Top 41 Wine Jokes That Will Make You LOL

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At the end of a long day, nothing is more relaxing than sitting down and pouring yourself a glass of wine. However, wine can make many funny situations pop up. With that in mind, check out the top 41 wine jokes.

Table of Contents

#41 – 40. Wine Jokes

41. I’m a wine enthusiast. The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I get.

40. Q: What’s a blonde’s favorite wine? A: “Hoooooney, I want to go to Miaaami!”

#39 – 30. Wine Jokes

39. What’s the cure for marriage? Answer: Alcoholism.

38. I drink wine because I don’t like to keep things bottled up.

37. When do women drink alcohol? Wine O’Clock.

36. How can you find the girl who drank an entire bottle of merlot? She’s the one dancing like a stripper!

35. What is the difference between a glass of wine and a man? A glass of wine hits the spot everytime.

34. If you don’t drink, smoke or do drugs you may live long enough to be a real burden to loved ones. Please pass the wine.

33. A woman just dropped a £20 note next to me. I thought, ‘What would Jesus do?’, so I turned it into wine. Well, I bought wine.

32. You know what’s fun about being sober? Nothing.

31. I’m not an alcoholic. Alcoholics need a glass of wine, but I already have one.

30. Q: What’s a blonde’s favourite wine? A: “Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!”

#29 – 20. Wine Jokes

29. I have joy in my heart and a glass of wine in my hand. Coincidence??

28. It’s funny how 8 glasses of water a days seems impossible…But 8 glasses of wine can be done in one meal.

27. Women are just like fine wine. I only like the white ones.

26. What is a womans idea of a romantic night? Netflix and Chilled wine.

25. In the wine there is wisdom, in beer there is strength, in the water there are bacteria.

24. A priest was driving down the road one day when got stopped by a cop. The cop smelled alcohol on the priest’s breath and saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He said to the priest, “Father, have you been drinking?” The priest replied, “Only water, officer.” The cop then asked him, “Then why can I smell wine?” The priest looked at the bottle and said, “Good Lord! He’s done it again.”

23. Some things are better left unsaid, but I’ll probably drink a glass of wine and say them anyways.

22. What do you call a redneck that is a wine connoisseur? 2 Buck Chuck.

21. The secret of enjoying a good bottle of wine: Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. If it doesn’t look like it’s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.

20. If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with? Sushi!

#19 – 10. Wine Jokes

19. Money can’t buy happiness. Just kidding yes it can, if that money is used to buy merlot.

18. What did the grape say when it was crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

17. It doesn’t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There’s clearly room for more wine.

16. Have you seen the improv comedy show about drunk women? It’s called “Whose Wine Is It Anyway?”

15. What do you call a woman with a glass of wine on her head? A taxi. Clearly, she’s had too much liquor and is being a nuisance.

14. As long as there is wine, there is hope.

13. How do you know a man is really really gay? When he’s nursing a glass of pinot grigio!

12. When you get a hangover from wine it’s called the grape depression.

11. A bee goes into a bar, It comes out 2 hours later buzzing

10. I was sat with my wife while she sipped on her glass of wine, when she said, “I love you so much, you know. I don’t know how I could ever live without you.” I said, “Is that you or the wine talking?” She said, “It’s me talking to the wine.