Top 41 Military Jokes
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Military jokes are funny for both soldiers and civilians as well. No matter what branch you were in or support such as the Air Force, Navy, Marines, or Army, these top 41 military jokes are bound to make you laugh!
Table of Contents
#41 – 40. Military Jokes
41. What Branch of the Military Do Babies Join? The infantry!
40. What happened when the soldier went into an enemy bar? He got bombed.
#39 – 30. Military Jokes
39. Trench warfare should always be a last ditch effort.
38. What Do You Call a Snail Aboard a Ship?A snailer.
37. What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base? A flat major.
36. When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. The sergeant’s reply: “Completely, sir.”
35. How Many American Officers Does It Take to Screw in a Light Bulb? Only one, but they do it from 30 miles away using laser targeting at a cost of $8.3 million.
34. The sergeant-major shouted at the young soldier, “I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning, soldier.” The soldier replied, “Thank you very much, Sir.”
33. What did the sailor say to the other when they had a problem? We’re in the same boat.
32. Where Do Generals Keep Their Armies? In their sleevies!
31. Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment.
30. What Do You Call a Marine with an Open Head Wound? Ajar head.
#29 – 20. Military Jokes
29. What Don’t You Say to a Marine? I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to join the Marine Corps.
28. What’s the Difference Between the Army and the Boy Scouts?The Boy Scouts have adult supervision.
27. What’s It Called When a Soldier Jumps into a Fox Hole? Bestiality.
26. The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don?t speak the same language. For instance, Take the simple phrase ?secure the building?. The Army will post guards around the place. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors. The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters. The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.
25. Which Month Do Soldiers Hate? March!
24. What’s the Difference Between Aeroflot & The Scud Missile? Aeroflot has killed more people.
23. Why Was the Sergeant Upset That His Son Got an A in Math? Because he spent more time dividing than conquering!
22. You’d think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but I hear they can’t keep their heads above water.
21. Where Do Rabbits Learn to Fly? In the hare force!
20. What Happened to the Soldier Who Went to the Enemy Bar? He got bombed.
#19 – 10. Military Jokes
19. A sailor and a marine are walking down the street. They see a kid playing with a ball of shit. The sailor says kid what are making? the kind says a sailor. The sailor says why arent you making a marine, the kid says DONT HAVE ENOUGH SHIT
18. Have You Heard about the Karate Champion Who Joined the Military? He nearly killed himself the first time he saluted!
17. What’s the Main Mission of the Marines? To make sure the Army never get their feet wet.
16. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas & Pepper Spray? A seasoned veteran.
15. How many guns do the US need to combat an enemy? Two: one to shoot and one to sell him to shoot back.
14. I used to be an artist in the army but I kept drawing enemy fire.
13. What’s the Difference Between a Fighter Pilot and a Fighter Jet? The jet stops whining the engines are shut off.
12. What Did the Navy Say to the Coast Guard? “We’ll SEAL you later!”
11. At the beginning of the Army-Navy football game, the coin toss in made. The Navy captain shouts, HEADS followed by the Army captain shouting LATRINES.
10. When I was in the army, I got my arms shot off. But I shouldered on anyway.
#9 – 1. Military Jokes
9. How Do You Knock Out a Marine Drinking Water? Slam the toilet lid on his head.
8. How Do You Play Air Force Bingo? B-52…F-16…A-10.
7. How Do They Separate the Men From the Boys in the Navy? With a crowbar!
6. What Did One Sailor Say to the Other When They Had the Same Problem? “We’re in the same boat.”
5. What’s Long, Hard, and Full of Seamen? A submarine!
4. Those who wear sleeveless shirts like to defend the right to bare arms.
3. What’s the difference between God and fighter pilots? God doesn’t think he’s a fighter pilot.
2. Did You Hear about the Accident at the Army Base? A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two kernals!
1. Those who aim torpedoes are always ready to press charges.
Ideas for the top 41 military jokes were taken from the following sources.[1]Reader’s Digest – Military Joke[2]Ranker – The Best Military Joke[3]LaffGaff – Funny Military Joke And Humor[4]Vet Friends – Laugh out loud with the military joke of the week.
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