Top 42 New Years Puns and Jokes

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New Years is a great day to think about the passing of time. It also makes for a great time for jokes. Check out below for the top 42 New Years puns and jokes.

#42 – 40. New Years Puns and Jokes

42. What Do New Years Parades Have in Common with Santa Claus? No one is awake to see either of them.

41. I love when they drop the ball in Times Square. It’s a nice reminder of what I did all year.

40. If last year was a person, I’d sue him for pain and suffering and lost wages.

#39 – 30. New Years Puns and Jokes

39. You don’t have to wait until midnight to see my balls drop.

38. To kick start my New Year: I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

37. New Years Eve is the only acceptable time to wear body glitter without being mistaken for a stripper.

36. What’s the Problem with Jogging on New Years Eve? The ice falls out of your drink!

35. A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

34. New Year’s Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

33. People think New Years is a life-changing event. If your life sucked last year, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow.

32. This New Year’s I resolve to be less awesome since that is really the only thing I do in excess.

31. Which Band is Considered Most Lucky to Listen to On New Years Day? The Black Eyed Peas.

30. What Did the Chef Make For His New Years Dinner? New Years Filet

#29 – 20. New Years Puns and Jokes

29. A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

28. New Year’s is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don’t want you reusing last year’s calendar.

27. My resolution was to read more so I put the subtitles on my tv.

26. It’s officially New Year’s Eve, you only have a couple of hours to do all the things you will resolve not to do in the new year.

25. I raised my left leg before the ball dropped so I could start the New Year off on the right foot.

24. What do you call always having a date for New Year’s Eve? Social Security.

23. What’s the One Group That Hates New Years Day? The Times Square clean up crew.

22. What Did Che Guevara Make on New Years Day? A new years REVOLUTION

21. My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.

20. What Kind of Toilets Do French People Use on January 1st? A New Years BIDET!

#19 – 10. New Years Puns and Jokes

19. New Years Eve forecast: Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.

18. May all your troubles last as long as your New Years resolutions?

17. Statistics show that the average person has sex 89 times a year. Today is going to be a great day!

16. My New Year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.

15. When the New Years Baby’s Voice Change? When his ball dropped.

14. What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve? He got 12 months!

13. I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.

12. What’s a Cow’s Favorite Holiday? MOO Years Day!

11. What do you tell someone you didn’t see at New Year’s Eve? I haven’t seen you for a year!

10. I have only one resolution. To rediscover the difference between wants and needs. May I have all I need and want all I have.

#9 – 1. New Years Puns and Jokes

9. How Did Prince Celebrate the Millennium? He partied like it was 1999.

8. My wife still hasn’t told me what my New Year’s resolutions are.

7. If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!

6. Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.

5. What Is Corn’s Favorite Holiday? New EARS Day!

4. My New Year’s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.

3. Youth is When You’re Allowed to Stay Up For New Years. Middle age is when you’re forced to.

2. What happened to the Irish man who thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year? He gave up thinking.

1. What’s a Digital Camera’s New Years Resolution? 1080p

Ideas for the top New Years puns and jokes were taken from the following sources.^[1]One Line Fun – New Year one liners^[2]Jokes 4 Us – New Years Jokes^[3]Ranker – The Best New Years Jokes