Top 67 Hilarious Jokes

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Jokes are supposed to make you laugh. Some more so than others. With that in mind, check out below for the top 67 hilarious jokes.

#67 – 60. Hilarious Jokes

67. What do you call an arrogant criminal going down the stairs? A condescending con descending.

66. My friend has got a butler who only has one arm. Serves him right.

65. When does a joke become a Dad joke? When it becomes fully groan.

64. A lion will never cheat on his wife. But a Tiger Wood!

63. You know what they say about cliffhangers…

62. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

61. Friends are like penguins. If you stab a penguin, they die.

60. Two windmills are standing in a field. One asks the other, “What kind of music do you like?” The other one says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

#59 – 50. Hilarious Jokes

59. The mother who injected her 8 year-old child with Botox for beauty pageants has lost custody. Her daughter didn’t look surprised.

58. 8 p.m. I get an SMS from my girlfriend: Me or football?! 11 p.m. I SMS my girlfriend: You of course.

57. What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow? I have no idea but I wouldn’t try milking it.

56. My friend Robbie shocked and hurt me. He told me today that I make people very uncomfortable and have no respect for personal space. I mean, what a thing to say to a friend? It totally ruined our bath!

55. A book just fell on my head. I’ve only got myshelf to blame.

54. I’ve been dating a homeless woman recently, and I think it’s starting to get serious…She’s asked me to move out with her.

53. I once farted in an elevator…it was wrong on so many levels.

52. How do you kill a blue elephant? Shot it with a blue elephant gun? How do you kill a pink elephant? Choke it until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

51. What’s green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

50. I built an electric fence around my property yesterday. My neighbor is dead against it.

#49 – 40. Hilarious Jokes

49. What do you call a sad strawberry? A blueberry.

48. I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay.

47. How do you make a dog drink? Put it in the blender.

46. Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing.

45. A boy asks his Dad one day, “Dad, why is my sister called Paris?” His Dad replies, “Because she was conceived in Paris.”

44. My girlfriend says I’m hopeless at fixing appliances. Well, she’s in for a shock.

43. My girlfriend isn’t talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday. I’m not sure how I did that – I didn’t even know it was her birthday…

42. Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: “I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!”

41. Did you hear about the Italian chef that died recently? He pasta way!

40. What do ou call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.

#39 – 30. Hilarious Jokes

39. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for the fresh prints.

38. My girlfriend has her own taser. She’s a real stunner…

37. I left my Adderall in my Ford Fiesta. Now it’s a Ford Focus.

36. A man is in a terrible car accident where he lost his left arm and left leg. He’s allright now.

35. What’s white and can’t climb trees? A refrigerator.Did y

34. Women really know how to hold a grudge. My wife asked me to pass her a lip balm. And by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue. It’s been a month now and she’s still not speaking to me!

33. I was on a flight the other day when the air hostess came up to me and said, “Excuse me sir, would you like to have dinner?” I said, “What are the options?” She said, “Yes and No.”

32. I tried to catch fog yesterday, Mist.

31. The boy says, “Ahh, thanks Dad.” His Dad says, “You’re welcome, Backseat.”

30. I went to a really emotional wedding the other day. Even the cake was in tiers.

#29 – 20. Hilarious Jokes

29. Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay. You have my Word.

28. When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there’s no domestic violence going on.

27. Where did little mary go after the explosion? Everwhere.

26. How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne? It’s when the blind try to read your face.

25. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s ok, he woke up.

24. Why does a chicken coop have two doors? If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.

23. A man showed up for a duel armed only with a pencil and paper. He then proceeded to draw his weapon.

22. Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me. It means a lot.

21. Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman. A good example: “I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday!”

20. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

#19 – 10. Hilarious Jokes

19. What do you call an imaginary color? A pigment of your imagination.

18. My favorite color is purple. I like it more than blue and red combined.

17. My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.

16. They say make up sex is the best…Which is lucky, because all my sex is made up.

15. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked his problem out with a pencil. It was a number 2 pencil!

14. I asked my girlfriend if she’d like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends. She said, “Ooh, yes.” I said, “Good, because I’m breaking up with you.”

13. Tonight I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach. At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.

12. I used to be a narcissist. But now look at me.

11. You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you’ve lost is a pigeon.

10. My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.”

#9 – 1. Hilarious Jokes

9. My friend is a structural engineer. He’s always complaining about stress at work.

8. A roman legionnaire walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, “five beers, please.”

7. How is a Jewish Cemetery different than a normal one? No refunds.

6. I just got a photo from a speeding camera through the mail. I sent it right back – way too expensive and really bad quality.

5. What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who’s run out of protein? No whey Jose.

4. Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

3. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.

2. Someone stole my mood ring, I don’t know how I feel about that.

1. Did you hear about the two radio antennas that got married? Well they said the wedding was okay, but the reception was awesome!

Ideas for the top 67 Hilarious jokes were taken from the following sources.^[1]LaffGaff – Hilarious Jokes – The Best Of LaffGaff^[2]Short Funny – Hilarious joke^[3]Just Something -The 22 Most Hilarious Two-Line Jokes Ever. #7 Killed Me!^[4]Funny Worm – 61 Funny Jokes That Are So Stupid, They’re Hilarious. My Favorite is #15