: Whatever happened to the cow that was lifted into the air by the tornado? A: Udder disaster!

67. Why do raindrops like lightning at night? So they can see where they are going

66. Q: What’s the difference between a horse and the weather? A: One is reined up and the other rains down.

65. Q: Where do snowmen keep their money? A: In a snow bank.

64. It only rains twice a year in Seattle: August through April and May through July.

63. Q: What did one raindrop say to the other? A: Two’s company, three’s a cloud

62. Q: Did you hear the joke about an Earthquake and Japanese nuclear reactor? A: Not cool.

61. Why did the tornado get arrested? For speeding, theft, vandalism, assault and murder

60. What do freezing rain and cake icing have in common? Both are a glaze

#59 – 50. Weather Jokes

59. What is a hurricane’s favorite pet? Anywhere from 1 to 5 cats

58. Q: What’s worse than an earthquake ravaging a city? A: The ensuing Tsunami washing everything away!

57. What type of sense of humor does a dust storm have? A very dry sense of humor

56. How did the hail stone describe it’s life? It really has a lot of ups and downs

55. How can you tell if a tornado is stupid? If it spins anti-cyclonically

54. Q: Why did the man use ketchup in the rain? A: Because it was raining cats and hot dogs

53. Q: What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A: A cloud!

52. There’s a technical term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days. It’s called Monday.

51. What did Santa Claus’s wife say during a thunderstorm? Come and look at the rain, dear.

50. Why were the vets and pounds mad? It was raining cats and dogs

#49 – 40. Weather Jokes

49. Q: Why are hurricanes sometimes named after women? A: When they come they’re wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

48. Thunder is caused by Chuck Norris rubbing the stubble on his chin.

47. Q: What did the hail storm say to the roof? A: Hang onto your shingles, this will be no ordinary sprinkles.

46. Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? A: Pilgrims!

45. Q: What type of lightning likes to play sports? A: Ball lightning!

44. Q: What is the opposite of a cold front? A: A warm back

43. Q: What falls but never hits the ground? A: The temperature!

42. Jill: How did you find the weather on your vacation? Bill: I just went outside and there it was!

41. What did the fog say to the light rain after her vacation? I mist you.

40. What is the most popular game played by tornadoes? Catch my drift

#39 – 30. Weather Jokes

39. Q: When does it rain money? A: When there is “change” in the weather.

38. How do sheep keep warm in winter? Central bleating!

37. Yo Momma so fat, she rolled out of bed and everybody thought there was an earthquake.

36. Yo mama so fat when she burped New Orleans thought Katrina came back to finish the job.

35. Q: What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? A: Thunderwear!

34. Q: Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open? A: Because she expected some change in the weather.

33. What doesn’t get any wetter no matter how much it rains? The ocean

32. Why do tornadoes move so erratically? They are dizzy

31. Q: What is a Queens favorite kind of precipitation? A: Reign!

30. Q: What does it do before it rains candy? A: It sprinkles!

#29 – 20. Weather Jokes

29. What type of wind is named after Santa Claus’s warm climate cousin? Santa Ana

28. Q: What is a king’s favorite kind of precipitation? A: Hail!

27. Q: How hot is it? A: It’s so hot, when I turned on my lawn sprinkler, all I got was steam!

26. Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!

25. Vaginas are like weather. When it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.

24. Q: How are women and tornadoes alike? A: They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they go.

23. What game do tornadoes like to play? Twister

22. Q: What did the cloud say to the lightning bolt? A: You’re shocking!

21. What’s the difference between weather and climate? You can’t weather a tree, but you can climate!

20. Q: What happens when fog lifts in California? A: UCLA!

#19 – 10. Weather Jokes

19. Q: What is the Mexican weather report? A: Chili today and hot tamale.

18. Q: What do you call two straight days of rain in Seattle? A: A weekend.

17. If six children and two dogs were under an umbrella, how come none of them got wet? Because it wasn’t raining.

16. Why did your sister cut a hole in her new umbrella? Because she wanted to be able to tell when it stopped raining.

15. Q: Who does everyone listen to, but no one believes? A: The weather reporter

14. How do you spot a happy motorcyclist in fair weather? He’s got bugs on his teeth.

13. Chuck Norris doesn’t sweat. He forces the air around him to cry and uses it’s tears to cool himself.

12. Q: Why does Snoop dog need an umbrella? A: Fo’ Drizzle.

11. What did one tornado say to the other? “Let’s twist again, like we did last summer….”

10. What did the thermometer say to the other thermometer? You make my temperature rise.

#9 – 1. Weather Jokes

9. What is hail? Hard boiled rain!

8. There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

7. Q: What is the sound of Chuck Norris clapping one hand? A: Thunder.

6. What’s the difference between a horse and the weather? One is reined up and the other rains down.

5. Despite popular belief, there is no such thing as a tornado. Chuck Norris just doesn’t like trailer parks.

4. Q: What did the evaporating raindrop say? A: I’m going to pieces.

3. Q: Why is sex like a thunderstorm? A: “You never know how many inches you’ll get and how long it’ll last.”

2. Q: What’s the difference between a horse and the weather? A: One is reined up and the other rains down.

1. Why is it so wet in Great Britain? Because of all the kings and queens that reigned there.