Humor

Top 55 Bar Jokes

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“Reader’s Digest – 15 Witty Bar Joke Anyone Can Remember)”

Going to the bar can be quite the funny experience. Check out the top 55 bar jokes below.

#55 – 50. Bar Jokes

55. A potato walks into a bar and all eyes were on him!

54. A neutron walks into a bar. “How much for a beer?” the neutron asks. “For you?” says the bartender. “No charge.”

53. So there was this dyslexic guy who walked into a bra.

52. so two condoms walk by a gay bar, what does one condom say to the other, “hey, wanna get ‘shit-faced?’”

51. Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”

50. This cowboy walks into a bar. His hat is made of brown wrapping paper, his shirt and vest are made of waxed paper, and his chaps, pants, and boots are made of tissue paper. Pretty soon they arrest him for rustling.

#49 – 40. Bar Jokes

49. What do you call a Bohemian that gets thrown out of a bar? A bounced Czech

48. Q: Why does Corona go through your system so fast? A: Because it does not have to stop to change color

47. Q: What did the bartender say after a book walked into the bar? A: “Please, no stories!”

46. An amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, “So, do I come here often?”

45. The barman says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”  A time traveler walks into a bar.

44. Several fonts walk into a bar. “Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type here.”

43. How many men does it take to open a Budweiser bottle? A: none. the lady should already have it open on the table!

42. A panda walks into a bar. He gobbles some beer nuts, then pulls out a pistol, fires it in the air, and heads for the door. “Hey!” shouts the bartender, but the panda yells back, “I’m a panda. Google me!” Sure enough, panda: “A tree-climbing mammal with distinct black-and-white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”

41. Q: What’s a composer’s favorite style of beer? A: Bock.

40. A termite walks into a bar and says is the bartender here?

#39 – 30. Bar Jokes

39. E-flat walks into a bar, The bartender says, sorry, we don’t serve minors……

38. Two nuns, a penguin, a man with a parrot on his shoulder, and a giraffe walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What is this? Some kind of joke?”

37. Q: How do you find a man in a bar who is sensitive, caring and good looking? A: He’s nursing a Mike’s Hard Lemonade and is acting super super gay!

36. Q: What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football? A: The sofa doesn’t keep asking for Bud Light!

35. Q: How does a man show he’s planning for the future? A: He buys two cases of Miller Lite instead of one.

34. A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under one arm. The man says, “Beer, please, and one for the road.”

33. Q: What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a bottle of Jack Daniels? A: A guy will actually SEARCH for a bottle of Jack Daniels.

32. The NSA Walks into a bar. “Hey, I’ve got a great new joke for you!” the barman says. The NSA smiles. “Heard it.”

31. A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar and ask for a drink. The bartender says, “OK, but I don’t want you starting anything in here.”

30. Q: Why did Mexicans create Corona? A: So ugly people would have a chance at having sex!

#29 – 20. Bar Jokes

29. Q: What’s a shepherd’s favorite style of beer? A: Lambic.

28. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table, and a door, and a staircase.

27. A pork chop goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”

26. Q: What do Russians get when mixing Holy Water with Vodka? A: The Holy Spirit!

25. An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol

24. Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, “I’ll have a beer.” The second says, “I’ll have half a beer.” The third says, “I’ll have a quarter of a beer.” Before anyone else can speak, the barman fills up exactly two glasses of beer and serves them. “Come on, now,” he says to the group, “You guys have got to learn your limits.”

23. The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

22. Two blondes walk into a bar. I thought one of them would have seen it.

21. Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? A: Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!

20. A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his dick. The Bartender asks him why And the Pirate says: Argh, It’s driving me nuts.

#19 – 10. Bar Jokes

19. Q: What’s Homer Simpson’s least favorite style of beer? A: Flanders Red Ale.

18. Two dragons walk into a bar. The first one says, “It sure is hot in here.” His friend snaps back, “Shut your mouth!”

17. Q: You know what’s fun about being sober? A: Nothing.

16. A screwdriver rolls into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The screwdriver squeals, “You have a drink named Philip??”

15. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey.” The horse says, “You read my mind, buddy.”

14. Q: What is the similarity between Michelob Ultra and having sex in a rowboat? A: They are both SO close to water!

13. A lizard walks into a bar pushing a baby in a stroller. “What’s your kid’s name?” asks the bartender. “Tiny,” says the lizard. “Because he’s my newt.”

12. Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, “Olive or Twist?”

11. Two guys are sitting at a bar. One guy says to the other, “Do you know that lions have sex 10 or 15 times a night?”. The other guy says, “Damn, I just joined the Rotary Club.”

10. Q: What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet? A: A Budweiser in each hand!

#9 – 1. Bar Jokes

9. A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender tells him to get out. The mushroom says, “Why? I’m a fun-guy.”

8. Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? – Because she heard the drinks were on the house.

7. Skunk walks into a bar and he says, “Hey where did everybody go?”

6. Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, “So. Why the long face?”

5. Two men walk into a bar. You’d think at least one of them would have ducked.

4. Q: What’s a pharmacist’s favorite style of beer? A: Pilsner.

3. A bear walks into a bar and says, “I’d like a beer ……………. and some of those peanuts.” The bartender says, “Sure, but why the big paws?”

2. What’s the number one pick up line at a gay bar? “May I push your stool in?”

1. A Frenchman walks into a bar with a cat on his shoulder. The cat is wearing a little baseball cap. “Hey, that’s neat,” says the bartender. “Where did you get that?” “France,” the kitty says, “they’ve got millions of them!”

Ideas for the top 55 bar jokes were taken from the following sources.((Reader’s Digest – Bar Joke))((Reader’s Digest – 15 Witty Bar Joke Anyone Can Remember)((schiesshouse – “A Guy Walks Into A Bar” and More Bar Joke))((Worst Jokes Ever – Bar Joke))((Jokes 4 Us – Beer Jokes))

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