Top 101 Clean Jokes for the Family

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Hanging out with your family is great. It is even better when you can laugh with them. With that in mind, check out the top 101 clean jokes for the family.

#101 – 90. Clean Jokes

101. What did the hat say to the scarf? You hang around, and I’ll go ahead.

100. Q: What do prisoners use to call each other? A: Cell phones.

99. Q: What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock? A: Look, grandpa! No hands!

98. Q: What kind of music do planets listen to? A: Nep-tunes.

97. Q: Why don’t traffic lights ever go swimming? A: Because they take too long to change!

96. Q: What’s the worst thing about throwing a party in space? A: You have to planet.

95. Q: Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space? A: He wanted to find Pluto!

94. What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt!

93. Q: Why do eskimos do their laundry in Tide? A: Because it’s too cold out-tide!

92. Q: Why did the policeman go to the baseball game? A: He’d heard that someone had stolen a base!

91. Q: Why did the drum take a nap? A: It was beat.

90. Q: Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? A: Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).

#89 – 80. Clean Jokes

89. Q: What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A: A tube-a toothpaste.

88. Q: How does the ocean say hello? A: It waves.

87. Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist? A: It needed a root canal.

86. Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?  A: Stick with me and we will go places!

85. Q: What kind of car does Mickey Mouse’s wife drive? A: A minnie van!

84. Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor? A: It was feeling crumb-y.

83. Q: Did you hear about the robbery last night? A: Two clothes pins held up a pair of pants!

82. Q: Why did the melon jump into the lake? A: It wanted to be a water-melon.

81. Q: We’re you long in the hospital? A: No, I was the same size I am now!

80. Q: What makes the calendar seem so popular? A: Because it has a lot of dates!

#79 – 70. Clean Jokes

79. Q: How do you cure a headache? A: Put your head through a window and the pane will just disappear!

78. Q: Why are teddy bears never hungry? A: Because they’re always stuffed!

77. Q: Why do dragons sleep during the day? A: So they can fight knights!

76. Q: What do you call a funny mountain? A: Hill-arious!

75. Q: When do doctors get mad? A: When they run out of patients (as in, “patience”).

74. Q: Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? A: The baa-baa shop.

73. Q: What’s the most musical part of the chicken? A: The drumstick.

72. Q: What washes up on very small beaches? A: Micro-waves.

71. Q: What do you call a boy named Lee that no one talks to? A: Lonely

70. Q: What’s the difference between a TV and a newspaper? A: Ever tried swatting a fly with a TV?

#69 – 60. Clean Jokes

69. Q: Why did the banana go to the hospital? A: He was peeling really bad.

68. Q: What goes up and down but does not move? A: Stairs

67. Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? A: In case he got a hole in one.

66. Q: Why was the belt arrested? A: Because it held up some pants!

65. Q: Why was everyone so tired on April 1st? A: They had just finished a March of 31 days.

64. Q: Why did the robber take a bath before he stole from the bank? A: He wanted to make a clean get away!

63. Q: Why was the student’s report card wet? A: It was below C level!

62. Q: What did one toilet say to the other? A: You look a bit flushed.

61. Q: What do call it when you help a lemon that’s in trouble? A: Lemon-aid.

60. Q: Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? A: She couldn’t control her pupils.

#59 – 50. Clean Jokes

59. Q: What did the fisherman say to the magician? A: Pick a cod, any cod!

58. Q: What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep? A: A stega-snore-us.

57. Q: What do you call cheese that’s not yours? A: Nach-o cheese.

56. Q: Where do cows go for entertainment? A: The mooooo-vies!

55. Q: What’s a snake’s favorite subject? A: Hisstory.

54. Q: What did one penny say to another penny? A: We make cents.

53. Q: Why couldn’t the pony sing? A: Because she was a little hoarse.

52. Q: What three candies can you find in every school? A: Nerds, DumDums, and Smarties.

51. Q: Where should a 500 pound alien go? A: On a diet

50. Q: Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?  A: Because then it would be a foot!

#49 – 40. Clean Jokes

49. Q: What is a cheerleader’s favorite drink? A: Root beer.

48. Q: What did the blanket say to the best? A: Don’t worry: I’ve got you covered!

47. Q: Where do hamburgers go to dance? A: They go to the meat-ball.

46. Q: What did one eye say to the other eye? A: Don’t look now, but something between us smells.

45. Q: What did the calculator say to the math student? A: You can count on me.

44. Q: What did the tree say to the wind? A: Leaf me alone!

43. Q: What kind of shoes do all spies wear? A: Sneak-ers.

42. Q: Why can’t you trust atoms? A: They make up everything!

41. Q: What do elves learn at school? A: The elf-abet.

40. Q: How do you know when the moon has had enough to eat? A: When it’s full.

#39 – 30. Clean Jokes

39. Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor? A: It had a virus.

38. Q: What is it that even the most careful person overlooks? A: Her nose!

37. Q: Why do moon rocks taste better than earth rocks? A: Because they’re meteor.

36. How do you get a tissue to dance? You put a little boogie into it.

35. Q: Why couldn’t the bike stand up? A: It was too tired (as in, “two-tired”).

34. Q: What part of the car is the laziest? A: The wheels, because they are always tired!

33. Q: What do you call a group of disorganized cats? A: A cat-tastrophe.

32. Q: Why did the opera singer go sailing? A: She wanted to hit the high Cs.

31. Q: Why did the boy bring the ladder to school? A: He was going to high school.

30. Why did the superhero flush the toilet? Because it was his doody.

#29 – 20. Clean Jokes

29. Q: What has four wheels and flies? A: A garbage truck!

28. Q: Why did Billy go out with a prune? A: Because he couldn’t find a date!

27. Q: Why did the picture go to jail?  A: Because it was framed.

26. Q: What did one wall say to the other wall?  A: I’ll meet you at the corner.

25. Q: What’s an astronaut’s favorite candy? A: A Mars bar.

24. Q: Why do you go to bed every night? A: Because the bed won’t come to you!

23. Q: Which hand is it better to write with? A: Neither, it’s best to write with a pen!

22. Q: Why did the scientist take out his doorbell? A: He wanted to win the no-bell prize.

21. Q: What gets wetter the more it dries?  A: A towel.

20. Q: What do you get when you cross a snake with a pie? A: A pie-thon!

#19 – 10. Clean Jokes

19. Q: What did the judge say to the dentist? A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?

18. Q: Why do bicycles fall over? A: Because they are two-tired!

17. Q: What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up? A: Someday my prints will come!

16. Q: Why did the teacher wear sunglasses inside? A: Her students were so bright!

15. Q: What did one elevator say to the other elevator?  A: I think I’m coming down with something!

14. Q: How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh? A: Ten-tickles.

13. Q: Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?  A: Because he was sitting on the deck!

12. Q: Why did the chicken get a penalty? A: For fowl play.

11. Q: Where do you learn to make banana splits? A: At sundae school.

10. Q: Why was the math book sad? A: Because it had so many problems.

#9 – 1. Clean Jokes

9. Q: What is green and has yellow wheels? A: Grass…..I lied about the wheels!

8. Q: What did the buffalo say to his kid when he dropped him off at school? A: Bison (as in, “bye, son”)!

7. Q: What did the laundryman say to the impatient customer? A: Keep your shirt on!

6. Q: Where do pencils go on vacation? A: Pencil-vania.

5. Q: What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A: A spelling bee.

4. Q: Why did the man run around his bed? A: To catch up on his sleep!

3. Q: Why was the broom late? A: It over swept!

2. Q: What did the paper say to the pencil? A: Write on!

1. Q: Why did the tomato turn red? A: It saw the salad dressing.

Ideas for the top 101 clean jokes were taken from the following sources.^[1]Care – 101 Funny Jokes for Kids^[2]Ducksters – Silly Jokes^[3]Thought Catalog – Children’s Jokes: 151 Jokes For Kids Guaranteed To Crack You Up