Top 101 Birthday Jokes

101. Q: What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? A: You can have your cake and eat it too.

100. I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.

99. Today is your birthday, so congratulate yourself, especially if you’re still young enough to remember it.

98. Little Johnny: Mummy, when was I born? Mummy: 20th of April. Little Johnny: Wow, what a coincidence. It is the exact date when I have my birthday.

97. Today is your birthday, so congratulate yourself, especially if you’re still young enough to remember it.

96. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Jimmy, Jimmy who? Jimmy birthday cake! I’m starving!

95. I went to Nicolas Cage’s birthday party and the cake was “Gone In 60 seconds”.

94. Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I needed an upgrade.

93. Is it getting warmer here or is it all the candles on your birthday cake?

92. “When’s your birthday?” “June 2nd.” “What year?” “Every year!”

91. Q: Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday? A: Because people kept toasting him!

90. I bet the worst part about being a birthday cake is when you’re set on fire, and then eaten by the hero that saved you.

#89 – 80. Birthday Jokes

89. Q: What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? A: Aye, matey!

88. Happy Birthday! You’re now living proof of the old saying that “Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.”

87. Q: How did Moby Dick celebrate his birthday? A: He had a whale of a time.

86. Q: What do you say to your goldfish on his birthday? A: Have a fin-tastic day.

85. You know you’re getting old when you have more candles on your cake than friends at your birthday party.

84. It’s easier to remember your age if you don’t change it every year.

83. Q: Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? A: Because it was marble cake!

82. Q: What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? A: “What’s eating you?”

81. Age is a relative thing. All my relatives keep reminding me how old I am.

80. I’ve never enjoyed my surprise birthday parties because all I can think about is how good my friends are at lying to my face.

#79 – 70. Birthday Jokes

79. Signs you are getting older: You have to scroll down a lot before hitting your age in an online form.

78. What did one candle say to the other? “Don’t birthdays burn you up?”

77. Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex? A: Wait until it’s born.

76. Thank you, grandpa. The violin you gave me for my last birthday already brought me a lot of money. Really? You play so well? Not at all. But mom and dad give me money to stop playing.

75. Honey what do you wish for your birthday? I want a divorce. Sorry, I wasn’t intending to spend that much.

74. You know you’re getting old when you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you.

73. Q: What do George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common? A: They were all born on holidays.

72. Q: Why did everyone hide from Sue on her birthday? A: Because they wanted her to be Sue-prised!

71. Pamela says on her 16th birthday: Daddy, don’t you think I’m old enough to get my drivers’ licence. Father replies: You – yes. Our car – no.

70. Q: What goes up and never comes down? A: Your age.

#69 – 60. Birthday Jokes

69. From a certain age, birthdays are like a reverse countdown

68. Q: What does a clam do on his birthday? A: He shellabrates!

67. Chinese kid was born before the due date. Parents named him Sudden Lee.

66. Birthday card inscription: Recent research revealed that 4 out of 5 people can expect money in their birthday cards. Happy Birthday, number 5!

65. Q: What do you give a Tasmanian devil for his birthday? A: I don’t know, but you’d better hope he likes it!

64. Chuck Norris ate his birthday cake before anybody had the chance to tell him that there was a stripper inside.

63. Q: What’s the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary? A: Get married on his birthday.

62. Q: Why did the birthday cake visit the psychologist? A: Because it was feeling crumby.

61. I used to be a boy trapped in a woman’s body. But after 9 long months, I was finally born!

60. Q: What did the elephant want for his birthday? A: A trunk full of gifts.

#59 – 50. Birthday Jokes

59. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

58. Doctor, doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake. Try taking the candles off.

57. Unfriending facebook people on their birthday. Some things in life just make me smile

56. Q: Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? A: Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!

55. Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Also, forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one.

54. Q: Why couldn’t prehistoric man send birthday cards? A: The stamps kept falling off the rocks!

53. As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me, with tears in his eyes and said, “You know, one would have been enough.”

52. My mom’s favorite part of my birthday is describing my birth in detail to an 18 year old waitress who is just there to get our drink order.

51. I always feel warm on my birthday because people don’t stop toasting me.

50. Q: Did you hear about the flag’s birthday? A: It was a flappy one!

#49 – 40. Birthday Jokes

49. Q: What kind of birthday cake do you get for a coffee lover? A: Choco-latte.

48. Q: What is a meaning of a true friend? A: One who remembers your birthday but not your age!

47. On your birthday, remember: don’t drink and tattoo.

46. Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.

45. Q: What did the witch do on her birthday? A: She spellabrates.

44. I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.

43. Q: What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? A: Mice cream and cake.

42. If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember…You can always change your birthday on Facebook!

41. Q: Did you hear about the tree’s birthday? A: It was a sappy one!

40. Your upcoming birthday reminds me of the words of the old Chinese scholar: Yung No Mo

#39 – 30. Birthday Jokes

39. Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don’t really know.

38. Q: When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? A: When it’s been sliced.

37. Q: Did you hear about the tree’s birthday? A: It was a sappy one!

36. Boyfriend: How come you didn’t get me a present for my birthday?! Girlfriend: Well, you did tell me to surprise you.

35. Knock-knock! Who’s there? Abby, Abby who? Abby Birthday to you!

34. It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present. ‘Oh, I don’t know,’ she said . ‘Just give me something with diamonds. That’s why I’m giving her a pack of playing cards.

33. Q: What has wings, a long tail, and wears a bow? A: A birthday pheasant!

32. Q: What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? A: Angel food cake.

31. Q: What party game do rabbits like to play? A: Musical Hares!

30. I wanted to make you a rum cake for your birthday. But now I am drunk and I’ve just eaten the cake.

#29 – 20. Birthday Jokes

29. I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.

28. I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother. It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.

27. The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

26. Happy Birthday. Soon you will get older and then you can laugh, sneeze, cough and pee at the same time.

25. Statistics show that those who have the most birthdays live the longest.

24. Honey, you really don’t have to do the dishes on your birthday. Do it tomorrow.

23. Q: How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? A: They relish the moment.

22. Q: What was the average age of a cave man? A: Stone Age!

21. Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11 and birthday candles: Do your job.

20. “Were any famous men born on your birthday?” “No, only little babies.”

#19 – 10. Birthday Jokes

19. You know you are getting old when you start getting birthday cards from your orthopedist.

18. I gave Ashton Kutcher a gift for his birthday and he said “Dude Where’s My Card?”

17. You’ve really made it if you become more than 100 years old. Statistically, there are very few people over 100 that die.

16. Q: What did the bald guy say when he was given a comb for his birthday? A: Thanks, I’ll never part with it.

15. Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.

14. Q: Did you hear about the dancer’s birthday? A: It was a tappy one!

13. What birthday gift will most offend a state employee? A motion detector.

12. Your secrets are safe with me because I literally won’t remember them. This also applies to your birthday. Your birthdays are safe with me.

11. You know youre fifty when your chiropractor sends you birthday cards.

10. It’s always a good idea to make friends with babies. That’s free cake once a year for a lifetime.

#9 – 1. Birthday Jokes

9. Q: Where do you get a birthday present for your cat? A: From a cat-alogue.

8. Q: What did the teddy bear say when it was offered some birthday cake? A: No thanks, I’m stuffed.

7. Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?  It was icing on the cake.

6. All the best for your birthday. May you live to be at least 95 and die happy and satisfied in a warm bed, shot by a jealous husband.

5. Q: When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? A: When you slice it.

4. Q: What do you give nine-hundred-pound gorilla for his birthday? A: I don’t know, but you’d better hope he likes it!

3. The older you get, the more you need to keep a fire extinguisher close to the cake.

2. Q: Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? A: It was icing on the cake.

1. Gave my co-worker the Heimlich maneuver. Proving once again I’m no good at birthday gifts.